Just arrived back at one of the camps. All the camps we are now informed and told they will be cleared tomorrow. The campaign......

Just arrived back at one of the camps. All the camps we are now informed and told they will be cleared tomorrow. The campaign is fairly optimistic that their legal rights will prevent that. My current goal is not to get arrested tomorrow. I don't see how that could make me more useful. Actually, tonight I would be in the casino but they're full. So my current plan is to get out of Harm's Way maybe even early in the morning, walk or ride to the casino, sit in the lobby, and have a room there tomorrow night. Of course the only way to be at all safe would be to get out now, but I am not in the habit of being bullied or frightened.

Standing Rock update: it's 5 minutes after 5 in the afternoon. More than three hours after......

Standing Rock update: it's 5 minutes after 5 in the afternoon. More than three hours after I expected to be arrested. I've got hypothermia. It's quite interesting. To my knowledge I could walk out of the camp right now and Escape six months in prison, a felony charge, and possible severe physical abuse now and then prison. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't cooperate with the evil that is being done to our Native American brothers and sisters, even if they can. I can't do it. I can't cooperate with this evil anymore. This state, our country, our economy, totally Antichrist. I can't cooperate with it. Isn't that wild?

Standing Rock update: Everyone wants to be a revolutionary, but no one wants to be the revolution.

Standing Rock update: Everyone wants to be a revolutionary, but no one wants to be the revolution.

### The smoke is from a bunch of children playing Indian and burning buildings from what I can tell. Nothing to worry about. Certainly nothing that the oil industry needs to worry about.

### The smoke is from a bunch of children playing Indian and burning buildings from what I can tell. Nothing to worry about. Certainly nothing that the oil industry needs to worry about.

Standing Rock update: a group of so-called Warriors just walked past, about......

Standing Rock update: a group of so-called Warriors just walked past, about an hour after the deadline to leave the camp but they're leaving. These are Warriors, they really consider themselves that and who knows, maybe they are. But by what measure? They've had a lot of food. They've had a lot of sex. They've had a lot of adulation. They had a lot of fun. They've been playing Warrior that's for sure. They've had a lot of power on security and other things and maybe done some good with that. I don't know enough to judge them, but I certainly have my questions. If we repeat what happened at this camp 10000 times what the hell impact is that going to have other than to possibly kill the oil industry with laughter at our cowardly, historically insignificant, impotent efforts?

### I'm sorry, do you really think that we just fought an important battle? Incidentally, I'm sitting in front of my tent expecting that.......

### I'm sorry, do you really think that we just fought an important battle? Incidentally, I'm sitting in front of my tent expecting that my $12,000 vehicle will shortly be destroyed and that I will be manhandled at best and spend months in prison by the time it's all done. By what f****** historical measure did we just fight an important fight? We showed up for months worth of camping? Months of free food?  Months of playing Indian? This compares to the march in the Selma Bridge how? The march on the darsana saltworks how? Tahrir Square how? Well, okay, the women in the water facing mace and brutality, yes that counts for something. That was one day. Maybe there were one or two other days. My God, don't we love our children enough to face how massively far we continue to fall short? Until we do this we can't get serious about what it's going to really take.

Standing Rock update: I am not here for Native rights. I am not here.......

Standing Rock update: I am not here for Native rights. I am not here for treaty rights. That's far too little far too late. I'm here for human rights. Any of us that are fighting for anything other than human rights and maybe creation rights, but that's probably a strategic non-starter that is too esoteric, anyone that is not fighting for human rights in whatever arena is strategically wasting their time. Am I against native rights? Am I against treaty rights? Of course not! Am I against the right of children and current citizens to clean water? Of course I'm not. But for us to put these fragmented issues front and center is way too little way too late. Human rights is what we morally need to be fighting for and strategically if we did that paying a big enough price people might begin to understand that there is only one set of Human Rights and the people receiving the least are receiving what we all can expect in the future.

Standing Rock update: not that anyone should care but me, but I am greatly saddened at the lack of character in all but a few my native sisters.......

