| EarthTechling |
9.17.2013
Cancer Update: I guess it is spreading :-(
Not real good, I'll guess.
Feb 13 the PET scan showed 2 tumors.
May and June scans showed the same, I am told.
Now the scan shows three, I am told. Despite the Chemo.
I'm guessing the Race is accelerating.
I've asked for clarification from my oncologist.
Feb 13 the PET scan showed 2 tumors.
May and June scans showed the same, I am told.
Now the scan shows three, I am told. Despite the Chemo.
I'm guessing the Race is accelerating.
I've asked for clarification from my oncologist.
***** details: The one thing my dad could not stand.... My dad was the strongest, wisest, bravest, smartest, most brilliant, most creative, most sensitive, most loving person I've ever known, or know of. Everything and anything I value in myself I can trace back to him. How he survived the massive disappointment I must have been to him I'll never begin to understand - makes me writhe in agony, and sob....
The one thing my dad could not stand....
My dad was the strongest, wisest, bravest, smartest, most brilliant, most creative, most sensitive, most loving, kind, patient, giving... person I've ever known, or known of, except for the man Jesus. Yup. Yup. True.
Everything and anything I value in myself I can trace back to him. How he survived the massive disappointment I must have been to him I'll never begin to understand - makes me writhe in agony, and sob at the thought. But he never let on, even once....
He daily withstood work, pressure, stress, pain, fatigue that would kill 20 men, and did so, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, no vacations, golf on occasion, but only in his later years (and much in a desperate attempt to make something out of me), working 8am to 10pm, day in, day out, EVERY WEEKEND, to deliver for his loved ones.
There is no pain, no stress, no workload, no threat... he would not and did not bear for us with the stoicism, quiet, grace, focus... of Legend.
There was one thing he that near killed him, every time, that he could hardly bear - thinking he had hurt, or failed, one of us, or anyone, really. He would all but kill himself to avoid it, and when he thought he had not avoided it, and had hurt one of us, as simple as stepping on a toe (that I don't recall him ever doing) the agony he felt would near kill him. I could see him writhing in agony; exploding at himself in unspeakable rage. Makes me cry to think of his suffering for us.
This too I find in myself, but not to the degree.
The few fools that choose to come anywhere near me, I make it my business to be transparent to them, to try to let them see what they are getting into - traveling close to one that works to be an unviolent equivalent in every respect, of a Navy SEAL, of unviolence - the risk, intensity, danger, potential collateral damage, extremely likely personal destruction - SO THEY CAN QUICKLY FIND THE SANITY TO STAY AWAY.
I live in risk to myself, to fight for our global least of these, and to do so have paid every price cept for physical death, so far, for my global least of these my family, now especially, my next 200 billion kids.
BUT I AM ACUTELY AWARE OF THE LIKELIHOOD OF COLLATERAL DAMAGE FOR ANY AND ALL THAT FOOLISHLY COME NEAR ME. Do Navy SEALS invite their pals behind enemy lines, to come on missions???? Uh, I live behind enemy lines. My every breath is spent on a Mission. Every beat of my heart. This is why, for example, cept when FB has fooled me on occasion, I reach out, never, NEVER, to anyone to Friend me. I don't reach out. NEVER. Never will.
But when folks come close anyway, I am passionately, deliberately transparent, but I let them come close enough to get burned, quick and safe, which always, eventually, usually sooner than later, they do. Never yet has anyone decided to stay close after that, not for long, anyway, except for my few Guardian Angels, especially Bev and Ger, and maybe K. Maybe one or two others. Pac. Alex. Joe. Too soon to tell.
BUT WHEN THEY GET BURNED, I MAKE IT MY BUSINESS TO NEVER ALLOW THEM TO GET HURT AGAIN BY ASSOCIATION WITH ME - I FULLY WITHDRAW, UNLESS, IN THE CASES OF MY GUARDIAN ANGELS, THEY STUPIDLY MAKE UNMISTAKABLY CLEAR, THAT THEY AIN'T GUNNA GO AWAY. (((((((HUGS AND AWE))))))).
IT IS NOT MY BUSINESS, IT IS NEVER MY PLACE, TO DRIVE ANYONE AWAY.
