I know
This is day number 16 inside the household that James and Sol traveled 1100 miles, 33 days through the early winter cold, to arrive at to see if they could be of some help. Why? James some bleeding heart. Help anybody? If he ever was, he's not now. Triage. He sees barely a soul with enough life to be helped. It's horrible, it's tragedy, but that's how he sees it. But the parent in this household, incredibly wounded he thinks from lifelong series of abusers, and some self-inflicted wounds, is
But James has not selected that as the optimal course for himself. Quite radically no. He has chosen to devote almost
When he enters a new situation, a new manifestation of his mission, to raise protect energized and Power encourage the human soul, throughout his adulthood, he's learned to create devices like this to help him create build strengthen new muscle memory. It evolves and changes and it helps a whole lot. 0 is awful, negative, and 10 is satisfactory. Everything less than 10 needs Improvement.
Well, I've come too close to killing us both, me in the cold and travels, this heroic parent with unbelievable courage and stamina, with all my online incessant inquiries and chatter , in hindsight, draining hours per day of time that wasn't there to give.
I knew how much demands of time I was making, though not demanding it of course. But allowing it and being the instigator. I knew it, I often commented on it. But 1 person that didn't seem to really grasp it, was James. With all the right intentions, being as prepared as possible, using his time as well as possible while he was traveling for informed study, that's what he was trying to do.
But at what cost? So James is traveling for a month 1100 miles, and then in a freezing
The two-week quarantine is approaching the halfway point approximately. Here in the garage. My choice. The safest place and it's fine with me. Hey, I Did Standing Rock North Dakota from Thanksgiving through mid-February and the arrest.
It seems to me that I know very very few serious Souls. One that I know, on their website, posted a very moving video, set to the poem of a very moving poet that I was very fond of in my youth. 
That arrival was almost three or four da
Roughly one week's worth of experience this now and fairly encouraging.
About 3000 watts of electrical energy are being applied each day. Roughly 1,000 Watts from the short solar days low on the horizon, which means 2000 Watts out of and through the batteries.
The batteries are in a soft sided thermal cooler of decent quality. 8 days worth of cycling has them at about 80° in this sealed soft-sided cooler. That surprised me. But there it is. A red cooler.
Last evening at 9 it was 36 degrees outside, quickly dropping 230 and below all night. This morning inside that cooler it was 40°. Safe for the batteries. Had I flipped on the $30 Walmart heating pad that snake through the batteries probably it would have been 60 degrees not 40 degrees inside this morning. Had I flipped it on for only a couple of hours. Or, had I filled the two hot water bottles with very hot water it would have been probably 70°.
Also, Oh my goodness a 15 or 20 mile-an-hour Tailwind reduces energy requirement by 50% and a headwind increases it by 50%.
Except as for the last year or so James has admitted that his entire life he was wrong, the human species be on small tribes of 10,000 years ago was never able to be anything other than a cancer. This is history, and it is honest evaluation. Large groups cannot create the cultures that would create the majority of moral decent Humane people.
And over recent years I've lost some of those teeth so now all that pressure is distributed over less area, concentrated on fewer teeth.
And my night grinding is now all concentrated, all of that Force, on a tooth in the lower left and it is being pressed down into the jaw deeply terribly bruising the tissue and causing new bone to try and form. It's extremely painful.
Everything I've tried so far is failing. Two different night guards are now performed today and will be tried tonight but I'm not optimistic. I think it would require a carefully formed professionally done mouth guard to transfer some of the pressure to the gaps between my teeth and that requires being in one spot while the work gets done at a lab. And the earliest that would be possible would be Lansing about ten days or 15 days away.
I'm taking as little ibuprofen as possible, a third of what I would like, but well over what safe dosage probably calls for.
It is long since I've been so deeply moved, and that by only the introduction. Overwhelming.
https://archive.org/details/isbn_9780812994865/page/n23/mode/1up
A personal reflection really, but confession is more likely to get your attention.
For the last two or three months probably, after a long long long hard day in the last hour or so I have been having anywhere between three and five beers. I work online while I consume them and I experience them as a way to slow down and unwind. Not Recreation.
Now that cold weather has forced me to stay in one place for the first one of 4 days, my body is physically shutting down, paralyzed with fatigue. This is a cycle that I should know and recognize but it disguises itself from me mercifully until I have the opportunity to stop and slow down.
For the last month on and off I have severe mouth pain and I think finally last night it came clear as it did once before that it is a matter of extreme grinding at night on a mouthguard what is bruising the jaw on my lower left side, severely.
What's the connection of all this? I'm thinking that the substance, the beer, enabled me to unconstructive Lee deal with the huge stress that I put myself under but not as constructively as maybe meditation could do. And I intend to begin seriously experimenting with that starting now.
So beginning two nights ago I have dispensed with the beer and beginning today I will attempt to reinstitute and redevelop my meditation skills at least several times a day and I wonder if that might help a little bit with reducing my nighttime grinding.
Have I been hugely self abusing and the alcohol has helped me do that? I think so.
What if this pain in James jaw becomes debilitating? What happens to Sol?
James is not concerned with himself or Sol per se, but with whatever value in Sol that otherwise might get to the mom in Michigan heroically raising two special-needs kids, that otherwise would be the destination for the value of Sol?
The pain in the jaw on the left hand side is generalized. Can't tell where the hell it's coming from. It was a two on a scale of 1 to 10 several days ago and is now up in the 7 range. James is currently 800 miles from where that Mom is and where he's headed. 10 miles an hour is the maximum speed.
And the weather is turning extremely adverse.
He has been doing 50 miles a day. Personally providing about a marathons worth of energy per day. Tomorrow he's likely to begin to try and double that, not the personal expenditure but figuring out how to recharge the batteries multiple times during the day.
Maybe the pain will go away. But 600mg of ibuprofen is barely touching it these last three hours. What if he becomes debilitated?
But he figures the closer he gets to Lansing the better the chances that someone could retrieve the vehicle. It is so vulnerable.
But there is still the rare soul it might be Unleashed we're protected from extermination, and that remains our work
So, Creator willing, it's 20/20 it will only be 45 states with Kansas being number 45. Then depending upon whether James expect either to head West back to Lone Pine Whitney for several months to regroup, or more quickly South to Southern New Mexico to regroup.
Uncertain what comes next.