Standing Rock update: not that anyone should care but me, but I am greatly saddened at the lack of character in all but a few my native sisters and brothers. Yes, it is no worse than what I see in most populations. My God, it is so understandable. But it is so rare that any is a revolutionary Force. Why am I saddened by this? Because I hoped it would be different. A strength of the culture I believe is a desire to unite with the spirit of the universe. But we humans unite more strongly, more powerfully, with more wisdom, more courage, more grace, more decency when we primarily Unite toward the well-being of the neediest,  human and nonhuman. I see this as a fundamental weakness of native cultures, their focus is too abstract and too removed from Humanity. An additional terrible weakness is a focus on mysticism, not unlike Christianity for example, but both are thereby crippling of their adherents because they bleed energy away from the real Battle Ground which is the spirit within human individuals and in common. If there's a constructive reason for me to share this it is in the off chance that a sister or brother, particularly native, cares to take it to heart and to try and Lead to a more hopeful way of being.

Standing Rock update: The battlefield, 100% of the battlefield, on which the future of humanity, of creation, will be finally lost or won, is 0% physical, 100% spiritual. This has always been true. We have always pretended......

Standing Rock update: The battlefield, 100% of the battlefield, on which the future of humanity,  of creation,  will be finally lost or won, is 0% physical, 100% spiritual. This has always been true. We have always pretended this was not true. The most powerful creatures known in the universe are the two legged humans. Where our individual and Collective spirit is, there we go. Only through a massive and sustained Global shift in the spirit of humanity is there any prayer for a decent future. I hope to remember this on today, February 22nd here at Standing Rock. If my body, my life limb and treasure, can be used so that the terminal savagery of our fascist greedy Antichrist satanic Collective spirit in this sick country and world, if my body can be used by Savage perpetrators, possessed by their evil spirit, if my body life limb and treasure can be used to sicken the spectators to the final destruction of their children's future, if I can use my body to help them become sick and at the evil of their passivity, and possibly to sicken even one or two of the perpetrators, immediate or distant, crushing us today, then I hope to be glad of that. I think I will be glad of that.

I have heard what I understand to be native story. A grandfather and a grandson are speaking, the grandfather says to the grandson, there are two wolves fighting each other within you,  a good wolf, and a bad wolf. The grandson thinks for moment and says to his grandfather, grandfather, which of the Wolves will win? Grandfather answers, the one that you feed. The story is broader than that in its implications. With each breath, with each action or omission of ours, we feed one of those two wolves in those who are impacted by our lives. Everything depends on which ones we choose to feed.

Even Napoleon saw this: 
"Do you know, Fontanes, what astonishes me most in this world? The inability of force to create anything. In the long run the sword is always beaten by the spirit."

Written as I am here here on self-assigned duty at the composting toilet complex taking out bags of s***, sweeping, feeling the sawdust bins, making certain there's enough toilet paper.... I like to serve. This is a nice way to to lovingly serve my sisters and brothers here, and there by the world, as best I can see to do at the moment.

"Glory" (1989) - 54th Infantry Pre-Battle Song("Oh, My Lord")

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tzUUFwbPaE4

Standing Rock update: If we keep retreating, if we always Retreat, if we usually Retreat, how.....

Standing Rock update: If we keep retreating, if we always Retreat, if we usually Retreat, how can we ever expect to win? If we always disengage when the ultimate price must be offered, how can we ever expect to win? If they will gladly destroy our lives and we refuse to have our lives destroyed, how can we ever win?

A mass permanent revolution of loving possessing the world's people is the only hope for a future worth living. This by any and every objective measure.......

A mass permanent revolution of loving possessing the world's people is the only hope for a future worth living. This by any and every objective measure that I know. The loving revolutionary in this world that is self-extinguishing due to vast oceans of evil, the loving revolutionary makes of their life as powerful an antidote, as powerful a cure as possible. Possibly being chemo drugs such as have held my cancer at Bay, possibly being chemo drugs is no picnic. Being the loving revolutionary is no picnic and if it is one is not a loving revolutionary. The loving revolutionary relentlessly places their life limb treasure such that the savagery, hatred, inhumanity, Godlessness, satanic nature of those people and institutions possessed by evil might become so sickening  at the site of their own evil that the all-important spectators cannot tolerate the sickness and begin to act, and even some of those most possessed by the evil become the so sickened by seeing their own evil so that they act to cure it. This is the best description I know of those throughout history that has been loving revolutionaries. I believe that this understanding just expressed advances the thought process of how to fight evil. It came to me as I slept. I believe that my soul is committed to being that type of chemo, to being that type of antidote, that type of cure and I expect it to be living hell. I will be glad when my life is over, when I have breathed my last breath. But I will not hasten that by my own action intentionally despite the relief that I would get from that. I have no belief in a life after this one for me or for anyone else. I never have near as I can recall. I have no interest in it. In part I have no interest in it because I can't imagine a heaven that would be a place I'd like to be. But yesterday I received a wonderful thought. I do find it morally clarifying to imagine such Concepts as heaven and hell and how you get to one or the other. Anyway what popped into my mind, I have no recollection why, what popped into my mind was that there are no angels in heaven. It was a wonderful thought. I was so glad for it. I am so glad for it. Of course there would be no angels in heaven. Why, you may ask? Well, an Angel would want to be here on Earth and would return here to try and lessen the suffering.