BUT I CAN'T STAND WHEN SOMEONE, OTHER THAN THE ANGELS, GET HURT, ON MY ACCOUNT, THAT 2ND TIME.
After the first burning, I withdraw, I let them go, in relief, feeling their pain.
And even the Angels.
This will never lessen in me, only increase.
My dad was the strongest, wisest, bravest, smartest, most brilliant, most creative, most sensitive, most loving, kind, patient, giving... person I've ever known, or known of, except for the man Jesus. Yup. Yup. True.
Everything and anything I value in myself I can trace back to him. How he survived the massive disappointment I must have been to him I'll never begin to understand - makes me writhe in agony, and sob at the thought. But he never let on, even once....
He daily withstood work, pressure, stress, pain, fatigue that would kill 20 men, and did so, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, no vacations, golf on occasion, but only in his later years (and much in a desperate attempt to make something out of me), working 8am to 10pm, day in, day out, EVERY WEEKEND, to deliver for his loved ones.
There is no pain, no stress, no workload, no threat... he would not and did not bear for us with the stoicism, quiet, grace, focus... of Legend.
There was one thing he that near killed him, every time, that he could hardly bear - thinking he had hurt, or failed, one of us, or anyone, really. He would all but kill himself to avoid it, and when he thought he had not avoided it, and had hurt one of us, as simple as stepping on a toe (that I don't recall him ever doing) the agony he felt would near kill him. I could see him writhing in agony; exploding at himself in unspeakable rage. Makes me cry to think of his suffering for us.
This too I find in myself, but not to the degree.
The few fools that choose to come anywhere near me, I make it my business to be transparent to them, to try to let them see what they are getting into - traveling close to one that works to be an unviolent equivalent in every respect, of a Navy SEAL, of unviolence - the risk, intensity, danger, potential collateral damage, extremely likely personal destruction - SO THEY CAN QUICKLY FIND THE SANITY TO STAY AWAY.
I live in risk to myself, to fight for our global least of these, and to do so have paid every price cept for physical death, so far, for my global least of these my family, now especially, my next 200 billion kids.
BUT I AM ACUTELY AWARE OF THE LIKELIHOOD OF COLLATERAL DAMAGE FOR ANY AND ALL THAT FOOLISHLY COME NEAR ME. Do Navy SEALS invite their pals behind enemy lines, to come on missions???? Uh, I live behind enemy lines. My every breath is spent on a Mission. Every beat of my heart. This is why, for example, cept when FB has fooled me on occasion, I reach out, never, NEVER, to anyone to Friend me. I don't reach out. NEVER. Never will.
But when folks come close anyway, I am passionately, deliberately transparent, but I let them come close enough to get burned, quick and safe, which always, eventually, usually sooner than later, they do. Never yet has anyone decided to stay close after that, not for long, anyway, except for my few Guardian Angels, especially Bev and Ger, and maybe K. Maybe one or two others. Pac. Alex. Joe. Too soon to tell.
BUT WHEN THEY GET BURNED, I MAKE IT MY BUSINESS TO NEVER ALLOW THEM TO GET HURT AGAIN BY ASSOCIATION WITH ME - I FULLY WITHDRAW, UNLESS, IN THE CASES OF MY GUARDIAN ANGELS, THEY STUPIDLY MAKE UNMISTAKABLY CLEAR, THAT THEY AIN'T GUNNA GO AWAY. (((((((HUGS AND AWE))))))).
IT IS NOT MY BUSINESS, IT IS NEVER MY PLACE, TO DRIVE ANYONE AWAY.
BUT I CAN'T STAND WHEN SOMEONE, OTHER THAN THE ANGELS, GET HURT, ON MY ACCOUNT, THAT 2ND TIME.
After the first burning, I withdraw, I let them go, in relief, feeling their pain.
And even the Angels.
This will never lessen in me, only increase.
9.16.2013
pic Nobody can dictate terms to the Mil, Corp, Fossil Fuel, Wall St complex except millions of Leftie citizens in the streets unviolently dictating terms? So why do they blame Obama?
Nobody can dictate terms to the Mil,
Corp, Fossil Fuel, Wall St complex
except millions of
Leftie citizens in the
streets unviolently
dictating terms?
So why do they
blame Obama?
