I've been losing it. If you would hold on to your life, you will lose it, my teacher taught. I've been losing it. No, this......

I've been losing it. If you would hold on to your life, you will lose it, my teacher taught. I've been losing it. No, this is absaf****** lutely not about guilt. I'm not interested in guilt. Never have been. I'm interested in gratification, joy in particular. Are we surprised when that piece of human dung Donald Trump wants an extra billion dollars? No! We understand that kind of greed for what it is. Why can't we understand someone who has an insatiable Greed for Joy, for sense of meaning in life , such as I? Exactly as it is maddeningly difficult for me to maintain Peak form, efficiency, output, when I am pedaling the bicycle, or the same when I was the skiing down an expert slope, it is maddening ly difficult to stay on the optimal path for Joy, for sense of meaning in life. In each of these Pursuits there are various mental tricks I've learned, and physical tricks and techniques and ideas etcetera to maintain Peak Performance and Peak gratification. But somehow the nervous system constantly forgets, gets off of the optimal path, distracts itself etcetera. The teaching of Jesus, if you would hold onto your life you will lose it, was not some horrible warning about going to  heaven or hell after this life. It was a psychological truth that when we allow fear and worry and anxiety and selfishness to distract us from attempting to do good, to that degree, we diminish our feeling of joy and meaning in life. Standing Rock was pretty traumatic. The month after was pretty traumatic for me. My body remembers how traumatic the 2-month Sprint across the country in the vehicle was to get to Standing Rock before the first blizzard. Thankfully, I am realizing this  morning that although my joy and gratification have been quite high in recent weeks,  my gratification has been somewhat diminished because I have been trying to hold on to my life. More than I absolutely need to I have been giving in to the unrecognized fear in me of dealing with cold wet weather which can be quite problematic given this bicycle vehicle. Similarly the physical and psychological stress of sleeping in Walmart parking lot wondering if police or vandals will make a target of me. I am grateful to recognize this morning that the fear has been operating in me. I expect to more dangerously and boldly push past these fears in coming days and to be more gratified and effective as a consequence. beginning last week there were unexplained failures in the motor system of the vehicle for the first time. there is a remote chance that I know what the problem is and how to avoid it going forward. Also, I am awaiting delivery tomorrow of an  inexpensive camera attachment that will let me look at a difficult to see wiring area to see if that's the problem. also tomorrow the Canadian outfit from which I bought the electronics should be opened and I hope to hear from   them what explanation they think applies. So with all this I expect to be here with fellow water protectors helping out where and when I can, at least through early Wednesday morning. At that time I expect to resume Eastward travel possibly on a ferry over to Michigan or down south of Chicago to Lansing, Flint, Detroit, and then maybe on through Ohio and part of  Pennsylvania.

Trying to do good is by Design the most intrinsically gratifying thing we can do! Why is it so f****** difficult......

Trying to do good is by Design the most intrinsically gratifying thing we can do! Why is it so f****** difficult to grasp that attempting to live a good life is intrinsically gratifying? We don't question that playing some dumb f****** video game is intrinsically gratifying. We don't question that having some meaningless social dialogue is at least slightly intrinsically gratifying. We don't question that spending countless hours of Our Lives watching television or listening to music is intrinsically gratifying, or that going to endless meaningless movies, or endless meaningless concerts period period period are intrinsically gratifying. But being good? Oh, that must be because we want to go to heaven. That must be because we want to be socially acceptable. That must be because we want to stay out of jail or prison.... Virtue is its own f****** reward. It's what we're designed to do. It is the direction of giving life and surely that is why our genes cause us to propagate so that we will  successfully Advance the course of life. Attempting to be good socially, environmentally, culturally, economically, morally , is the ultimate intrinsic gratification because that's how we're built.

I fight for good because any amount of it is the most beautiful, valuable, important, life-giving thing on earth.

I fight for good because any amount of it is the most beautiful, valuable, important, life-giving thing on earth.

Those who are not in the global 1% Club are viewed as worthless eaters. We are to be made useful slaves or exterminated.

Those who are not in the global 1% Club are viewed as worthless eaters.
We are to be made useful slaves or exterminated.

There is so much animosity between people in Central States and those in coastal States. I think some of it is.....