I heard what I considered to be a credible rumor of violence from within the camp tomorrow when the gestapo raids. I have no knowledge.......

I heard what I considered to be a credible rumor of violence from within the camp tomorrow when the gestapo raids. I have no knowledge beyond that. What I do know is that violence begets violence, begets hate. What I also know is that if your neighbor uses violence in no way does that reflect on you. Correct? If I were to see such a thing I would act against it as I have before. I have a zero-tolerance policy for violence by anyone toward anyone. I expect to be working the compost toilets as I have been regularly and would not be anywhere in the vicinity of people conducting violent or nonviolent actions. Oceti is where I live now. This is my community. This is my family. I have been invited to be here by by native sisters and brothers who have the Supreme right to this land and I am here as their invited guests with all moral right to do so.

Standing Rock update: I don't know how long this will last, and......

Standing Rock update: I don't know how long this will last, and it is not Central to what seems to be sustaining me. But every once in awhile now I almost smile when I realize that I am finally truly actually standing with the oppressed of the world and not just for them. I almost can see me sharing a mutual smile with my Palestinian sisters and brothers, as a key example, as we are about to be crushed under the boot of the fascist state. It really is a nice feeling. Isn't that odd? Similarly, and I have written this before, most recently a day or so ago, I definitely find that on either side of me are folks like Jesus, Steve Biko, Gandhi, King, Alice Paul, and so many such Fighters. Again, it's a nice feeling. Will it be enough to sustain me through the torture ahead? Through the terror ahead? I think so but I don't know.

A well-meaning acquaintance wrote: "You are a decent soul James. You always were. You don't need to wait for an arrest. Do you......

A well-meaning acquaintance wrote:  "You are a decent soul James. You always were. You don't need to wait for an arrest. Do you have a way to leave before the 22nd? Because if you do your time would be much more valuable building something that can make the future better for humanity."  My reply:  "The only thing that can save the future, the only thing needed, the only thing lacking, is adults that stand for their children's Future No Matter What. This is what I am building. How can you not see that? Albert Schweitzer was right, example is not the major thing in influencing people, it is the only thing."

Standing Rock update: I started the day aware that I did not know why people were staying, the dozen or several dozen that seem like they'll be here until the Gestapo arrives to destroy us. Some.......

Standing Rock update: I started the day aware that I did not know why people were staying, the dozen or several dozen that seem like they'll be here until the Gestapo arrives to destroy us. Some of you have noticed a series of video interviews of people. Now I know why the stoutest souls are staying. It's not so much that they have a common idea. It's not exactly that they have a common heart. They have a common feature of their heart, their soul. It simply will not let them abandon the future of creation but rather demands that they keep their feet riveted in the way.

Standing Rock update: Isn't it odd? There may be dozens of us that are brutalized, incarcerated, imprisoned, on the 22nd and Beyond, or whenever......

Standing Rock update: Isn't it odd? There may be dozens of us that are brutalized, incarcerated, imprisoned, on the 22nd and Beyond, or whenever it happens, and yet I feel very much alone. I mean, wouldn't I expect to have a small community at least of those of like mind? The words that I have written recently and that I continue to write about the spiritual battle, there are some beautiful souls here that like what I write but I know of none that share the thoughts that I have within them, at all closely. This is not a criticism of anyone including me. But it is a curious fact to me. And it would certainly be easier if I had those that were of more like mind alongside of me. But most importantly I find it curious. I do think that among a few there is a distinct similarity of soul. A distinct inability to turn away from the dictates of the goodness in our soul rather than acceding to the wishes of the evil within our soul. This is surely a very important similarity. But I find it odd that does not extend beyond that. Oh, and to be sure the souls with whom I have much in common here are relatively few from what I can see. There is so much acting out of decades and centuries of abuse, so understandably, but so not what the revolution is, so old, so much what the status quo is.

