Am I finding my "Unit?"

Gosh, for so many years (my entire adult life?) I've been yearning to find my Unit - fellow fighters in the War of Total Love I've been so crudely waging. For the last 5-15 years the metaphor so often comes to my mind - that I am a Resistance fighter in the French revolution but can't find the other Resistance fighters!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Several days ago I announced it was time for me to leave the house that Ellen and Thomas use as a base for the 25 year Peace Vigil. They knew it was just a matter of time. What happened next was utterly astonishing to me. Ellen and Thomas in extremely appropriate ways made it clear that they didn't want me to leave. Well, I've had others (not many) that didn't want me to leave, and that was wonderful. But it was because they loved me, they feared for me, they found my Quixotic antics entertaining, they found me not to threatening diversion for their altruistic tendencies, I was "family"....

But several days ago with Ellen, Thomas (and maybe even Connie) it was different. They deeply wanted me to stay because I was needed in their "Unit" (military usage) as an able fighter - to help them in their fight to bring Peace to this world.

Last night at the Dorothy Day Catholic Worker House I began to feel that they were seeing me as more than an outsider, but more like one of them, one of the "family," a fellow fighter for Humanity.

Yesterday afternoon I saw Mike Dorn and Eda from the Jonah House. They are definitely fighters and they lovingly embraced me as "family." Eda, like an angel said, "boy are you a sight for sore eyes."

Also in the verses that my Dave & Mary Rachel St. Joseph's Bible opened to this morning was, "Amen, I say to you, there is no one who has given up house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands for my sake and for the sake of the gospel who will not receive a hundred times more now in this present age: houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions, and eternal life in the age to come. But many that are first will be last, and the last will be first."

But how does Jesus mean this? MOST IMPORTANTLY He means that as we move from Selfishness/Lust/Damned to Otherishness/Love/Saved (see diagram; also PLEASE CLICK HERE) we rejoin the human body, THE ENTIRE HUMAN BODY - about 6 billion now! They all become your brother and sister in your heart. Heaven. BUT ALSO He meant that what is a real brother, someone in your fighting "Unit" was now possible, and maybe even likely. Am I finding my "Unit?" Is my "Unit" finding me?

Dellinger called this the "Invisible Church."

King called it the "Ecclesia."

:-)

Ransom

There don't seem to be many mysteries left to me about what Jesus taught us. There used to be quite a few.

One of the remaining ones has been this notion of Ransom. I've been quite intrigued by it because it has seemed to resonate with what I've been called to do, but I've been unable to make sense of it. This morning it became clear.

Last night I went to the Dorothy Day Catholic Worker. At the Friday noon vigil in front of the White House with Pax Christi and the Dorothy Day and Jonah House Catholic workers it was announced that at 7:30 in the evening there would be a presentation/discussion regarding the Jewish Occupation of Palestine.

I went. It was wonderful and horrible - brilliantly done. What the Jews/Zionists/US Imperialists are visiting on the Palestinians is every bit as evil as the Holocaust, Darfur Genocide or African Apartheid. Consummate evil - Consummate Selfishness.

The presenters were two women that have returned from duty on the Christian Peace Maker teams in Palestine. Both were brilliant. One a middle aged professional American married to a Palestinian with a Palestinian son; the other a Catholic Sister for 40 years. The younger one did most of the 1 hour plus presentation. During her introduction she made a comment that the Perpetrators were not evil. I found this enormously disturbing and singularly dissonant with an otherwise amazing and helpful presentation.

At the end, during the Q&A I asked about this comment. I expressed my extreme respect for the value of their presentation. I went on to say that cancer is not malicious, it has no awareness - but it is consummate evil. In this sense at least the Perpetrators of terror on Palestine are the darkest Evil.

The middle aged woman explained that she had said that they were not evil because they can be redeemed. I agreed that they can be redeemed, saved from the evil. I remained extremely disturbed by her early comment however.

This morning I was at the 25 year vigil standing in for Thomas by 6am. After several hours of prayer I flipped open Dave and Mary Rachel's bible and it opened to Mark Chapter 10. "The son of man did not come to be served, but to serve and to give his life as the Ransom for many."

Well, with last night's Palestine presentation, the issue of Evil and this verse from Mark in my mind clarity came regarding "Ransom."

Last night I should better have said that the Persecutors of Palestine are "possessed" by evil, captive of evil - Lust/Selfishness/Greed/Mammon. I should have said that the only hope was to Ransom them from this Evil Captor with our own lives.

Wait, didn't Jesus do this so we wouldn't have to? Also in my reading this morning, Mark or Matthew I forget, Jesus spoke of how His Father was our Father, that we were His son. What Jesus did was show us how to Live. Jesus Ransomed our Spirit, Liberated/Freed the Spirit/Otherishness/Brotherhood of a few of us from Lust/Selfishness/Greed/Evil so we could repeat the process.

I don't know exactly how this Ransoming happens, but since this morning it is easy for me to conjure up examples. Steve Beko's Heroic Sacrifice in "Cry Freedom" Ransomed the Otherishness/Spirit of the Editor (Kevin Klein) and his bio-family. Jesus with his Crucifixion Ransomed the Apostles and hundreds or thousands of followers for maybe 100 years. (Nicea was the final nail in that coffin, with the Saints and a few others as exceptions.)

Think about these and other examples - you have them in your life. Think about which heroic acts of real or fictional characters in your life have melted your heart or that of others, melted away, if only for a moment any Selfishness - Freeing your Spirit/Soul. That is what Ransomed means.

It almost seems that the Soul is somehow either complicit or drugged the way that Ransoming seems to work; it seems this way because it is the Soul/Heart that Ransoming seems to touch. Or maybe it is that Ransoming seems to be a powerful narcotic or knock-0ut agent on the Flesh/Selfishness/Mammon, puts it to sleep, and what is left is an active Soul/Spirit/Otherishness/Heart. Tell me what you think!

Let us get on with it. Who are you going to try to Ransom? How?

