Cancer Update: They took off the dressing, catheter and nose into stomach drain

 g Sefie into the mirror so everything reversed. Also, bonehead, the port for the IV goes up onto my right upper chest, behind the camera. Doh. The bulb in my other hand draws from the port down at my beltline under my camera elbow.

 Mercedes.  Amazing how totally clean - this is what it looked like immediately that the removed the dressing.

 This tube drains into the bulb in my hand from my beltline.

 World Class Mercedes.

 OK, here's the IV port. Aside from irrigation, glucose, antibiotic, it trips pain med that I can increase with a button.

 I'm just amazed at how clean all this is.

Mercedes stripe they call it.

Cancer Update: Just freed from Hell!!!

An exaggeration, but not a big one. The tube down into my stomach - it gathers mucus around it, and I've got a cold for weeks in my sinus. By this morning I had a ball of phlegm, about .75" across, sitting right at the top of my throat, and at the bottom of my nasal passage, and it would not budge, and would not dislodge.  It would  ONLY GET BIGGER, AND BIGGER....

I was told the tube could not come out till my bowels started to move, and there has not been a peep from them since going into the OR.  I just did five arduous laps around the nursing floor to try and get things moving.  Shortly after my return two of the surgeon's interns came by.   I simply told them of the massive discomfort, expecting they would simply repeat that I'd have to wait for movement, life, in the bowel.  I think they saw the horror in my eyes - 'Oh, we can take that out now!'  'Ok, you guys need to give me your names so I can put you in my will - there were $2 left, (2%) left that I needed a home for.'

I could be riddled with cancer still - I threw out some questions to the interns and they couldn't or won't say I'm not. What they do say is that my wonderful surgeon Doc F will not know until the pathology report comes back on Monday, so I will not see him or know, till then.

Shortly they'll be taking the catheter out of my penis, I'm told. That has been no real discomfort, and has been more convenience than inconvenience.

The interns said they will place orders for liquids to be brought to me, the first I've been allowed to drink!

I can tell by email counts and fb message comment counts that some have contacted me.  I am extremely blessed, I know that a few of you care a lot about me.

I am eager to go through your incoming, but just doing these blog posts is pressing way beyond my current abiliity.  (how long does it take Loving to type the word 'beyond?' Five attempts.  Really.  So, it will be another day or two before I read or reply.  I'll do the best I can.

Goin on 22 hours of near continuous sleep, doze.  :-(  The Spirit is willing but the Body is weak).

Cancer Update: Nursing back up to par

The shortfall yesterday was not due entirely to it being a high traffic day.  I reported a fall of from +5 down to -3 to +2. Graveyard shift was back up to  +2 to +5, as is today's day shift.

nd. Cancer Update - Typtin errors as high as 30% at times. Fuzzy. Weak. Literally tortured by a huge ball of flem that is locked im place by the tube going into my stomach. Tube can't come out till I have bowel activity, and so far there has been zero. Will not tackle incoming on FB or Email till things clear.

nd. Cancer Update - Typtin errors as high as 30% at times. Fuzzy. Weak. Literally tortured by a huge ball of flem that is locked im place by the tube going into my stomach.  Tube can't come out till I have bowel activity, and so far there has been zero. Will not tackle incoming on FB or Email till things clear.

Cancer Update 10/19

My best friend (said):

Lookin' Good !!  Hope you are doing as well as possible....Bet ur wiped out and maybe not feeling so great.  Rest.....rest....and more rest......thanks for not yelling at me too much re; bday balloons I sent to you.  Today is a day to celebrate...

XXOO 

 

LOVING: 

 

The balloons were sweet, Lovig. By a factor of a milllon  a day my Saintly

dad overspent - but it was from the heart, deadly mistake,

but it was Loving.  We must learn from our mistakes.  WE

MUST LEARN FROM OUR MISTAKES, and the mistakes of others.

Was a fun lift, especially the part where I could yell at you.

 

My error rate is about 30% at typing right now.  Soooo spacy 

and groggy.