Cancer Update: 7am Fri they go in to kill 1/2 of my liver
Note to my med team:
@ Unless someone can 'accept' me afterwards, they can't do the operation.
Ms. Joanne, Social Worker any thoughts on transportation for me?
........
Doc B and his staff was awesome. Took 15 min right up front to show
me the scans, talk me thru the whole thing, risks, procedure, what
to expect. Just like Doc F, Surgeon lst Fri, but different stuff. Very clear, direct,
thorough, complete, respectful.... Empowered me to make the decisions
that are only mine to make.
So, I have 3 Tumors, not just 2. :-( But they seem to meet the key
criterion - they can be all removed while leaving 1/2 of the liver
intact!
So, Fri, 8am (no food or liquids past midnight, no Lovenox the day
before), I go to Intervention Radiology for a sedated, outpatient
procedure, and 6 hours or so post-op observation. The procedure
is to block the blood flow to the cancerous half of the liver to fool
the good half into increasing in size by 30% or so over the next
3-6 weeks prior to Doc F's liver section of me; and hopefully
I'll not then have organ failure while the removed half regenerates.
Oh boy, what fun. :-) LOL.
Mild if any after effects are expected for me due to Fri, even several hours
later after Fri's procedure. Sure, things can go bad, but that is not expected.
Op could be delayed several hours Fri if the room is needed for something
more crucial. No problemo.
Nurse M, of Doc B, examined my mediport area - did not like the
allergic reaction I seem to be having to 'clear' tape.
Nurse M discussed with Doc B maybe checking out the port while I'm out
on Fri - their idea, not mine. 'No,' he said. The Intervention procedure
was enough for one day. And, as I mentioned to them, I may not ever need
the port again.
Thanks for all you do for me, for us.
James M.
@ Unless someone can 'accept' me afterwards, they can't do the operation.
Ms. Joanne, Social Worker any thoughts on transportation for me?
........
Doc B and his staff was awesome. Took 15 min right up front to show
me the scans, talk me thru the whole thing, risks, procedure, what
to expect. Just like Doc F, Surgeon lst Fri, but different stuff. Very clear, direct,
thorough, complete, respectful.... Empowered me to make the decisions
that are only mine to make.
So, I have 3 Tumors, not just 2. :-( But they seem to meet the key
criterion - they can be all removed while leaving 1/2 of the liver
intact!
So, Fri, 8am (no food or liquids past midnight, no Lovenox the day
before), I go to Intervention Radiology for a sedated, outpatient
procedure, and 6 hours or so post-op observation. The procedure
is to block the blood flow to the cancerous half of the liver to fool
the good half into increasing in size by 30% or so over the next
3-6 weeks prior to Doc F's liver section of me; and hopefully
I'll not then have organ failure while the removed half regenerates.
Oh boy, what fun. :-) LOL.
Mild if any after effects are expected for me due to Fri, even several hours
later after Fri's procedure. Sure, things can go bad, but that is not expected.
Op could be delayed several hours Fri if the room is needed for something
more crucial. No problemo.
Nurse M, of Doc B, examined my mediport area - did not like the
allergic reaction I seem to be having to 'clear' tape.
Nurse M discussed with Doc B maybe checking out the port while I'm out
on Fri - their idea, not mine. 'No,' he said. The Intervention procedure
was enough for one day. And, as I mentioned to them, I may not ever need
the port again.
Thanks for all you do for me, for us.
James M.
nd Few are steeped in the arts as I - My dad a musician, teacher, studio at our house; drenched in broadway, theater, symphony, museums. Adored it. Hate it, pretty much now. Baubles for rich folk, while 4 billion of our brothers and sisters live on $4 per day or less. We go to theater, to 'feel' human, INSTEAD of BEING Human to each other. I fault the artists, prostituting themselves to rich folk, EXCEPT, when they are truly trying to change the world. Not that they should care what I think.
nd Few are steeped in the arts as I - My dad a musician, teacher, studio at our house; drenched in broadway, theater, symphony, museums. Adored it. Hate it, pretty much now. Baubles for rich folk, while 4 billion of our brothers and sisters live on $4 per day or less. We go to theater, to 'feel' human, INSTEAD of BEING Human to each other. I fault the artists, prostituting themselves to rich folk, EXCEPT, when they are truly trying to change the world. Not that they should care what I think.
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