For me? Darfur faux-activists, White House visitors, my Inner-Family, the Zionists, the Military Industrial Complex, Officer Mallot on March 21st, The Pentagon on March 17th, the White House on March 16th, etc, etc, etc.... I hope. Pray for me. Join me.

"Resume" ready for Heaven?

This is another way I try to find and stay on the Path, to find and follow our Father's Will. When I contemplate what to do now, or what is wanted from me, I imagine the course of action I plan and what our Father will have to say about it when I am interviewing to get into Heaven after my death. (No, I don't believe in Heaven, but I don't believe in math or maps or psychology either. None of them exist in nature. They all are man-made constructs - tools. But I find all of them instrumental - most of all the constructs given us by Jesus.)

Imagining this interview is always helpful in giving me a sense of His will.

By the way, He will NEVER ask any of us about our accomplishments. He alone is responsible of that happens or not. We will only be asked about what we "tried" to do or "NEGLECTED" to try to do.

The Bible: Every word true

Which translation?

[rubbish]

Wealth? Whose kingdom?

Our Father's? Love/Understanding/Brotherhood/Compassion/Empathy/Joy/Service

Mamon's: Stuff, Superiority, Systems/Institutions

Your pockets are only so big. What of one currency you carry of one, all the less you will carry of the other. The truth of it is that you will carry one kind OR the other. Why? I'm not sure. But that is how it is. Think about it.

Live before the Judge and Jury

We are so conditioned to live in front of a jury, arent' we?!?! Boy, I am: what will my wife think, what will my boss think, what will my kids think, what will the neighbors think...? Right?

Right Concept: YES LIVE IN FRONT OF A JURY, AND JUDGE - 24/7.

How many people are playing golf out of their imagination of Tiger Woods' system / way of attacking / way of conceptualizing golf? Millions? Probably having a better job with golf as a result - a better job of getting in the hole.

Jesus gave us the best way of getting Joy/Peace/Love/Life in our life and on the planet.

Jesus told us to live in front of our Father. Before I was able to do this at all (I'm now an intermediate level of competence) I was better able to live in front of the jury:

Jury component A. The father, mother, mother in law, boss, husband, neighbor... IN HEAVEN, NOT NOW. Yes be highly attuned to what they will think of your behavior - WHEN YOU AND THEY ARE IN HEAVEN BEFORE GOD, AFTER DEATH! Imagine THAT! What will they tell you THEN about what you are contemplating doing now? Remember, all will be known then (if there is a Heaven. Who cares? Imagine it anyway!) So, in perfect knowledge that they will have in Heaven, what will they have wanted you to do, NOW?????

Jury component B. Jesus, Gandhi, Dr. King (last few years of his life), Dietrich Bonhoeffer, David Dellinger, and other Heroes/Saints.

Jury component C. Your Darfur Family, Your Congo Family, Your 18,000 kids starving per year (1 every 5 seconds), your Haiti family, Your Palestine Family, your Iraq family, your US Soldiers..... These will all be in Heaven right? They will all have questions for us - what we did or didn't do, and why. Right?

The Judge: Our Father. He will ask us about our Palestine response no? Also, Darfur, those 18,000 kids dying per year, etc, etc. He will ask us. No?

Jury component D. THERE IS NO JURY COMPONENT.

Darfur Hunger Strike March 1st; Ascent Begun

Today I began the physical ascent toward hunger strike for Darfur - severly reduced calorie intake restricted to vegitables, fruit and nuts. The idea and mental ascent began yesterday. I remain in prayer over the idea and it may change and not go forth fully, but I suspect that it will.

As before, I experience it as a "call." It is not a coolly calculated move on my part. Yesterday the idea entered my mind entirely unbidden and unexpected. The idea was not unwelcome. :-)

I expect to continue at Thomas's working on construction for some more days. My "call" to place the completed construction under his work as a cornerstone remains unchanged.

In just the little time I've had to pray over this for clarity what has come to me includes:

* March 1st seems a strong anchor for the beginning of a campaign to end the Genocide in Darfur.

* My hope remains the students. My hope is slim and almost none. They are not the calibre of human being that we had in the 1960's and early 1970's. Profound selfishness. Almost no conception whatever of Otherishness. There are 2.5 months left with the students in school. They will be entirely worthless after that.

* HEROES: Heaven on Earth Requires Otherishness to Eliminate Selfishness.

* Hunger Strike: Hunger strike is of no earthly good. But the genocide is not happening for earthly reasons. It is happening for spiritual reasons. A hunger strike done out of pure brotherhood, a hunger strike waged as an act of Love, of Othershness can kindle the flame of Otherishness/Love/Brotherhood, can kindle the Spirit in others.

Gandhi - Give me a military man

"My non-violence does not admit of running away from danger and leaving dear ones unprotected. Between violence and cowardly flight, I can only prefer violence to cowardice. I can no more preach non-violence to a coward than I can tempt a blind man to enjoy healthy scenes. Non-violence is the summit of bravery. And in my own experience, I have had no difficulty in demonstrating to men trained in the school of violence the superiority of non-violence. As a coward, which I was for years, I harboured violence. I began to prize non-violence only when I began to shed cowardice.... A rabbit that runs away from the bull terrier is not particularly non-violent. The poor thing trembles at the sight of the terrier and runs for very life. (YI, 28-5-1924, p178), M.K. Gandhi.

It remains a fascination to me that military terms is how I so frequently conceive of the anti-violent war for humanity, the war of total brotherhood and Love that I have been crudely waging for much of my adult life.

I think there is extreme similarity between the best military men and the best soldiers of anti-violence (what in the case of Gandhi is horribly translated as non-violence.) The similarities include:
* Rise above selfishness to Otherishness;
* Live out of their imagination;
* Live out their vision;
* Give their life for others without hesitation;
* Love waging Life.

Gandhi was shown this by John Rustin's, "Unto This Last," one of the two books to spawn the heroic leader we all came to see.