There is so much animosity between people in Central States and those in coastal States. I think some of it is an understandable, your states are going underwater, it's what you f****** deserve, And our land values will be going up. That has to be some of it.

I choose a physically difficult and somewhat dangerous path. My body is rarely happy about it. My soul.....

I choose a physically difficult and somewhat dangerous path. My body is rarely happy about it. My soul is so Satisfied with my choice. I was born and raised to the over-privileged path and existed that way for my first 50 years. Point being, I know what material over-privilege feels like, all of the pleasures, all the intoxications. There is little of that in my days now. Among other things I cancelled a beautiful comfortable apartment in Washington DC, six months ago, to the horror of my body, realizing that my soul needed me as close to the front lines standing against the destruction of everything decent for the rest of my days. My body was and is horrified at the choice. My soul wins out and there is never a moment when my nervous system is not glad at the decision that I made. By using literally every breath as best I can see to do to serve the neediest on earth now, and who will be on Earth in the future, among other things I bring out the hatred in some people, but the goodness in many people. Sometimes they directed it toward me and the goodness is very nice to receive. But more than nice to receive it is nice to see. I don't personally receive the beauty of a natural View but I get get great joy from seeing it. Similarly with the beauty that I see in people's kindness which my life path sometimes brings out. It is a natural path that I walk, natural to we humans. Completely unnatural to we who are brought up in this sickest of all cultures. But some of us can claw our way back to this natural path. No credit to me, I have, and I wish for others to do the same.

The Israelis do truly want peace and they have convinced themselves the way to do it is to totally decimate.....

The Israelis do truly want peace and they have convinced themselves the way to do it is to totally decimate everyone beside themselves. The movie Elysium shows this mentality. The financial Elites of the world have been going to school on what Israel does to the Palestinians for a long time. The fruits are unfolding around us all.

Do I believe in Jesus? No, not the white American one. Not the.....

Do I believe in Jesus? No, not the white American one. Not the white European one.
Absolutely yes,
the brown
Palestinian Jew.

If I have enough food for myself and another person, there is a person starving, and I eat all the food myself, is that immoral? It is....

If I have enough food for myself and another person, there is a person starving, and I eat all the food myself, is that immoral? It is immoral. If I have enough food for 10 million people, or enough resources for food for 10 million people, and I spend the resources on me and mine, is that immoral?

4/28. Wow. I'm toast. But I'm also with a handful of water protectors. That's nice. Today was.....

Wow. I'm toast. But I'm also with a handful of water protectors. That's nice. Today was my longest day since renewing this voyage. 68 miles. Almost six hours of peddling. I'm exhausted. All of a sudden the motor started breaking down. Four unexplained failures. By some miracle among the most knowledgeable Electronics guys from standing rock is here where I am. Total surprise. Tomorrow I suspect we'll Dig Inn. I expect to be here for several days and then depart. My guess is East, Flint and Detroit but I'm not sure.

4/28. The Europeans and their descendants were ordained by destiny to rule all of America. They were.... Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee

The Europeans and their descendants were ordained by destiny to rule all of America. They were the dominant race and therefore responsible for the Indians—along with their lands, their forests, and their mineral wealth. Only the New Englanders, who had destroyed or driven out all their Indians, spoke against Manifest Destiny.
In 1850, although none of the Modocs, Mohaves, Paiutes, Shastas, Yumas, or a hundred other lesser-known tribes along the Pacific Coast were consulted on the matter, California became the thirty-first state of the Union. In the mountains of Colorado gold was discovered, and new hordes of prospectors swarmed across the Plains. Two vast new territories were organized, Kansas and Nebraska, encompassing virtually all the country of the Plains tribes. In 1858 Minnesota became a state, its boundaries being extended a hundred miles beyond the 95th meridian, the “permanent Indian frontier.”

4/28. To justify these breaches of the “permanent Indian frontier,” the policy makers in Washington invented Manifest Destiny, a term which lifted land hunger to a lofty plane. Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee

To justify these breaches of the “permanent Indian frontier,” the policy makers in Washington invented Manifest Destiny, a term which lifted land hunger to a lofty plane.