When my nurse was in I asked if she thought there was some

way we could bring cheer to others with the balloons.

 

'Yes!  Let's put them in the staff room!'

No, it is not a celebration for me, or a bad day. It is what it

is. I MAYBE get a chance at Serving my Family longer, and that is Divine.

 

But personally, I hate it here, what we've done to Creation,

what we do to our Family, and my personal preference was to 

leave now.

I've not heard from the surgeon - no idea what he found.  More

cancer?

<3 br="">

DOMESTIC TERRORISTS: Senators pledge to defy White House on Iran sanctions. USA TODAY

Senators pledge to defy White House on Iran sanctions

USA TODAY

Cancer Update

If I don't seem my normal cheery self, please understand.
I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

What I care about is healing, getting out of this nice, but too
costly to our kids, place asap.

Interesting, my all nite nurse was off the charts wonderful,
as has been near everyone else I've encountered many months
now in the hosp. (Well, no. She was a 10 on a scale of +5 to 
-5.  Yes, that is not a typo.  Up till now the staff has been 
+4 and +5 out of mx of +5.  All day today?  -3 to +3.  Stunning.
Today?  Horrible.  Utterly shocking.  Zero danger
risk to me, but I thought I'd found a whole institution that knew
Agape, Universal Family.... not this floor, today.  :-(

I slept aaaallllllllllll afternoon. i CAN'T KEEP MY EYES OPEN!!!!

May be up all nit - my guess is I'll SLEEP all night.
 The Creator surely picked this place
as the best possible place to get me back to work.  

As I've reported elsewhere, I am soooooo slowed done,
took 30 notes to write up, from midnight to 6 am and MUST
further update yesterday's UBER crucial post - 
http://jesusgodgoodetcnjay.blogspot.com/2013/10/cancer-update.html

Update - tonight's nurse seems to be a +4.5.

My error rate in typing is off the charts - I'm soooooo fuzzy.

I may be up all night, but my guess is, no - SLEEP ALL NITE TO.

Loving u all

vlog Cancer Update

Cancer Update: 20 hour post-op pics (vlog uploading, ssslllllooooowwwwwwllllllyyyy)

detail. !!!REVISED!!! Becoming Loving, again: Where did Loving come from, and how did Loving get here (at least, this time)? [pre-pre-pre-pre… draft .00001. Got it?]

1)   Becoming Loving, again: Where did Loving come from, and how did Loving get here (at least, in this instance)?  [pre-pre-pre-pre… draft .00001B.  Got it?]

The outlined below was  hand typed.  The more detailed text was live dictated into the computer for reasons of speed of entry, laziness, and fatigue do to a number of factors, having to do with the cancer, and having to do with the fact that it's been 24 hours since I've had any food, per instructions from the surgeon who will be carving me up starting in just over 11 hours now. 

So, the following, may well be riddled with dyslexias, typos, errors...  that confound you mightily, some of my own doing, and some that doing of the text to speech software that I am using.

And it appears likely, inasmuch as I need to catch the cross-town bus in under 8 hours from now, that I will have little or no time to proofread.

If one wishes to understand how I became Loving, too much time cannot be spent at  http://jesusgodgoodetcnjay.blogspot.com/

a)    Note: If, as is highly likely, I survive tomorrow’s (10.17.13) major surgery, I may, over time, work on improving, and fleshing out this bare shell of an outline.

b)    Note: If through a lifetime of pay-any-price, try-above-all-else, zero credit to me, I am not A. an extraordinarily credible and accurate Truth Seer, and Teller, then, B. I am and have been, a total waste of breath.  If A, as I conclude, no, that does not make any or all of the following Perfectly true, but pretty close thereto, I recon.

c)     This writing today was sparked by my friend KK with this, this morning:

She wrote this morning: 

SL [ARGH - 'LOVING' IS MY NAME], not to get maudlin here, but I have to ask- did you keep diaries/ letters/ journals throughout your life? Did you "document" the growth and changes in your viewpoint, your faith, your relationships/marriage, the challenges that have led you to where you are now?