I think that our central hope is to exhibit such personal courage and purposeful sacrifice that the few military men and women of courage see themselves in us and join the ranks of the anti-violent wagers of a Total War of Love.

I must try to remember that my only hope can be, and my entire focus must be to inspire those of courage. If and when there are enough of us waging Love together then, and only then will the involvement of the masses be other than a mortal distraction.

The most feared killer - cancer. Neglect by another name.

The most feared killer is not malevolent.

Cancer is the most feared killer. It has no malevolence.

Cancer is a "cell," a unit of life, that stops being totally, 100% responsible, 24/7 to all other cells in the body.

Neglect is the greatest killer on planet earth.

Every second you and I are cancer, neglect, that we do NOT:

"Do unto others ALL that you would have them do unto you," Jesus.

Is this a matter that can be disputed?

13 children / minute are starving to death. Now.

What will I say to them in Heaven?

What will you say to them in Heaven?

18000 children die every day of hunger, U.N. says - USATODAY.com

JESUS LED US TOWARD SUFFERING. Less we'll do for "our family?"

I did.

But for the first time in my life I see the first part, above, clearly. Jesus led us toward suffering.

Jesus paid the ultimate price to lead us toward suffering in two ways:

FIRST: "...as you do unto the least of these...." Jesus did all within his power to focus our attention, focus all of our attention on the least of these, those who need us the most, those who can most be the reason our Life is important, Significant!

SECOND: "... if you lose your life you will gain your Life...." Life (capital "L") is the yellow part of these graphics. "life" (lower case "l") is the gray. PLEASE STUDY THIS LINK. CLICK. If you look closely, and imagine the implications of this link just mentioned you may begin to see clearly, as I finally am, that
JOY / Life (of the Spirit) is in the direction of Suffering; suffering from moving:
* AWAY from "Stuff" toward your SOUL;
* AWAY from "Superiority" toward SOLIDARITY/Brotherhood; and
* AWAY from today's "Systems / Institutions" toward SERVICE/Father's Will.

Suicide! Terrifying!

But Jesus died trying to to give us in return for "going through suffering" our Life:
* Our Soul (deep Love of True Self),
* Our Brothers, Solidarity, (reuniting with our entire human family!), and
* Service of Our Father (the process of being Life itself to others - Uniting with, and "being" a piece of the Creator, our Father). You know, Jesus tried to give us Heaven.

How much longer will we be willing to lead our children and "family" to Hell when we could be leading them to them Heaven?

I am going to try to lead you through Suffering to Heaven.

Finding our Father's Will

How is it done? Here is how I do it. Rarely if ever does this take less than 10 minutes per day; often much longer before I receive a "vision" that seems like His word. This is how I find, and walk the "Path," the "narrow gate:"

A. Do not say the "Our Father." PRAY the "Our Father!" Usually takes me 5 to 30 minutes at a time. Daily. Several times a day. Use your imagination!
1. "Our Father in Heaven"
2. "Hallowed be your name"
3. "Your Kingdom come"
4. "Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven...
5. "Give us [all] this day our daily bread."
6. "Forgive us our trespasses," 7. "As we forgive ...
8. "Lead us not into temptation," 9. "But deliv...

B. In your mind imagine, see a Father up above, looking down at us all and ask yourself, "what, Father, do you want me to do now? Which of your children, where in the world is suffering to such an extreme that it is causing You the most suffering? Do You want me to help them? How? If not them, who? How? When?" IMAGINE THE ANSWERS.

C. IMAGINE where our Father is looking. Like every healthy father He is looking to the parts of his Family that are in the most extreme pain - "the least of these my family." In your IMAGINATION, ask THEM, "what do you want me do for you, now?" "Do unto others ALL that you would have them do unto you."

Never have I heard "words" or "voices." But when I do the work outlined above I do get a sense, an extremely hazy vision of what He wants, or, if He is simply a product of my imagination as I believe, what He would want if He really exists.

Note: We do this all the time don't we, use our imagination to get things we [mistakenly] think we want? I wonder what my husband wants for his birthday? I wonder how the boss want's this report to be layed out. I wonder what our clients will be buying the most of this spring. I wonder how late I can stay out before my parents ground me.... USE YOUR IMAGINATION.

LIVE OUT OF YOUR IMAGINATION FOR GOOD, FOR OTHERISHNESS. Otherwise, you will continue to be a slave to your body, a slave to SELFISHNESS; you will be a slave to the imagination of others. You will lead your children and Inner Family to be slaves to SELFISHNESS.

Develop your vision of what He wants, and Live by it. It's Heaven.

For HEROES. New blog contemplated

For HEROES

Dear IFam, I'm back thru the rabbit hole after 35 years

That's the best I can describe it, and problematically, the analogy that has come to me, that of the rabbit hole - I've never read "Alice in Wonderland!" So the analogy my be terrible! But I think not.

My understanding is that Alice traveled between two realms and as we traveled with her into "Wonderland" we could experience how profoundly, and utterly disorienting it was; like the most aggressive of amusement park rides. Well, that is how it feels for me.

I've returned "Home" after 35 years, to our Father's Kingdom, our birthright, the place we are all born to... and leave, needlessly, horrifically. At best, it must look to you like I have gone into Alice's "Wonderland," of a sort. At worst... I can't imagine how it looks to you, or what your fears and hurts might be. But I try to imagine what it is like for you; and I ache and quake at the thoughts.

My first time through the rabbit hole was abandonment of "saving the world," for the pursuit of sex/marriage and the "real" world, making the woman I was married to and my "family" pleased and proud, pursuing the American "way of life." I remember "Business School" at Syracuse University. It felt like Hell. The value was money/stock holder wealth/profit/safety/security/career advancement.... My body literally hurts at the recollection of it. But tragically, rather than recoil, I found what I thought was "courage" and "responsibility" and plunged onward, contorting and crippling my Soul to fit through that inhumanly small rabbit hole.

I spent the next 35 years pretty much, in a world that seemed as absurd and inhuman as "Wonderland" did to Alice.

