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8.30.2013
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(details) Cancer update: 'Chemo brain,' 'Progressively worse sickness,' Staying quiet and Updating blog Start Loving
'Chemo brain,' it is called, I was told by my nurse at Georgetown Hospital GUH, when I told her there were fewer days and hours per day when my brain didn't feel a bit fuzzy, tingling and numbness in hands and fingers.... I walked 4 blocks in the wrong direction early yesterday morning - I don't do stuff like that. A few other such mind-trick incidents. Yes, Nurse Sue said, the sickness gets progressively worse. I didn't ask her if the effects are reversed when the poison has stopped, after a while. I'm guessing, yes. I'll ask next time, in 2 weeks, Sept 12, when I meet with my oncologist Doc He, she's from China. I did ask her if the fuzziness was cancer getting into my brain, or the chemicals, poison, and like me, she is guessing the later.
My fatigue and fuzziness intensified much sooner with this 4th treatment - hit me pretty hard within hours, and persists. Harder to concentrate. More error prone. Not like me.
So, I'm pulling in, for the moment, for at least the next 3-4 days, I expect - reading, updating the blog. I will not be checking FB or Email during this time. I need to rest, and do some downtime, and maintenance, my body is telling me.
KEEP ON!
I am checking the news, and autoposting to my FB, as I post to the blog. I use twitterfeed, that also simulposts to FB, titles only, with link.
Regarding the blog: I've just posted this note at the top where the most recent posts are listed. Please NOTE:
My fatigue and fuzziness intensified much sooner with this 4th treatment - hit me pretty hard within hours, and persists. Harder to concentrate. More error prone. Not like me.
So, I'm pulling in, for the moment, for at least the next 3-4 days, I expect - reading, updating the blog. I will not be checking FB or Email during this time. I need to rest, and do some downtime, and maintenance, my body is telling me.
KEEP ON!
I am checking the news, and autoposting to my FB, as I post to the blog. I use twitterfeed, that also simulposts to FB, titles only, with link.
Regarding the blog: I've just posted this note at the top where the most recent posts are listed. Please NOTE:
***** My favorite quote of all time? Thanks Cyndi Weaver, for inspiring me to remember it: “Some day, after we have mastered the winds, the waves, the tides and gravity, we shall harness for God the energies of love. Then for the second time in the history of the world, we will have discovered fire.” ― Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
8.29.2013
***** My Revered sisters, I'm dying of cancer. I have a request of you, ALL...
My Revered sisters,
I ASK NOTHING MORE THAN that you read this WHOLE post, deeply,
courageously, holding your nose if need be... HEAR WHAT I AM SAYING IN THIS. HEAR DEEPLY, WITH YOUR SOUL. Yes, I
am boring as Hell. I put glaciers, polar ice caps, to sleep - hmmm, that's an idea. But
can you really turn down what may be my dying wish - to deeply read
this whole thing? Just that???
I'm dying of
cancer, the odds are 80 percent as things stand, that I'll go non-functional within about a year (was supposed to happen by now) (hmmm, where'd those tears come from? I never cry about this. Well, I never think about it, cept this moment, on the bus from the Hospital, sharing with you. Hmm.),
and terminal within about the following year. I'm wearing a poison chemo pump for the next 46 hours, hoping to shrink the cancer, so it is operable, before the poison kills
me. LOL. If in 2 weeks, Sept 12, they find the tumors haven't shrunk enough, they'll offer me $60,000 more of chemo, 4 more months, already knowing my answer, 'NO, I'll not take $60,000 of my future world-children's money for me to have another year or so. Not going to happen.' I've already told them, many times now. But, if they discover on the Sept 9, intensive CT scan, that the tumors in my liver have shrunk enough to operate, they think they can give me a 40% chance at another 7-15 years of fighting, or so. To that, my answer would be Yes.
Oh, and pls, try to remember, I wrote most of it, on my Android, riding across DC wearing my chemo pump (typos, dyslexiaisms, idiocies...)? Thanks. I have few lucid moments left, before this chemo levels me, for the next 4 days. Just try your best, hard, that is all any of us can do. :-(
I'm willing, I'm pretty much expecting, to lose my last female friend over this, as excruciating as that WILL be for me. 90-95% of those I've found to be Friends, Family, fellow Warriors, are you, sisters, in the last 15 years, through today. Oh well.
I'm tough, no worries. Truly, ZERO worries about me. ZERO WORRIES FOR ME. JUST, WHATEVER YOU DO, SAVE MY NEXT 200 BILLION CHILDREN. YOU ARE OUT OF TIME. YOU ARE OUT OF TIME (http://jesusgodgoodetcnjay.blogspot.com/2013/04/dying-4-u-2-c-averting-ecocide-20-nasas.html ). YOU ARE, BY EVERY OBJECTIVE MEASURE, INTO OVERTIME, WITH SECONDS ON THE CLOCK. SECONDS LEFT TO GET TO THE HOSPITAL BEFORE THE FATE OF YOUR BABIES ARE DETERMINED. LITERALLY. ACTUALLY. FOREVER.
In the following I am NOT, not,NOT... talking of seducing (GOD NO, THERE IS ZERO HOPE IN THAT. ZERO. ZERO. INFINITELY TOO WEAK, TOO UN-LOVING. TOO LITTLE, TOO LATE.), I'm talking the nuclear option, what has worked in history, withholding - imagining, and unfolding, a STRATEGIC, MIGHTILY STRATEGIC STRATEGY, FIRST PIN-POINT, THEN UNFOLDING STRATEGY... of WITHHOLDING.
Sparking, inspiring, unleashing a strategic strategy of withholding. Read on.