4/28. To the Indians it seemed that these Europeans hated everything in nature—the living forests and their birds and beasts, the grassy glades, the water, the soil, and the air itself. Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee

To the Indians it seemed that these Europeans hated everything in nature—the living forests and their birds and beasts, the grassy glades, the water, the soil, and the air itself.

I've long thought that damage to water was collateral damage of the fossil fuel and chemical Industries. Now....

I've long thought that damage to water was collateral damage of the fossil fuel and chemical Industries. Now I realize that at the very least the bottled water industry, possibly much more profitable than the oil industry, at the very least does not weep when water supplies are destroyed. And if that's true, which it is, then is it possible that they are not supporting policies that destroy natural water supplies? Extremely unlikely.

I can think of just one profession where the requirement is to lie. Christian faith leader. Nearly every seminarian is taught the scholarly truth, that the Bible is riddled with errors. And virtually every one denies this to the world.

I can think of just one profession where the requirement is to lie. Christian faith leader. Nearly every seminarian is taught the scholarly truth, that the Bible is riddled with errors. And virtually every one denies this to the world.

Our problem is not that we haven't convinced the Republicans to stop destroying the country. Our problem is not convincing the Democrats, we....

Our problem is not that we haven't convinced the Republicans to stop destroying the country. Our problem is not convincing the Democrats, we liberals, to get off our f****** asses and devote Our Lives to giving our children a future, or to f****** die, or spend life, in prison making the attempt. (Full disclosure, so far I only face a year in prison for standing Rock.)

4/28. I met an angel last night. I was cold, wet with sweat, in the snow, having spent another 2200 calories that.....

I met an angel last night. I was cold, wet with sweat, in the snow, having spent another 2200 calories that day pedaling. Her email reply had said, you are welcome here. Turns out she's a lifelong cyclist. Weeks touring the country each year. She knows what she's doing. So extremely kind. So generous with her time and attention. So generous with her house. She prepared me a meal. She had turned up the heat in the house so I would be warm. I told her she is wind under our wings.

Corporate CEOs, my sisters and brothers all, are sociopaths, clinically. Sociopaths. There may be no exceptions to this.

Corporate CEOs, my sisters and brothers all, are sociopaths, clinically. Sociopaths. There may be no exceptions to this.

We are born to be angels to one another, no?

We are born to be angels to one another, no?

During my long battle against stage 4 cancer I finally found the path away from much of the misery but....

During my long battle against stage 4 cancer I finally found the path away from much of the misery but it took me a long time to find it and to learn to walk it well. The path? Redirecting my attention, much of it, most of it, to those people in the world in much worse need than I, and doing what I could to advocate for them and help them even if just online. Much of the misery of any disease is that it understandably but needlessly causes us to direct our attention to our self and away from those who are hurting even more.

Churchill, what a extraordinary monster. I was wrong.

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10211066950662594&id=1620551416

4/27. As I travel the country my sense is that there is one group whose lives materially are okay, my generation. Why are they okay? Because we looted....

As I travel the country my sense is that there is one group whose lives materially are okay, my generation. Why are they okay? Because we looted things. And we're living off of our looting. Correction, we are existing off of our looting. I wish we would choose living, fighting for our kids and grandkids and their future, I wish we were living instead.

4/26. 50 or 60 miles today. 2500 calories. My legs, knees, are hurting. Same amount tomorrow. And the next day. The cold weather here.....

50 or 60 miles today. 2500 calories. My legs, knees, are hurting. Same amount tomorrow. And the next day. The cold weather here is making things a bit dangerous. Earlier today I was a bit frightened, I was fatigued and wet and it was raining and I didn't manage my body temperature well and got very very cold.  Pics https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10211061705651472&id=1620551416

If there were ever one, or several , or a group of people that actively worked to poison others against me, that would be sad, distressing, but okay. A painful blessing even. How so? There.......