Well, now I'm back Home, but it's been 35 years.

No one was Home when I left, except for my bio-father, and when I had the sense to find him, the Father of us all. I suppose that is a major reason that I left in the first place - it was so lonely! Trouble is, living away from Home was infinitely more lonely - a world of zombies and no Father!!!!!!!

Well, now that I am back practically no one is Home. But I say practically. It is sort of like a huge Home that has become a field hospital. With the occasional exception of Thomas (who is usually quite ill) and a few others the occupants of Home are so "ill." [Jay, all this "illness" talk, this is pretty offensive! Well, it is like Dave Dellinger said,

"...decent people ... have been conditioned by a sick society into playing anti-social roles, the basic inhumanity of which they do not understand."

"This is a diseased world in which it is impossible for anyone to be fully human. One way or another, everyone who lives in the modern world is sick or maladjusted. Slick businessmen and bosses, parasitical coupon clippers, socially blind lawyers, scientists, and clergymen are as much victims of "a world they never made" as are the rough and irresponsible elements of America's great slums."

"The only way we can begin to break the vicious circle of blindness, hatred, and inequality is to combine an uncompromising war upon evil institutions with an unending kindness and love of every individual-including the individuals who defend existing institutions."

Isn't this what Jesus told us, with all the shit-from-the-ages-that-the-Church-has-piled-on washed off? Isn't this what the "Fall" is ALL ABOUT?!?! Well, back to my points.] Who are these occupants I am encountering? Some are homeless (lowercase "H"), most are materially poor [what do you do if you can't afford a middle class lifestyle for ALL of your kids? :-) Well, I abandoned most of mine, in favor of two. Some of these folks are doing better, abandoning fewer than I did.] They are outcasts of society. THEY EXIST OUTSIDE OF SOCIETY! Hmmmmmm. Like Jesus.

My point? It is not easy being back Home. Back through the Rabit Hole - absurd and profoundly disorienting. Scary. Daunting. I've forgotten the language; I have no idea where things are; if there are resources I don't know where they are; I don't know how to contribute well; it is like a Hospital ward with a bunch of walking wounded and no supplies, no help, NO TRAINING, and NO LEADERSHIP; I'm walking wounded although I've regained a lot of my Health. And, not only is the hospital filled with wounded, not only is the war raging around us, we are the "enemy," or, the "diseased," the masses of really sick people think! They want to lock us away; and they often do.

:-) Enough for now.

Love forever, your brother, jay

Dear Inner - Family (IFam)

"Inner family (IFam)," an expression that Dave Dellinger used. He thanked his inner-family for helping him find the strength to integrate with his entire human family, his Outer-Family. :-)

Miss you all. I love what I am doing, the "path" I am walking too much to leave it, but following it does have its costs!

I remain at Thomas's for the purpose of bringing the construction to an end. This has been a great honor and blessing. If things are not wrapped up this week I'll be amazed, but I've been amazed for weeks now! :-)

Vigiled with the Catholic Workers yesterday at the White House for an hour. We were joined by the Guatemala Human Rights Commission/USA. Wow, there is a lot of work to do.

Miss you all,

your loving brother, jay

Christian? Suffering. Christian? Hero.

"The right decision tends to lie in the direction of courage," Alfred Adler.

"Christianity lies in the direction of suffering," brother jay.

"Mental health, on such an aflicted planet, lies in the direction of suffering," brother jay

Wow, this is a big leap for me; a really important insight into what has driving my life that has been missing up until today. NO, SUFFERING IS NEVER, NEVER, NEVER THE GOAL. Driving through the desert on the way from LA to Las Vegas is usually not the goal either, but if you ain't driving through the desert, you probably are not on the way to Las Vegas either.

If a father's child is starving to death is the healthy father suffering, and acting heroically, acting "Christian?"

If a brother's sister is being gang raped is the healthy brother suffering, and acting heroically, acting "Christian?"

Etc? Etc? Etc? Etc? Etc? Etc...?

Jesus told us:

p79 "All men are His children, and therefore all are brothers to you."

p72 "If all praise them [the rich], woe to them, because only deceivers get everybody's praise."

p102 "... Our flesh is the true food for the real life."

p118 "Now the kingdom of heaven is attainable on earth, and great are they who enter it. But they enter it, not the rich, but those who have nothing."

p121 "... sell all your goods, and give them to the poor ..."

p124 "... put in [all that you have] ... put in [your] whole life ..."

p139 "There are shepherds to whom the sheep are the chief interest in life, and who give up their lives for the sheep. These are true shepherds.

p140 "My teaching is this - to give up one's life for the life of men."

p194 "My commandment is, that you love one another as I have loved you."

"In a suffering world, the Christian leads those s/he loves toward suffering; like Jesus did," brother jay. Doing the opposite of this, leading my bio-children away from "suffering" was my gravest Sin. God forgive me.

Not Suffering? Not Christian.

Not Heroic? Not Christian.

Not leading your loved-ones toward suffering? Not yet Christian.

Christian? Visionary.

During the "Q&A" period after a Friends of the Congo meeting this week I ranted at some length how the letter writing campaign they were calling for would do no more than kill years worth of time. Only people standing with their lives would make a positive difference, I said. You know, my usual speil. There were a few heads solidly nodding in agreement and a lot of blank stares. The usual.

When the meeting ended and I was walking out by myself (the usual :-) I heard, "sir, sir...." A tall late 20's man from Congo had followed me out. "I share your vision," he said. "May I have your contact info so we can stay in touch?" He probably will not.

The second time this week that the word "vision" struck me came while constructing a previous post -
Howard Zinn Remembering Dave Dellinger. Howard was saying, "...I was in World War II, I was a bombardier in World War II, I wasn't thinking about pacifism or war. You know, I was imbued like everybody else with the idea of a good war. Dave Dellinger saw beyond that. He saw farther than that."