### I so totally do not understand this negotiating with powers that have no right from Creator, from good, from Justice, from Humanity, over this camp. It is......

### I so totally do not understand this negotiating with powers that have no right from Creator, from good, from Justice, from Humanity, over this camp. It is to give them that power, to state that they have it. This is wrong, this is evil, this should cease. They are going to do what they were going to do. I am not moving from this high ground. I wish no more negotiations with them and I do not acknowledge their deadline. They have no jurisdiction here. They have no jurisdiction over me. Not on this land. Not while they Embrace their father who is pure evil. I have moved above any risk of flooding.

Standing Rock update: "My father is good. My father does not therefore allow me to cooperate with your father who is evil. You have no jurisdiction over me. As your brother I am forbidden.....

Standing Rock update: "My father is good. My father does not therefore allow me to cooperate with your father who is evil. You have no jurisdiction over me. As your brother I am forbidden to help you do evil." Other than my name and birthdate and my residence which is oceti sakowin, I suspect that these words are all I will be able to utter to my sisters and brothers in uniform, and the court system, and prison.... I do not think this will please them. But I can see no option for me. I do not anticipate a moral requirement to  physically resist their savagery,  their brutality.  I see no way that I can cooperate with whatever forms and procedures they direct me to follow.  I do not suspect that this will go well for me physically.  At some level I think, I hope, that I am finding myself accepting that I am already physically crucified,  dead.  Unfortunately I do not expect to be completely  dead to the psychological and physical torture that I expect they will zealously inflection on me,  but often, all too alive to it. Maybe these words come to me because they are similar to the words of Jesus at his crucifixion. But I think they come to me because I have worked my entire adulthood to become a decent soul, I am a decent soul, and these words,  this truth, this reality, this clarity would occur to a decent Soul at the time of their crucifixion.

Standing Rock update: alert, this is not some news flash. It's something that I've been aware of a long time and I'm just now sharing. Never again would I attend a nationalistic, racist, event. Not to say.......

Standing Rock update: alert, this is not some news flash. It's something that I've been aware of a long time and I'm just now sharing.

Never again would I attend a nationalistic, racist, event. Not to say that all of the natives here are nationalistic or racist, some are absolutely opposed to that. But too many are and they are not called out. How is racism and nationalism the revolution? It is unconditional surrender to nationalism and racism, hierarchy no matter how much it is denied.

Dr. King said something like, I have a dream that one day people will be recognized by the content of their character, not the color of their skin, their nationality, their history of Oppression, ethnicity,  spiritual tradition,  etcetera etcetera etcetera.

I do not deny the right of people who have been oppressed to act that out in many ways.

What I do deny is that anything other than recognizing and valuing people by the content of their character, nothing less than that is any sort of revolution. And far too much of Standing Rock has been all about nationalism, race, Etc.

It is Revolution that is Dead on Arrival.

So is there no hope here? There is hope here. Why? Because many people here simply operate on the basis of character, kindness, loving, service, and it seems to be impossible for them to do anything other than this. This includes native and non-native people alike.

This small collection that operate in this way, they are whatever hope there may be, they are the evidence of what Revolution there can be. The only thing that can be called revolution, in truth. Universal family, Universal Brotherhood, Universal unconditional loving, by whatever name or none.

Oh, and what utter insanity, Madness, stupidity has been the efforts to make the Lakota way displacing of,  super ordinate over,  supremely respected versus, the spiritual Traditions that brought this amazing Rainbow Coalition of people together. How can there be such a stupidity where on the one hand the disparate spiritual Traditions, the Myriad spiritual Traditions that brought people here, That there would then be an effort to subordinate them under something different,  some other tradition? What could be more f****** stupid,  self-defeating, self-destructive, than that? If it is no a Dapl plot  they must be all the more delighted at us doing it to ourselves.