Of course, I have watched all of the videos on your site and I have an understanding of what you see (or want to forget) as you look back, NOW. But I was looking today at the photo that L. F. posted some time ago of the MHS A Cappella Choir and I am fascinated by the visage of your young self and how you got from there to here, especially as you slogged through it.

If I don't get the chance to come to DC and talk with you at length, which it has been and IS MY HOPE TO DO, I would like to at least be able to read about your life, if such materials exist in some form.
xo,xo,xo"

d)    The first 10 answers to this question: My dad

If I had had a different dad, nothing that I value in myself today would be true, would exist.  He simply infected me with his unconditional love, his devotion to the truth, his view that we are all equal because we are all of divine worth, his infinite focus, his complete control of his own focus, his 100% devotion to the well being of others.  I could go on, and on, and on.

The great tree, in the fertile environment, is not the excellent fruit.  But it is the necessary, and sometimes sufficient, precondition thereof.  And so it has been for any and all good fruit that is me.  My dad is the source.  Or rather, my dad was the impenatrible fortress around me that kept the world’s toxins from too far damaging the Loving nature that is the born Soul of us all.

My dad, somehow, but really, was 80% of my environment, the first 6 to 8 years of my life.  This means that my world was the life of an imperfect, but the most saintly, person, I've ever encountered; and that this thereby displaced the otherwise massively toxic world, for me, that I otherwise would have grown up in and been crippled by.  Whether this was by his design, or by happenstance, I will never know.

But he was Einstein-level brilliant, objectively, in the realm of teaching.

This point following is of inexpressible importance: I experienced that my dad's life was near totally and profoundly joyful, and profoundly agonized, simultaneously, because the needless imperfections in himself and in the world, that caused so much needless suffering, were a near unbearable agony to him.  But my judgment was, 100% correct, that his quality of life was higher than all but one in a million – as it was for Jesus, Gandhi, MLK Jr...  not for any fame, not for any acclaim, but the infinite, divine, joy, of such a limitless, unconditional, loving.  And I mean the following with complete respect -anyone that has read this far and cannot appreciate at  some deep level that the most gratified, and therefore enviable, people that have ever existed include the likes of Jesus, King, Gandhi…. then there is nothing that that person can understand of anything that I'm saying.  It, my life, all these words, are completely about an awareness of such perfect joy  from my very earliest moments, and the unceasing quest to make it the stuff of my life, which for every breath of the last 14 years it has been the stuff.

e)    Answer #11 – Jesus despite, because of, the Catholic cHURCH; and because of my dad.

Zero credit to me, all credit to my dad, because I knew my dad, I knew unconditional love, Agape, and because I knew unconditional love, universal family, and not one me in 100,000 of us know  these things, because I knew them, I could know Jesus.  And I did, and I do from my earliest encounters with him in the twisted, hypocritical, anti-Christlike cHURCH.

f)      Answer #12 – My isolated, Idyllic surroundings.

Though  our house was in a criminally wealthy suburb, it was physically located exactly on the edge of a multi 1000 acre nature preserve.  I'll never know if it was by design, neglect, or hope that I would die (I was such a totally under-achieved, zero, of a child), with zero supervision I was trusted to spend massive amounts of my youth out in that preserve.  Some of the time was playing with older neighborhood kids, and massive amounts of the time was spent by myself enraptured.  Nature was, and is, is my home.  [What I nice conversation I had with a deer in a field this morning. Working on edits here, 4:30am, on the bus, I missed my stop by 1.5 miles.  Walking back, there was the deer – what a joy to exchange stares, and to chat.  Family.  My Family. 10.17.13.

g)    Answer #13 – My overwhelmingly, world-class sick, insane, Satanic surroundings – US, uber-wealthy suburbs.

The house I grew up in would sell today for between one and two million dollars.  My dad, whose music studio attached to our house, in which he taught ultra rich folks and their kids piano, worked literally seven days a week, for the sole purpose of providing the best life he knew to provide for his dependents.