This is what The Lord's Prayer is utterly and entirely, 100% about - developing our vision:
1. "Our Father in Heaven" Developing our vision: 1. That we are ALL ONE FAMILY; and 2. What a Father of all-one-family would want me to do this instant!
2. "Hallowed be your name" Developing our vision of who our Father is - the "Goodness" we can see in Jesus, the Saints (except for the "miracle" shit), an incredibly loving person in your life (if you are really lucky)....
3. "Your Kingdom come" Vision of what the Kingdom looks like.
4. "Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven... Vision that our behavior must "look" exactly like it would in Heaven.
5. "Give us [all] this day our daily bread." Vision that we are required to be Visionary Leaders. The "bread" is vision-of-what-our-Father-wants-us-to-do-today! We are required to give that "bread," to "be" that vision for our brothers and sisters. Everyone! Leadership is everyone's job. You are Evidence. YOUR LIFE might convince/convict us of what? "...the fulfillment of the Father's will depends on each man's effort and striving to make people see that life is given, not for oneself personally, but for the fulfillment of the Father's will, which alone saves from death and gives life." Jesus (Leo Tolstoy, "Gospel in Brief.")
6. "Forgive us our trespasses," 7. "As we forgive ... Vision of my errors, vision that "understanding" of other's errors is mandated.
8. "Lead us not into temptation," 9. "But deliv... Vision that environment determines who we become. We must guard the environment within our own minds; this is the only place "temptation," "error" can happen. We must "be" the environment for others.

Not visionary? Not yet Christian.

24/7 The Only Work is Spirit ("Germ" Warfare)

Will I ever remember this?!???! Definitely I am getting better at it. But goodness, yesterday's post was largely wrapped up in material stuff - not enough jobs for me to do on the construction that is going on due to lack of management and lack of priority on the job coming to completion.

This morning I received an enormous gift - an insight, a revelation. When I was a child the movie "Bridge On The River Kwai" made a tremendous impresstion on me; but as was so often the case, I didn't know why. This morning particularly the image of the inspiring, mad general played by Alec Guinness came to mind and for the very first time in my life it came to me with clarity what he did, and how the "Spirit" worked through him.

He was the Leaven. By standing to-the-extreme for respect, respectability, humanity, productivity, contribution, courage, service - Life - he infected everyone around him. He infected everyone. He infected those under his charge, he infected the enemy general and soldiers.

That is my job. Here in DC what stands as the vaguest opposition force (they speak of themselves as "Resistance") within the Peace Community (there is nothing like them in the sham of a Save Darfur "movement") is, with few exceptions so incredibly weak - the infighting, the pettiness, the lack of focus, lack of honesty, lack of determination, lack of VISION, lack of discipline, lack of perspective, lack of responsibility, lack of Spirit. My job is to infect them with the "germ" of Spirit.

"Germ" Warfare is my job.

Christian? "Germ" Warfare is your job. We must become the perfect, pure "germ" of SPIRIT, and in fulfillment of that 24/7 "WAGE" Total: Love / Brotherhood / Kindness / Compassion / Humanity. 24/7.

Wage Love, or you WILL WAGE MURDER. Selfishness IS murder. THE WORDS THAT COULD SAVE THE WORLD

"Doing much good."

Hmmm. :-) It is another one of those common sayings that is just now hitting me with its incredibly profound importance. It joins the list of "be an Angel," and the desperately important "ALL EVIDENCE TO THE CONTRARY."

Very, very soon I expect to be leaving a nice warm, congenial, food filled environment for the Park and the Darfur round the clock vigil. Why?

I'm no longer "doing much good here." No one is complaining. In fact, within the last 60 seconds, out of the blue as I was here typing I was told, "People around here are saying very good things about Jay McGinley!" Rarely have I been received so many, heart-felt expressions of appreciation for my contributions.

For most of the last 4 weeks there has been a cornucopia of opportunities to serve, for "doing much good" in - construction, homless service, blessed-community, anti-war activism and Darfur activism - sufficient in combination to position me for "doing much good."

"Doing much good" is a phrase we usually use when talking about windshield wipers or a door stop. "Those wipers aren't 'doing much good,'" for example.

But today as I wrestled with a profound feeling of dissatisfaction with how I feel inside for the last several days, what came to me is - Jay, you are not "doing much good" here anymore. What is the fault? We are all doing the best we can - an inescapable fact of human existance.

p89 "My food is to do the will of Him who gave me life, and to fulfill that which He intrusted to me," Jesus told us ("The Gospel in Brief," Leo Tolstoy).

What I am particularly happy about is for the one millionth time to be brought face to face with this fact of psychological health highlighted in Jesus' quote above. It is! "Doing much good" is my food. I just don't know how else to describe how it has felt to me for decades.

It seems I can stand an aweful lot of negative stuff, but what I just can't stand is NOT "doing much good."

Dr. King said it this way, "Life's most persistant and urgent question is what are you doing for others?"

"Man's Search for meaning is the primary motivation in his life and not a 'secondary rationalization' of instinctual drives. This meaning is unique and specific in that it must and can be fulfilled by him alone; only then does it achieve a significance which will satisfy his own will to meaning... Man, however, is able to live and even to die for the sake of his ideals and values!" Holocaust survivor, psychiatrist Dr. Victor Frankl (Man's Search For Meaning)

I'm reminded of something that occured to me about 4 years ago that captures much of what I had learned about life by then, and it still seems to capture most of the truth for me, and for all of us I suspect:

"Life is as Good as the Good that we spend it on," brother jay

"Endure how much suffering Father," Jesus asked?

I woke in a cold sweat last night. It was like this. It was like one was an older brother in Vietnam. You find this amazing, brightly colored toy and joyfully give it to your younger brother. In the middle of the night you wake up in a cold sweat realizing to your horror that the "toy" might be one of those U.S. dropped cluster bomblets (anti-personnel bombs that send out thousands of anti-flesh fragments to destroy civilians) you've heard about!