If there were ever one, or several , or a group of people that actively worked to poison others against me, that would be sad, distressing, but okay. A painful blessing even. How so? There are very few people at any point in history , and a smaller percentage as each year goes on, that have retained sufficient Humanity to potentially move our species in a positive direction. 100% of these One in a Million are hypersensitive to spot those who would do such poisoning , they would listen, but they would reach their own conclusion. There have been such poisoners against my work and I see some indication that there are now. If, as I hope, no credit to me, I embody a Force for good, it could hardly be otherwise. This seems to be a subject that was much on Kurt vonnegut's mind. It seems it could be the central reason that he wrote Slaughterhouse-Five, to illustrate this phenomenon, using Billy Pilgrim as the means of showing the individual that insanely devoted their life to destroying Billy, Billy being person that was at least good, if not a Force for good. Curiously, one of the articles I listed to as I was traveling today was one looking at the agonizing seemingly endless struggle between Good and Evil in the country of Columbia. It was quite a worthwhile article although I found some issues regarding credibility. But I was particularly informed and enlightened as the author spoke of a particular community that is under special attack by the dark Forces in Colombia because they have simply decided to be good, to be a force of life. That is their crime. That is their sin. That is why 20 of their leaders have been killed so far this year. Simply for being consummately good. In the view of this article they are an ultimate threat because they are simply purely good. Whether or not I am good, those who are in history such as Jesus, Gandhi, King, tend to be assassinated one way or the other.   As my teacher said before me,  I came not to bring peace but to divide with a sword.  Cancer cannot be cured  unless and until  it is divided from,  identified as different than, healthy tissue. https://www.commondreams.org/views/2017/04/18/war-and-peace-and-war

I travel in the hopes of spreading that which infects me. A love for all of creation, an unwillingness to see it destroyed.

I travel in the hopes of spreading that which infects me. A love for all of creation, an unwillingness to see it destroyed.

Minneapolis st. Paul, what shockingly contrasting Spirits I find here. People......

Minneapolis st. Paul, what shockingly contrasting Spirits I find here. People that are extraordinarily and proudly hateful, unkind, vicious. People that are aggressively kind, ferociously good and pleasant. The most blatant racism that personally I've seen. And other folks of profound inclusiveness.

"My sister was at Standing Rock too, for months, said the young waiter who kindly expressed admiration for my facial tattoos. She is......

"My sister was at Standing Rock too, for months, said the young waiter who kindly expressed admiration for my facial tattoos. She is currently in New York touring with Cheryl Angel, he went on. I explained briefly my mission around the country and he expressed thanks. He's a photographer and hopes I can wait here in town until his shift is over so he can do a portrait. I told him on my I'm on my way to spend the night at the house of a water protector who runs food now to the various camps. Joe Plouff

Regarding Trump followers: which of us does not spend most of their time trying to get ahead for me and mine? Virtually all of us, right? Which of.....

Regarding Trump followers: which of us does not spend most of their time trying to get ahead for me and mine? Virtually all of us, right? Which of us deep down is really proud with how we're serving Humanity, our fellow person, by doing so? Almost none of us, right? Well the white voters for Trump rightly View that their stock goes up, their power goes up, their Prestige goes up, if not their income, with Trump. Let's be careful about the pot calling the kettle black.

Literally the nicest people I know have screwed me royally over money. 15 years ago I went $20,000 in credit card debt, I have.....

Literally the nicest people I know have screwed me royally over money. 15 years ago I went $20,000 in credit card debt, I have very good credit, to provide a short term loan so that a political refugee here illegally could enroll his worthy son to college. It was a loan that was guaranteed to be repaid within weeks. I've not seen a penny of it nor heard a word. It took me 2 years labor to pay that off. Another person to whom I devoted the better part of my life limb and Treasurer owes me many thousands of dollars and appears to have no thought of paying that. An individual who was the worthiest, most giving soul, that I saw at, worked along side of, supported, at standing rock, appears to have lied, conned me, out of 500 bucks, and much more.  "What I fear is money. Jesus was sold for 30 pieces of silver." Teresa of Calcutta

Upon learning that I am facing a year in prison for refusing to be bullied away from Standing Rock a friend expressed interest in what legal support I might have. My reply: I have......

Upon learning that I am facing a year in prison for refusing to be bullied away from Standing Rock a friend expressed interest in what legal support I might have. My reply: I have a court appointed lawyer so so far she has been totally useless. I don't expect that to change. I'm very disappointed that Grandma Regina who was our leader has shown zero support for, or interest in, those of us who were arrested and charged. She was arrested and not charged. Knowing this now I would have made the same decision then but it does not speak well of her leadership. I do not perceive that I have any qualified legal support, so be it.