One of my advanced degrees is in psychology, and I've made a lifelong study of psychology.  So I consider the following observation clinically based.  To have the kind of wealth we had, and more so, to have the kind of wealth that our community had, is clinically, ragingly, religiously sociopathic.

This was the other part of my environment, as totally opposite the environment I described above as is actually possible in the universe.  My world consisted of total health (Universal Family), and total pathology (Stuff, Self, Subordinating others).

This extreme duality began its war within me certainly by my early teens, acutely, extremely, excruciatingly, confusingly...  Presenting itself as an unexplained riddle to me, which I've spent much of my life attempting to unravel, succeeded in doing so by about 14 years ago, and have advanced my mastery of understanding every day since.  http://jesusgodgoodetcnjay.blogspot.com/

By my mid teens I was learning, gaining the deep addictions, of the pleasures of wealth, with the best of them.  But the soul that came from my DNA, protected by my  father,  was in constant horror and revulsion at this growing addiction to pleasure (which was taught me as a virtue, as the goal of life).  But but this revulsion was unable to explain itself to me.  And in the face of the voluminous articulated justification of criminal wealth, its voice could not come to dominate my life until my mid forties.  I'd give anything to have all that time back.  I give my life to save others the Hellish detour. http://jesusgodgoodetcnjay.blogspot.com/

If there is anything under reported, by many orders of magnitude, in this crude outline, it is that on the one hand I have felt profound and total community with the one in a million great souls in history that we all hear of, examples of which I've mentioned in this outline.  And that at least as profound, I can’t recall a day in my life that I felt other than like a fish on dry land, gasping for its life for breath, in virtually every aspect of society I encountered.  This is no discredit to anyone, and it is no credit to anyone.  There are one in a million, or one in 100,000 people on earth that I reflexively experienced as kin, and with the rest, I experienced myself as a complete and total alien – different species entirely.  The solitude has many times near killed me.

h)    Answer #14 – Huge, Tall Shoulders I could see, thanks to my dad

In the same way I'd tried to explain to you why I could know  Jesus, see Jesus, as not one in a million can, due to the visual lenses that came from my father, a similar clarity of view, and consequent desperately deep impact, came to me, and comes to me, when I experienced the world's great souls -Gandhi, Martin Luther king, Nelson Mandela, Albert Schweitzer, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Alfred Adler, Abraham Maslow, Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt, Lincoln, and on and on and on and on.  J   I don’t know them because I’ve read books about them. I know them because I’ve read, and re-read, and re-read… near everything they’ve written.  http://jesusgodgoodetcnjay.blogspot.com/p/library.html

i)      Answer #15 - My Ultimate Nightmare come true – 27 years (?) married to one who didn’t Love me (who’s grown into the best friend I’ve had these last 2 years.)

Are we not taught, in this sickest of all societies, that the beginning and ending of the gratifying life is being married to someone that adores you? 

Well this is absolutely the lesson that I learned, and what I yearned for, from just about as early as I can remember, with all of my deluded being.

If there is a second monumentally under reported element in this outline, it is my raging sexoholism, which I recognized not as that, but as a societal virtue, oh my God.  Nothing was more dominant in my life from 4^th grade through age 43 or so, that I can recall, then my obsession with, excitement at, female sexuality.  There is no moralizing in my life, and not in this part of the discussion here.  I don't have to moralize about alcoholism to recognize it as a condition that robs one of a more gratifying life.  My sexoholism robbed me of decades of my life, as it is in the final stages of terminally robbing the soul of America.

I have never met a more beguiling, enchanting, exciting, off the charts brilliant in social skills (Einstein level) person than the woman I married.  The exact opposite of me.  At some level I knew she didn't love me, from day 1, but not at a level I had the courage to recognize, not for a good 20 years.  But this impossibly intoxicating creature clearly wanted me as her husband, so she had to love me, right?  Or at least, she had to be inclined to learning to love me, right?  Well, no credit or discredit to her, no credit or discredit to me, within the last 2 months the riddle finely solved for me.  A survivor of a biological family that was so toxic that two of her  siblings killed themselves, as often happens, she organically learned to survive and flourish, of a sort, through unspeakably brilliant social skills, those same skills that were so excruciatingly intoxicating for me.