Our creator, Who Art in our deepest Soul, holy is your name. Thy kingdom comes as thy Loving is done on Earth as.....

Our creator, Who Art in our deepest Soul, holy is your name. Thy kingdom comes as thy Loving is done on Earth as we would do  if we had no earthly fear.  Give us all this day our daily bread, that is, our vision for this day of how to best serve our neediest on Earth. Lead us not into self-centeredness, but Deliver us into solidarity with the neediest. For loving is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, forever. Amen.

Creator, the Deep Soul Within Me, is my shepherd, I shall not want. He make the......

Creator, the Deep Soul Within Me, is my shepherd, I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in Green Pastures. He leadeth me beside the Still Waters. He restoreth my soul. He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his namesake. Low,  though I walk through the shadow of the Valley of Death I shall fear no evil, for thou art with me. Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thow prepared a table before me in the presence of mine enemies. Thou anountest my head with oil. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Standing Rock update: Evil laws, people, States, Nations, have no jurisdiction over me. Evil being inJustice, unloving, hatefulness. I will not........

Standing Rock update:  Evil laws, people, States, Nations, have no jurisdiction over me. Evil being inJustice, unloving, hatefulness. I will not cooperate with these. Non-cooperation with these is a duty to myself, to Creation, to those in The Possession of evil. My prayer fast from food will begin at noon on the 21st. the prayer fast is my petition of Creator within each of us  to restore loving, Justice, goodness, kindness , Universal family , to earth. It will be finished when I am restored to the land, tent, sleeping bag, cot, solar bicycle car and trailer that Creator justly,  lovingly,  gave me, here at Oceti,  or to the equivalent, elsewhere. James 'Wage Loving' McGinley

### Brilliant, courageous, necessary, profoundly helpful video.

https://seekjoy.wistia.com/medias/5hp4yvawi4

Standing Rock update: I'm experiencing less sheer Terror for the last two days than the day or so prior. There are many times the last 15 years.......

Standing Rock update: I'm experiencing less sheer Terror for the last two days than the day or so prior. There are many times the last 15 years when I have been in terrifying situations but not nearly so terrifying is this. The prospect of five to ten years in a Savage military prison system.

Why less terrifying? Yes, the material situation becomes more terrifying each day. The police and military come closer, the 22nd comes closer, now they're blockading certain materials a harbinger of blockading food and water.

I have learned many ways of dealing with such Terror all of which has been failing me up until 2 days ago. But yesterday morning one that I have not used before popped into my mind. By the way, when I awaken is the most terrifying time. Whatever mental perspective had given me some peace of mind the day before is not there when I wake up in the morning. Just the sheer physical existential Terror.

What popped into my mind mercifully as it turns out yesterday morning was something that Gandhi asserted and lived, non-cooperation with evil is a duty, and the United States of America government at virtually all levels and forms is consummate evil.

I have no idea how long that thought will be helpful to me but it continues to be helpful.

This morning when I woke up I needed even more help and it occurred to me to do what I have often done in the past but not for a long time, to attempt to summon to the man Jesus, king, Gandhi, Mandela, and to try and imagine what they would think about me being here planning to stay until I am put in prison rather than to cooperate with Injustice.

Welcome to the club, is essentially what I experienced. It was not jovial, it was not congratulatory, it was very matter-of-fact but very clear, so far, anyway. And comforting. I'm surely clear that being with them Is more important to me than anything else I can think of including avoiding 5 to 10 years of torture.

The sense I get from the man Jesus is, where do you think I'd be? The implied answer being, standing at Standing Rock waiting to be crucified by the state. Yes, there were years when he avoided doing that but it finally came time to stand and let the state show what it was made of, pure evil. That's how it is looking for me.

An added benefit, an added help, came later. the focus of my life in recent years has been the children and people of Palestine, particularly Gaza, and their Moment by moment torment by the state machine. They have not been on my mind in recent months. I've been preoccupied with things here and with my own selfish Terror. But today I've been brought a little additional peace by realizing that much more than ever before I now stand with people like this, live in actual solidarity with these earlier victims of American state Terror. And that feels right to me. I'm sure you can imagine.

I have zero hope for any of us in the future. I have written this but it continues to be the fact, and that I can still function at all amazes me. But I can. I would never have known that standing with what my soul tells me is right with no hope of helping anyone by doing so, I would never have known that I could function on just that. It seems that I can.