Well, in my case the "bomblet" was yesterday's posts regarding Dave Dellinger's
Revolutionary Nonviolence: QUOTATIONS FROM "DECLARATION OF WAR" 1945. Bomblet? Dave is pretty sure that the U.S. Government was the one that several times sent bombs to assassinate him through the mail. One almost took out his entire bio-family when they were all gathered at his house. It was for writings like this, and his actions in line with these writings. More particularly regarding myself, the words "sabotage" and "war" appear frequently in what I have been posting. Yes, "Waging Love," Total Love, All-Out Brotherhood are the entirety of what I mean, but this can be overlooked.

I have never in my life contemplated "sabotage." If I try to recall any reaction I have to sabotage, or any other type of destruction, it has been negative; with the exception of the "Resistance" of Germany in France, etc. during WWII. When my nightmare caused me to contemplate it further last night, when I could look past the terror that the CIA had seen these words on my sites and were any second going to burst in and take me to Guantanamo for torture (seriously); when I could look past this terror my reaction to the thought of "sabotage" was about the same as Jesus' or Gandhi's reaction. Nope. (Although I pretty much have concluded that the Catholic (and other) "Churches" are the anti-Church in Jesus' eyes, the opposition to Liberation Theology by Rome may be correct for the reason that follows.)

Attention to stuff, superiority and systems/institutions is the problem. Addiction to stuff, superiority, systems/institutions is the problem. Addiction to stuff, superiority, systems/institutions was the problem Jesus tried to save us from. His teaching on this? His approach? "I drive out evil by summoning people to fulfill the will of the Spirit, the Father, who gives life to all." p106 "The Gospel in Brief," Jesus (Tolstoy's translation.) This is the entire strategy that they and I have faith in. Everything else is to diminish our chances of success. Well, maybe the Plowshares type of action is an exception.

Back to the title of this post: "Endure how much suffering Father? The cross? Torture? Prison? Humiliation? Hatred? Crown of Thorns? Flailing? Death?..." Well, yes, I actually spent a few moments contemplating that maybe the CIA has seen my posts and is going to take me to Guantanamo. Really. So Jay, what do you do? Do you delete the offending words - "sabotage" and "war?" Etc. Etc. Well, all this took only about 10 minutes of contemplation. It has broader implications for me. The path I am on, despite my absolute and total commitment to and belief in Anti-violence / Brotherhood / Love could well lead me into the sights of the CIA. Jay, do you stop now?

Did Msgr. Romero stop? Did Jesus stop? Did Francis of Assisi stop? Did Gandhi stop? Did Dr. King stop? Did Bonhoeffer stop? Did Rachel Corrie stop?

"Endure how much suffering Father," Jesus asked? "An infinite amount," Father answered with love and compassion. "Love as I have Loved," Jesus told us.

ps: Do I really think that Homeland Security or the CIA could be about to pounce on me? Yes. Don't you?

Christian? Revolutionary.

"There was a time when the church was very powerful. It was during that period when the early Christians rejoiced when they were deemed worthy to suffer for what they believed. In those days the church was not merely a thermometer that recorded the ideas and principles of popular opinion; [The early Church] was a thermostat that transformed the mores of society. Whenever the early Christians entered a town the power structure got disturbed and immediately sought to convict them for being "disturbers of the peace" and "outside agitators." But they went on with the conviction that they were "a colony of heaven," and had to obey God rather than man. They were small in number but big in commitment. They were too God-intoxicated to be "astronomically intimidated." They brought an end to such ancient evils as infanticide and gladiatorial contest." Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

"The "way of life" that destroyed Hiroshima and Nagasaki (and is reported to have roasted alive up to a million people in Tokyo in a single night) is international, and dominates every nation of the world. But we live in the United States, so our struggle is here. With this "way of life" ("death" would be more appropriate) there can be no truce nor quarter. The prejudices of patriotism, the pressures of our friends, and the fear of unpopularity, imprisonment, or death should not hold us back any longer. It must be total war [totally nonviolent] against the infamous economic, political, and social system which is dominant in this country. The American system has been destroying human life in peace and in war, at home and abroad, for decades. Now it has produced the crowning infamy of atom bombing. Beside these brutal facts the tidbits of token democracy mean nothing. Henceforth no decent citizen owes one scrap of allegiance (if he ever did) to American law, American custom, or American institutions." David Dellinger

Not revolutionary? Not Christian.

Christian? Disturbing.

It troubles me, just a little, that my path is disturbing - to friends, bio-family, the activist community... just about anyone that knows me. I am glad that it troubles me, I will hope to avoid becoming too much more arogent, insensitive, blind, rigid, self-righteous than I already am.

But, Jesus was disturbing. I say "was" because we have so distorted who He was and what He STOOD for that He is now the opposite of disturbing. We use Jesus like we use bathroom deodorizer - so that the stink of our murderously selfish lives is not so disturbing as to make us change.

But in His days, to all but his Disciples, and even to them Jesus was hugely disturbing, wierd, crazy, disruptive, antisocial, dissident, outsider....

"I believe that for someone to be "Christian" they should resemble Christ," Teresa of Calcutta.

The people of Jesus day needed to be disturbed. A "brother" like Jesus would feel obliged to be disturbing.

The people of my day need to be disturbed, even more than Jesus day needed it. As a "brother" I feel entirely obliged to follow our Father's "call" as totally as I can, and this is disturbing.

Not disturbing? Not Christian.

You are Evidence. YOUR LIFE might convince/convict us of what?

Major insights into my behavior are occurring for me. These insights have implications for you too.

Why the Hell have I felt so compelled / drawn / obligated / required to:

* Sit in front of the White House 23 hours per day?!?!?!?!?!?
* Leave my $500,000 household to live in a car on a hunger strike for Children in Chester PA
* Withdraw so entirely from the safety and comforts of our US society?
* Etc, Etc....

This is a big part of what has been going on. Intuitively and unconsciously I have been realizing and reacting to the FACT that:

I AND YOU CANNOT ESCAPE THAT 24/7:

* I AM A WITNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SIMPLY BY HOW I LIVE MY LIFE I AM WORKING TO CONVICT / CONVINCE SOMEONE. THIS IS INESCAPABLE.