She bore me no malice, though literally on the altar, she realized that she found me profoundly unappealing in virtually every regard, except for why she married me - access to the life of stability, and significant privilege, and good to excellent parenting that she knew I would provide to the offspring that she wanted.

i)       My Introduction to Unconditionally Loving by year 17 or so

All of this was simply incomprehensible to me.  I'm not saying I understood it and rejected it.  I'm saying I profoundly could make no sense of it.  How could she marry me, and not love me?  She must love me.  No.  It was never about me.  It was never about marrying me, though she may have thought it was, and may still think it was.  No, it was about marrying the way of life that she knew I would provide - she calls it survival.

NOTE: Like so much of this outline, I can't put the following in a helpful context for you.  But let me eliminate any question you might have in your mind.  This poor creature, this poor, wonderful woman, victim of an unspeakably horrible childhood, had she not chosen me, and married me, I suspect no one else would have.  Ever.  I had the vaguest inclination to that at the time though it was never a factor in any of my decisions.  Try to remember earlier, how I spoke of the profound and total alienation I felt with virtually everyone around me, and still do.  Of course, that is felt reciprocally by those around me.  Who would want to marry such an odd alien?  No one.

Another profoundly under-discussed point here – 17 years into my marriage to her – I found the courage to face that she never had, and never would Love me.  What to do.  Two early teen offspring….  The answer came to me instantly – Love her.  And I did, in every way, with every service, with every breath, for another 10 years – doing both our roles.  No, after that time, my  Loving never stopped, but my physical presence in this totally dead relationship, did.

j)      Answer #15 – My Muse – The woman I married.

This wonderful, impossibly intoxicating woman, that I married was my muse for the next 17 years or so, and maybe for the next 27 years.  It was my desire, it was my duty to her, to awaken within her the only infinite joy, that of loving.  I would, and did, pay any personal price I could see to pay to become the key to unlock joy in what I perceived as her immensely pleasurable, profoundly joyless, lovingless, life.  My failure, attempt, after attempt, year after year, decade after decade, nearly killed me.  Often drove me to the edge of suicide.  But more importantly it drove me to try and learn, and learn, and learn again.  And I did, tho never enough.

I said earlier that were it not for my dad that  nothing I value in myself would exist.  I suspect it's also true that the little that I value in myself that has grown to be of potential help to the world, would have grown to be that, had I not married this exact woman.  I owe everything to that.

[[[ argh – end of revisions, so far.  Sorry. 6AM.  THE NURSE IS CALLING ME TO SURGERY. BYE.]]]]

k)    Answer #16 - The spark of my full rebirth of Loving – 2 male offspring (the child IS parent to the man)

Despite all these superlatives above, with the birth of my two offspring, the sense that my abilities or failings in leading one to a joyful life would largely determine the lives of these two children, increased my determination to learn, to be their path to a joyful life, in a joyless world.  I have no words to express how profoundly central their joy, or potential lack thereof, became in every aspect of my being.  It was total. 

There was never, with the moment of their birth, not for any second, anything in my life that took priority over any attempt I could make to help them toward lives of joy.

l)      Answer #17 – The 1200 kids, black, I didn’t know I had.

By roughly year 27 of my marriage to this wonderful woman my two offspring headlong prior learned her disdain for me, hence the house in which we resided was loveless, profoundly so with respect for me.  Among the few useful concepts in psychology today is the idea of being "stuck".  After decades of trying it was clear that it was not within my power to one stick things in their lives, but that there was hope that with my physical removal they might draw on their incredible capabilities and become unstuck.  Particularly with the woman I was married to, and possibly with the two offspring, I believe this was a correct judgment.