Envy is what I feel so often when I notice someone my age dies in their sleep. How merciful that would be. No, not by my hands. Why? I don't know. But it is not my inclination. I expect I'll serve out my sentence willingly. The Green Mile.

Standing Rock update: the state is immoral resistance is Duty. Non-cooperation with evil is a duty. In creators eyes, the pure morality of my imagination, the land on.......

Standing Rock update: the state is immoral resistance is Duty. Non-cooperation with evil is a duty.

In creators eyes, the pure morality of my imagination, the land on which I am situated was given to human beings, two leggeds,  prior to any colonial forced creation among the Dakota tribe of a western notion of nationhood. Original Dakota Sioux individuals are standing here on this land and have declared those that stand with them sisters and brothers entitled to the to the same land as full sisters and brothers. Yes, this matters not. This Savage state will torment us like evil boys crushing so many bugs.  But I still may find that I'm unwilling to flee this hopeless, completely hopeless Showdown. that I will refuse to cooperate with the evil of the white Colonial settler Empire that has created such comfort and pleasure for me until recent years.

I whip saw between one moment leaving as quickly as possible and the next moment staying. What I have just written above has me staying, for the moment.

I believe that the choice to stay is virtually certain selection of years in Cruel, Savage, evil, satanic prison.

But for the moment I can hold on to the words above.

When the state is immoral resistance is Duty. Non-cooperation with evil is a duty.

This is a most agonizing, anxious, miserable time in my life. It is also probably the closest I have come to understanding what life feels like for billions of my underprivileged sisters and brothers who for decades have been victims of the state violence. I take little comfort in that but I acknowledge it none the less.

By the way, I have learned a new purpose that I am finding helpful, for prayer. Yes, still, I have no illusion that anyone hears the prayer. But when I pray for my expected persecutors, when I pray for those that do evil on purpose or by accident, I find that it creates a positive mental state for me. It is a way of Imagining the world that I want, behavior in that world that I want. And it helps me increase my understanding for and empathy for  those who are so bent on evil . In that it is no more than a psychological survival technique. But it may also prepare me mentally and spiritually as a better instrument for trying to help be a catalyst for others to bend toward good.

I have no hope for a better world. I lost that hope years ago. often I lose my footing and regain that hope but that is a mistake. The Titanic is going down, it hit the iceberg of near total amorality many decades or even centuries ago.

If there were hope in the world then staying here for a showdown, in creators eyes, between the forces of good and the forces of evil, those standing peacefully and prayerfully for a habitable future for our children, standing lovingly, a showdown between people doing that and people driven by Mammon, pure greed and hatred, such showdowns would be instrumental in creating a better future. But I see no hope in this. Not in 2017. If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it it doesn't matter if it makes a sound. It makes no difference.

Earlier today I was momentarily held here by the realization that this is inclusive of people here in this camp that are among the most decent that I have ever encountered. for the moment it had me staying to stand with them. But I don't know what they stand for. We don't talk about it much. Each person has their own reasons.

Incidentally, for the first time in decades I find it difficult if not impossible to imagine a loving creator of us all. Partly, as I try to do so I encounter such a sense of disgust that Creator would have for humans which results in such active disinterest and dissociation that my imagination is unable to go further and find any available love in Creator, which I used to be able to do and have inform my walk. This makes things much more difficult.

I am terrified of the material future that awaits me. Terrified. With all of my Powers, all of my focus, developed over so many years, it takes all of my abilities to put one foot forward in front of the next. Dread does not begin to sum up and I feel about my personal future. I am not proud of this. But I admit it. And make no mistake this is so small, so petty, so selfish on my part. I can barely find the imagination to care about anyone but myself. I'm so sad about this. But so far it's the best I can do. These are very trying times.

Standing Rock update: this update has been long overdue.. These last ten or fifteen days have been among the most difficult that......

Standing Rock update: this update has been long overdue..

These last ten or fifteen days have been among the most difficult that I have had in many years. Something continues to physically sap my strength and it seems to have to do with my lungs. But even if I were fit,  the world is being revealed as such a hideous nightmare that it makes finding my footing very difficult.