* YOU ARE A WITNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SIMPLY BY HOW YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE YOU ARE WORKING TO CONVICT / CONVINCE SOMEONE. THIS IS INESCAPABLE.

MY LIFE, the way I have lived has been a WITNESS that:

* There is not worldwide poverty.

* U.S. ACTUALLY STANDS FOR "liberty and justice for all."

* Capitalism is at worst value neutral.

* Capitalism is NOT sanctioned war on and exploitation of the weak in the U.S, around the globe.

* There was no genocide in Cambodia.

* There was no murderous neglect of children in Chester/Camden/Philadelphia/NYC....

* There was no genocide in Rwanda.

* Etc.

* Etc.

* Etc ....

NOW THAT I SEE WHAT I WAS DOING:

* I SEEM TO HAVE LOST THE ABILITY TO WITNESS TO THESE LIES.

* I CAN'T BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THESE ATROCITIES.

CAN YOU?

Dave Dellinger Quotations Blog

Dellinger is a Jesus of our day. Now deceased, this one time seminarian, life long nonviolent revolutionary hero must be studied and understood by any would-be champion of Love, Justice, Christianity, Brotherhood....

A new blog dedicated to the quotes and quotations of David Dellinger is beginning here:

David Dellinger Quotations

THE WORDS THAT COULD SAVE THE WORLD

Oh my, I've received the gift of reading some of the great books, some of the great authors of the world: Jesus, Tolstoy, Gandhi, Alfred Adler, Dr. King, Zinn, Barbara Demming, David Dellinger, Teresa of Calcutta, Pitirim Sorokin, Saul Alinsky, Ashley Montegue, Mihalyi Csikszentmihalyi, Abraham Maslow....

The words I've quoted recently from David Dellinger strike me as the words that could save the world: "Very few people chose war. They chose selfishness and the result was war. Each of us, individually and nationally, must choose: total love or total war. "

Yes, absolutely these words stand on their own. They are a miracle of Truth, of insight, a Revelation.

But these words explode in my mind, and I hope that maybe they will explode in your mind. These words of Dellinger explode into the entire thing, they explode into a statement of the entire problem!

Every EVIL STEMS FROM some form of SELFISHNESS. Here are some examples; they are arbitrary; YOU CAN THINK OF BETTER ONES:

Very few people chose global warming. They chose capitalism and the result was....

Very few people chose 18,000 kids starving PER DAY. They chose Starbucks and the result was ....

Very few people chose divorce. They chose alcohol and the result was ....

Very few people chose Darfur Genocide. They chose a safe neighborhood and comfortable house for THEIR "family" and the result was ....

Very few people chose U.S. child health being ranked 19th among the richest nations. They chose "health" clubs and games and the result was ....


Very few people chose 80% of the world in abject poverty. They chose "normal" life style and the result was....


Very few people chose 650,000 murdered in Iraq. They chose "Christian" hypocrisy and the result was ....


Very few people chose 3-6 million slaughtered in Congo. They chose high tech electronics, the Internet and video games and the result was ....

Very few people chose...

Very few people chose...

Very few people chose...

Very few people chose...

Dellinger also told us the only solution: "Each of us, individually and nationally, must choose: total love or ... "

Dorothy Day told us, "The only solution is love."

Jesus told us, "Love as I have loved... Do unto others ALL that you would have them do unto you."

Dr. King told us, "We [will] be extremists for love or extremists for hate."

"The Golden Rule is to steadfastly refuse to have what millions cannot have," Gandhi.

Ignoring these words is murder.

"SELFISHNESS IS MURDER," brother jay.

"WAGE LOVE, OR YOU WILL WAGE MURDER," brother jay.

Home

Yes dear, I did speak of feeling as though I were "home." I meant, our Father's House. The best way I can explain my feeling is to say that I have returned to my Father's house, His "Path," His "Way." Why would I, why would anyone feel that they are There?

Our Father's House is where His will is done; where He is almost always on your mind; where His is the opinion you seek over all others. His House has no walls but it is like a warm hug. His house is at no address but it is always there. In His House you know what to do, kinda, what to say, kinda, where things are, what needs to be done, why you exist, what is needed from you, where you fit... kinda. Kinda, but more than in the man-made world of Idols. In His House you are always Loved for who you are as His child, as His servant, as His Brother, as His Partner. This is the best way I can explain what I meant when I said I felt like I was "home."

Am I just being poetic? Is today Sunday and am I sitting here typing a post? The only world you or I will ever know will be that which is on the inside of our minds. There is nothing in my world AS real as what I am describing right now. This makes sense. Why? Because the Home I describe is my deepest nature, my Humane nature, the one we are all born with.

I left Home and spent most of my life in a foreign land of man-made idols - superiority, stuff, systems/institutions. It never, never, never, never felt like home. It was pleasurable, very, very pleasurable. But it never, never, never felt like Home. It never, never, never was Home.

I'm Home now, everybody's Home. I'll do my best to yell loud enough and well enough that the rest of His family returns home. I'll try to be a bright "Lamp." I'll do my best.

"Be an Angel..."

It is shocking me more and more how phrases that we causally throw about are such profound key's to Heaven / Peace / Joy.... For example, the pieces posted recently about 'We are "ALL EVIDENCE TO THE CONTRARY" are extraordinarily meaningful to me.

My mom used to say to folks when she wanted something, "Be an angel. Will you please...."

Well, in the context of stuff I see in my life now that phrase just hit me like a ton of bricks.

Isn't that exactly what we are to do - "Be an angel?" Duh. Look at what Jesus told us: "Thy will be done... as it is in heaven." Jesus is telling us to do "like an Angel" would. Exactly.

"Be an Angel." Pray for me that I "be an Angel." I'll try. :-) No kidding.

Dear Family, heads up!

Hi!