Several years prior time had left a 16 year career as a turnaround expert in the computer industry, retooling myself as an elementary school guidance counselor and placing myself in one of the largest, neediest, elementary schools in the country, in blighted Chester Pennsylvania, just south of Philadelphia.

This was probably the most joyful year of my life.  Bottom line, I realized within months that these 1200 kindergarten through sixth grade children or my immediate children, no more, but no less, was their hold on my heart than my two beloved biological offspring.

I'd say this represented Loving, me, making it through the birth canal to become substantially the universally loving creature that we are all born as, as predisposed by our DNA.

m) Answer #18 – Extraordinary Encounters with Loving Communities

By any objective measure I was very successful in the specialization I created for myself in industry, the business turnaround specialist, ensuring failing organizations, for the purpose of saving people's jobs.  By the end I was making $300,000 a year.

Anyone that knows me knows that any success I had was not due to my charm, good looks, healthful and I am to be around, how engaging....  Any success I had was despite these profound vacuums in my life.

One profoundly significant turnaround in which I was the deciding element, years later I saw a brilliant, young, lieutenant that have helped me and he told me his view of how I had created the Miracle.  What he said was profoundly different than anything I would have said but I recognized he was exactly correct.  He said, you took we hundreds of people, employees, clients, associated vendors, far flung across the country, hating each other when you found us, and you turned us into a family.  Yes, that's what I did, because I detest, with every fiber of my being, anything but that, universal family.

And that's what I attempt to do with every breath, return us to be the universal family, the immediate family to one another, but we were created, by our DNA, to be.

Time and again, by working in producing at three times the level of those who were much more fun to be around, I worked myself into failing situations that would allow me to work this magic.  The joy that was unleashed, every breath, among those strangers, that became true family to one another, fighting for each other's survival, that joy is beyond what all but one and a million can imagine is available in some imaginary have an after death.

These tastes of what was possible became a point of no return for me.  I saw through these experiences what was possible for all of humanity.  It became increasingly impossible for me to not attempt to become a catalyst, a pathway, for the sanity, this universal family, this infinite joy, to prevail on earth.  This is exactly the madness that explains Jesus, Gandhi, King, and the countless others like them.  Nothing more, nothing less, nothing else.

n)    Answer #19 - 45 years of near-Joyless drilling – dry wells, brimming with pleasure

I've reported to you earlier that the profoundly strong, but in articulate voice of my soul, my conscience, could not compete with the profoundly articulate voice of criminal inquiry did in our society, and in my profoundly, naturally wealthy upbringing.

And getting my MBA at a college, and desperately wanting to Wells support, and hold onto, the woman I was married to, I knew nothing to do other than go in the direction society pointed - business.  So after college I got my MBA and became an account executive in the computer industry.

As I've reported to you, by any objective measure, I was extremely successful.  And as ever ported to you, through unspeakably hard work, and using my gifts, I was privileged to create communities of the impossible joy.  But they were fleeting because outside forces were drawn to the success and invariably would "fix" the successes by employing the norms of business and thereby destroying the magic, thereby destroying the universal family.

So the experience of what was possible, the infinite joy, was unmistakably real for me, and excruciatingly fleeting.

I had a profound, but inarticulate ability, for bringing this about. 

I suppose I wish I could say that by 25 years into this professional life I could see where a life of uninterrupted joy was to be found.  I could not.  But I could look at those years of experience and say unmistakably, our western capitalistic way of existence is totally and profoundly in fertile for the joyful lives we were designed to have.

So I reached a point where my destination was unclear but I was profoundly clear that society's idea of the destination was completely and totally wrong.  And my experiences last 14 years, each year, has only taught me how to correct this assessment was.

o)    Answers #20… etc. Not necessarily in any order.

LOL – the rest of this outline will have to wait for a different time.  In just 5.5 hours time I need wake up and travel cross town to get half my liver cared out.