It may be teaching me, it is teaching me, it may be teaching me important lessons that only such extraordinarily difficult times and conditions could do. We live here physically in a police state. Machinery of police violence deliberately encroaches on us closer and closer every day. We are not treated as Citizens by the state. We are treated as viruses. The state does not care about citizens it cares about money. Does anyone not see this?

Have I been wrong for so many years or is what I've been doing wrong for this particular time? What I'm questioning is this, has my way of being to place my body in the way of harm to the most vulnerable, has that been, or more importantly, does that for the future speak the best way for me to serve? Certainly I do not think that it has been either bad or a mistake and certainly not a terrible mistake. But is it the best way for me to serve? the good farmer may live on a floodplain and occasionally have to get in the way of the flood, but it is not the way of Being for the farmer to be in the way of the flood. It is the way of being of the good farmer To plant and tend good crops.  the only crop in which I have any interest or hope is loving in the world.

It appears that for those of us that decide to stay in this Camp until the 22nd we are offering our lives to jail and or prison. Is that the best way for me to serve? I expect more informed information and Analysis will be forthcoming in several days to make the decision a bit clearer for me.

I don't know if it's cowardice, fear, wisdom, fatigue, worry, self-absorption, insight... that has me leaning toward moving on rather than jail or prison. All those negative things constantly work on me. Maybe the positive things work on me as well, they probably do.

Several years ago as I recall, I may have been deep into a hunger strike, I asked a question of future children that I have asked many times, What do you most want from me,  from us? And all of a sudden instead of the usual answer, a habitable Earth, I heard a different answer. Give us more loving, in the future. Send us more loving. I know this to be the more correct answer and the more radical answer. It does not preclude fighting as I have been for a habitable Earth but it does not necessarily equate to doing that.

The most radical answer each second is to do that which might Spark the most loving in the future . of that I am certain.

That could mean that I should offer myself for prison on the 22nd. Right now that is not feeling like the way. as I have written recently for it to be clear that jail and prison is the best way to serve much more clarity in terms of strategy, facts on the ground, support, Would be necessary then is currently visible although that may come visible within the next few days.

Life here physically, materially, in this world that is in Hell Fire, is almost unbearable for me, but more than bearable each moment as I devote each moment to being love in the midst of this community as I do with each waking breath, hours of dishes, sleeping in the water shed tending fire so that the water does not freeze. assisting with Construction. Doing Duty in the compost toilet. Helping to clean up abandoned structures, refuse, Etc.

My beloved friend Joe, one of the most wonderful Souls I have ever met, a volcano of contribution,  an architect and designer and Builder, has a vision for an Earthship which for each person residing there literally starves the black snake to death. He with help from people like me has been trying to help it get a foothold in this region and so far Petty jealousies and lack of Vision on the part of others has prevented this. The dream does not die Within Me. I want to see it happen and will do what I can to help if I see a way of doing so.

I am profoundly and morbidly afraid of the material future that awaits me. I'm not proud of this. But I admit it.

All out war is being waged Upon Us, on all decency, on all decent people. If.....

All out war is being waged Upon Us, on all decency, on all decent people. If we are not at risk by being nonviolent combatants, periodic risk of death, periodic risk of prison, then we are complicit, we have already surrendered the future of our children without a fight.

In bed most of two days and my body still wants to go back there. So weak. Went........

In bed most of two days and my body still wants to go back there. So weak. Went to medic and the nurse says my lungs sound very clear, no indication of pneumonia. Received a second round of vitamins and some good calories. Food is more difficult each day to secure here.

Updated: this was yesterday: The reasons that I need to leave ocheti, that I need to leave sacred stone, that I need to leave this fight seem endless. They constantly assault my nervous system brutally, painfully, endlessly. In.......