Two "heads ups:"

1. I'll be really surprised if next time you see me I don't have a Cross tattooed on my forehead. [I always wondered what that massive expanse was for! :-) ] There are few nights when I don't dream about this. My life has been so totally possessed by Jesus, I am so possessed by the desire to be His Follower / Disciple / Friend / Brother / Agent. I am always trying to "be" His message; to do the work He was doing; to be His Partner. I just think the Cross makes sense. I think it would help me "be" his message to my brothers and sisters. It would help us stay on point. We'll see. Something like this maybe.

2. Prison. My guess is that I will spend a lot of time in Prison over the course of the rest of my life. Is that my goal? Of course not. But I am becoming so deeply about a different way of being together - Jesus way - One Family - that the current "way," the current system of "war" [capitalism is sanctioned all-0ut-war of a vile sort] / divorce-one-from-another / greed / separation... will find me so in the way, such an irritation, they will not be able to resist putting me in prison a lot. I wonder if I will be killed there; will suffer violence there from the guards, from the inmates. Good chance I think. No matter. It is all part of the "mop-up" operations that need to be done by thousands and millions of us if our Father's Kingdom is to come.

Love, your joyful brother, jay

No Suffering, NO BIRTH

Birthing something new ALWAYS includes suffering.

NO SUFFERING, NO IMPROVEMENT.

NO SUFFERING, NO HOPE.

NO SUFFERING, LIFE COMES TO AN END.

Suffering is not the intent. Life is the intent. Suffering ALWAYS attends life.

No suffering... DEATH.

"Each ... must choose ... total love or total war."

"Very few people chose war. They chose selfishness and the result was war. Each of us, individually and nationally, must choose: total love or total war. " David Dellinger

Dear Family,

Today I went with a group of 20 or so, mostly Marylanders, to Senator Barbara Mikulski's office as part of the Occupation Project to end the atrocities in Iraq by bringing home the troops. I went not intending to risk arrest but my resolve slipped away as the action got underway. :-)

As it turns out, none of us were arrested during the hour and a half that we peacefully and respectfully occupied her outer office, largely reading the names of people from Iraq and the US that have been killed by your war, and mine. (Our silence is complicity. OUR SILENCE KILLS PEOPLE. We are "ALL EVIDENCE TO THE CONTRARY.") Upon leaving I gave my commendations to the Senator and her staff for the civility they showed us. Their behavior was more than a tactic I think. Susan from the Jonah house during our preparation meeting spoke very, very highly of the love and support that Jonah House has received from the Senator over the years - support from the Senator for Jonah House and the members that have gone to prison so often Waging Peace.

While with these folks I had time to talk with Mary a with-it, late 60ish woman, well to do I'd guess. She has been arrested 10 times or so for anti-war actions and mentioned in a pensive sort of way that maybe she was getting tired of it, and "is it doing any good?" She was neither discouraged nor worn out. Pensive. Thoughtful. Tired. I told her that when I think of such things I realize that if I knew for certain that my actions would make no difference in the world, I would continue to do what I do. "Yes, we must do what is right," she instantly and cheerfully agreed.

Later, while napping today I thought further about this. :-) Actually, I know that my breathing every few seconds or so really will make no difference - I'm going to die some day. But I want to breathe just the same.

In fact, as I have realized, and realize all the more clearly in the light of David Dellinger's wisdom above, Life, to Live IS to be WAGING "TOTAL LOVE." If we are not WAGING "total love," CLINICALLY we are not fully aLive. I will stake my knowledge of this subject against anyone living or dead in the field of psychology, philosophy, religion, biology.... Further, I challenge anyone, any of you to think about this. I feel certain you will see in your heart that this is true.

I choose "total love" because I choose Life. I choose "total love" because it might spread "total love" and therefore total Life to those I love - you, and everyone else.

This is the ultimate selfish choice. This is the ultimate unselfish choice.

Love forever, your brother, jay

ps: In talking with Mary she also said when only three of us had shown up (we were early), "If it is just a few of us will it make any difference?" Also, "The Senator is only one person!" This stimulated a reply from me that I found quite helpful. I said, "If what we are trying to do is analogous to spreading a virus, then yes, even if we are few and she is just one, who knows, if we can infect her maybe she can carry it to millions."

"Who knows?"

pps: More on this from Dr. King and his miraculous Letter from Birmingham Jail (1963)

"Was not Jesus an extremist for love -- "Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, pray for them that despitefully use you." Was not Amos an extremist for justice -- "Let justice roll down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream." Was not Paul an extremist for the gospel of Jesus Christ -- "I bear in my body the marks of the Lord Jesus." Was not Martin Luther an extremist -- "Here I stand; I can do none other so help me God." Was not John Bunyan an extremist -- "I will stay in jail to the end of my days before I make a butchery of my conscience." Was not Abraham Lincoln an extremist -- "This nation cannot survive half slave and half free." Was not Thomas Jefferson an extremist -- "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal." So the question is not whether we will be extremist but what kind of extremist will we be. Will we be extremists for hate or will we be extremists for love? Will we be extremists for the preservation of injustice--or will we be extremists for the cause of justice? In that dramatic scene on Calvary's hill, three men were crucified. We must not forget that all three were crucified for the same crime--the crime of extremism. Two were extremists for immorality, and thusly fell below their environment. The other, Jesus Christ, was an extremist for love, truth and goodness, and thereby rose above his environment.

"There was a time when the church was very powerful. It was during that period when the early Christians rejoiced when they were deemed worthy to suffer for what they believed. In those days the church was not merely a thermometer that recorded the ideas and principles of popular opinion; it was a thermostat that transformed the mores of society. Whenever the early Christians entered a town the power structure got disturbed and immediately sought to convict them for being "disturbers of the peace" and "outside agitators." But they went on with the conviction that they were "a colony of heaven," and had to obey God rather than man. They were small in number but big in commitment. They were too God-intoxicated to be "astronomically intimidated." They brought an end to such ancient evils as infanticide and gladiatorial contest."