Nite.

i)       Explosive intellectual growth 1^st 2 years in college.

ii)    Tastes of sparking the Beloved Community – in industry.

iii)  Guardian Angels

iv)   A Creator, Creation, that couldn’t bear the thought of me coming home and stinking things up

v)     My 2^nd Family (to me)

vi)   My 3^rd Family – Darfur

vii)My 4^th Family – Palestine

viii)          My 5^th Family – the next 200 billion kids we’re currently torturing and killing with our cowardly allowance of Fossil Fools.

ix)   Daily, agonizing lessons in the first people born and raised fully in The Matrix – 2013 US.

x)      

***** pic. WOW. BREATHTAKING: "Before you speak to me about your religion, fist show it to me in how you treat other people; before you tell me how much you love your God, show me n how much you love all his chiildre; before you preach to me of your passion for your faithy, teach me about it through your compassion for your neighbors. In th end, I'm not as interested in what you have to tell or sell as in how you choose to live and give." Cory Booker

***** Seen non FB. pic. "WHEN THE RICH ROB THE POOR, IT IS CALLED SMART BUSIESS. WHEN THE POOR FIGHT BACK, IT IS CALLED VIOLENCE." FACT.

***** pic. !!!!! ***** Actually, this is the bottom line conclusion of my decades of scholarly study, research, and experiments. Really. Truly. Joy, and Health, is in returning toward the Lives Lived by pre-Columbus Americans, and pre-European Africans. You can't study the scholarly research and reach a different conclusion - you can't.

***** Actually, this is the bottom line conclusion of my decades of scholarly study, research, and experiments. Really. Truly. Joy, and Health, is in returning toward the Lives Lived by pre-Columbus Americans, and pre-European Africans. You can't study the scholarly research and reach a different conclusion - you can't. http://jesusgodgoodetcnjay.blogspot.com/

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details. Cancer Update: Communication blackout pretty much now, for 1-4 days, OR, see ya on the other side!

Tomorrow at 5 am I hop the cross-town bus.

Need to check in to the hospital, surgery intake, 6am.

The carving is scheduled for 8am.

I'm bringing my laptop, but unless I see you on the other side, I'm not expecting to be up to communicating for 1-4 days.

An unforseen project kept me busy all day long at the day shelter I went to for a hot shower, laundry, so I could was with the anti-bacterial soap I was instructed to use - presurgery.

A day's worth of FB and blog posting I am behind on.

My FB sister KK asked me to provide some clues as to key landmarks in my becoming Loving - and I'm trying to provide and post something useful on that, skeletal at best, by tonight.

I'M HUNGRY!  Nothing but clear liquids all day today, and nothing at all of anything after midnight.  My last supper was last night.

So sorry, but all day there's been zero time to check any incoming email, of FB, and there is unlikely to be any time before surgery tomorrow.  So much to do, so little time.

I've written often of the massive sleep requirements during and for the month following chemo.  No idea why. LOL.  For the last 3 nights I've hardly been able to sleep - no, not nerves, or worry.  My body just seems to be coming out from the super-saturation of sleep it was requiring.  Now, this moment, I'm feeling it.  Don't know how late I'll be able to work tonight. 

If  it is to be organ failure, my personal preference, reJoyce for me - I really hate being around what we've done to all of Creation. The only thing that has let me stand being here so long, is the Infinite Joy of fighting to make things what they should be. More - http://jesusgodgoodetcnjay.blogspot.com/search/label/Loving%27s%20Cancer

 Obviously, I've experienced this Cancer as an Extraordinary Gift, tho I'm horrified at the cost to my next 200 billion kids, and if I survive, I'll Joyfully spend EVERY BEAT OF MY HEART on paying it off, and hopefully providing a return on their investment.  But what a wonderful opportunity to face Death, and gain the clarity of who one really is,  who one has become, what one values.

Still on hunger strike(90 days of force feeding Torture, or so?) at Guantanamo: Prisoner number 028. Aljazeera.com

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Eliminate the White Trash / Domestic Terrorism Problem, or your kid's future is Living Hell: Darrell Issa: Park Service chief should step down Politico

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