Updated: this was yesterday:

The reasons that I need to leave ocheti, that I need to leave sacred stone, that I need to leave this fight seem endless. They constantly assault my nervous system brutally,  painfully, endlessly. In no particular order. At best at best at best there is a snowball's chance in hell that will have any impact now on the universe. There reached the point when the Titanic was going down and I believe that point was reached quite a long time ago for us and for America, and I have written of this in recent years. This Camp Prides itself on Unity. There is virtually no Unity. If there are 300 people left in the camp there are almost three hundred reasons why each individual is here and no one will admit this, no one will talk about it. Would you have your son or daughter operated on by a surgical team of 20 people where there was no Unity,  where all 20 had their own idea of what kind of operation it was let alone how to conduct themselves?? Would you expect the Pentagon to win a war or even a scrimmage if all of the people had different missions? Nearly 300 people left, in one camp? In a dozen camps. Again, no Unity. Some of the camps are identified by tribal name. Some of the camps are unidentified accidentally and some deliberately. Deliberately unidentified is the little click of arrogant youth that have been empowered by someone with money I presume to think that they are superior, smarter, more able than everyone else, that make plans, that are making plans, in secret, while swearing that no one is in charge that everyone is equal. oh and the many / age, hormones, physical strength... There is  much sick superiority , egoism, discrimination. I doubt that they understand the sickness they're involved with but it's cancer. Did I mention no leadership. I did not decry that there is no management, that is not what I mean by the word leadership. Leadership is the opposite of management. leadership is the ultimate role of service both in humility and in scope where it is the role of the leader to understand all of the above and to work the magic of knitting people and camps together so that there is Unity so that it is one group. There is virtually none of that nor is the problem acknowledged but rather it is buried. The ignorance of non-violent struggles in history is Breathtakingly overwhelming, only more breathtaking By The ignorance that it's important. Would you allow your daughter to be operated on by a surgical team that had not been to medical school and really didn't care what people that prior had succeeded in the operation knew or had practiced?   and knowing all this by virtue of being a lifelong student and practitioner of high-stakes nonviolent change,  that all this spells near certain Doom of any material positive outcomes,  do I not owe it to my beloved sisters and brothers here to walk away as a means of stating my concern so that they could act accordingly or at least be informed?  oh, and did I mention that all indications, all indications, all indications are that even our closest friends have already accepted That if Morton County and Trump's government come in to slaughter us that there is nothing they can or will do to stop it?

As of this moment there are two primary reasons why I am likely to stay:

A.  the man who I Revere above all, as did the Hindu man Gandhi, Jesus, we are told that Jesus said when speaking in the direction of who he experienced as his father, Creator, we're told that he said, of the few Souls you gave me I have not lost any. Never has this scripture struck me as significant until several days ago when it became very significant. Maybe I can help a little, Martin Luther King said a person is not equipped to live, is not living, unless they know that which they would gladly die for. a coal in the many fireplaces that keep us from freezing to death here in sub zero fahrenheit weather, a coal that is dark in a fireplace is certainly a coal, but it is not a live coal from which life can be derived or multiplied. There are dozens and maybe hundreds of live souls in this Camp, quite possibly more than are collected in any place on Earth right now. Yes my abilities are laughably pitiful but for the moment and for the last day or so I find it sustaining the idea that it is worth my life and everything I can do to try and protect those coals and keep them from going out in the chest even if The fascist regime physically snuffs out in life in prison or with bullets or both.

B.   my sense is that Oceti cannot Escape its role in human history As the origin point of any and all future fight, any and all future nonviolent battles. We have had the attention of the world. I suspect that how we individually exit, not to be confused with what material outcomes we achieve or do not achieve, but whether or not we effectively model standing for something more important to us than our own lives will have an impact on all efforts going on on the Earth today and in the future. I do not retract that I think that years ago the Titanic on which we all live past the point of no return, but I don't know that. And I suspect that not knowing that I will find the strength to with some gladness stand on my responsibility to be what infinitely small little part I can of a proper stand against insurmountable evil that the world needs to see and to copy.

Today:

Today I think differently. Today I think that what we owe the next seven generations is to leave Oceti.  The bright burning coals here, so rare, dozens or more, is something to celebrate, but it is reason to leave. We must find the courage to face that our courage, our willingness to gladly die for Mother Earth and for future Generations is not enough. The Litany of deficits in the first part of this post, we must leave and if we really love mother earth, if we really love Creator, if we really love the next Generations then we must dedicate ourselves to learning the lessons that let us fill these deficits. We need to study. We need to reflect. And first of all we need to admit our failures despite our best efforts so that we and others might learn. Or is the lesson of this Camp to be the glory is in the bright burning coals allowing themselves to be snuffed out for some Glory? I think we owe Creator, Mother Nature, the next seven generations, our sisters and brothers today more than this.

Tomorrow?

I don't know yet.