Yes, it would be a miracle to achieve, and only a miracle, now, BY EVERY OBJECTIVE, SCIENTIFIC, TECHNOLOGICAL, ECOLOGICAL, ECONOMIC MEASURE, NOW, 2013, will give a future to the next generations, to all of creation, to every creature that will ever be on earth.
NOTE: HERE'S THE WHOLE SCIENCE, TECHNOLOGY, ECONOMICS AND ECOCIDAL HELL, IN ONE DRY AS DIRT, AUTHORITATIVE, 30 MIN VID http://jesusgodgoodetcnjay.blogspot.com/2013/04/dying-4-u-2-c-averting-ecocide-20-nasas.html ). TOOK ME 5 YEARS TO ASSEMBLE FROM THE GLOBAL SCHOLARLY LEADERS, AND YOU CAN HAVE IT IN 30 MIN. THERE IS NOTHING ELSE LIKE IT, TO THE ETERNAL SHAME OF THE INTELLECTUALLY ELITE ARMIES MORE CAPABLE THAN I. THE COWARDS.
Per
the video, per 97% of the 3500 PhD climate scientists on Titanic (if you get them in a
corner and help them find the guts to tell it to you straight), it is
2013 to cause the only 6% reduction in fossil fuels PER YEAR, forever, instead of the 3% per year increase, now locked in........ the best case as things stand:
A. the next 2 generations will experience economic destitution paying an estimated 15-25 trillion dollars to try and suck co2 out of the atmosphere (oh, btw, that won't save sea life - all of that will be gone, for 1000 generations); an estimated 20-50% of their lifetime earnings, on top of what taxes you've ever paid, to just try and survive what we've given them, and to remediate some of the future for their kids; and
B. infinitely more likely - ecocide, irreversible, forever, earth hell, earth as eternal, perpetually writhing, Titanic Hell. Lifeless Venus-like earth, will be the eventual, end-game - WILL CERTAINLY be the endgame, unless you sisters work the Miracle. Now. See NASA Dr. James Hansen's, "Storms of My Grandchidren," Venus Syndrome, here and here.Withholding. You know in History, it has been tried before. You know it has worked before - WITHHOLDING.
As you know, in truth, but maybe don't like to face, all wars have been fought, and will always be fought, wars of violence that is, for the real estate that is your female bodies, YOUR FEMALE BODIES. THE GUYS THAT ORCHESTRATE, OR THAT FIGHT WARS, WANT THE PLUNDERS OF WAR (STUFF, FAME, BRAVERY, MONEY, THE HIGH OF YOUR ADMIRING THEIR MACHOISM [IF ONLY IN THEIR ADDICTIVE MINDS...) BECAUSE THEY THINK IT WILL GET SOME OF YOU TO SLEEP WITH THEM.
YES, THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS. The exceptions, the exceptions, the exceptions... prove the rule. Virtually all men, in one way or another, do near everything they do in life, to have sex with you. The exceptions prove the rule. I'm not saying I like it, I HATE it. But that's how it is. Maybe we'll make it different in the future. BUT WHAT I'VE JUST OUTLINED, IS WHAT WE HAVE TO WORK WITH, TODAY.
You know the history better than I, and near all of you are smarter than I, so you know what your sisters did, for the sake of peace, thousands of years ago - Greece? Rome? I forget. Other times and places, too? Are there such smart, strong, wise, disciplined, wise, humble, committed, courageous, LOVING... women today? If not, can the few who are, awaken the many, fast enough? NOW?
Senator(s) wife(s) was pivotal in getting your right to vote. Their Mothers were instrumental to getting the Senators and Congressmen, to vote the right way, as you know better than I. And what of today's Senators? Congressmen? President? Governors? Even, Captains of Industry?
By every objective measure, you are the more compassionate sex, more attuned to life, to the soon terminal life un-worth living for all life on earth. You are the best organizers, and even better among your sisters. By a piece I saw yesterday, you are objectively the smarter sex - the two highest IQ's ever measured are females, I read.
AS I'VE JUST OUTLINED, JUST REMINDED YOU, THE TRUTH IS, YOU ARE THE MOST POWERFUL SEX, BY FAR.
THAT IS THE HORRIBLE, WONDERFUL TRUTH. IF YOU DON'T HAVE THE COURAGE TO FACE IT, WE'RE DOOMED. IF YOU DO HAVE THE COURAGE TO FACE IT, AND GRASP IT...?
THEN, THERE MAY BE A PRAYER.
Maybe what I'm saying here, strategically, has zero possibilities.
But decide, ok? You, decide, ok?
I AM NOT OPEN TO DISCUSSING IT. I AM NOT. I WILL NOT. It is your baby, now, or it is stillborn. Do, or don't do.
IF YOU THINK IT HAS MERRITT, AND YOU HAVE NOT ALREADY, YOU WILL FIGURE OUT WHAT I'M INCAPABLE FIGURING OUT, BEYOND WHAT I'VE SHARED HERE, AND YOU'LL GET IT GOING, remembering, "Full effort is full success," Gandhi.
Remembering, SUSAN B. ANTHONY,
"FAILURE, IS IMPOSSIBLE."
Remembering, ELEANOR ROOSEVELT,
"THOSE WHO WOULD GIVE LIFE, MUST ENDURE BURNING."
Remembering, DIANE WILSON, and here, and here, and here, and here...
"Reasonable women adapt to the world,
and unreasonable women make the world adapt to them. And we need more unreasonable women."
Remembering, SUSAN B. ANTHONY,
"FAILURE, IS IMPOSSIBLE."
Remembering, ELEANOR ROOSEVELT,
"THOSE WHO WOULD GIVE LIFE, MUST ENDURE BURNING."
Remembering, DIANE WILSON, and here, and here, and here, and here...
"Reasonable women adapt to the world,
and unreasonable women make the world adapt to them. And we need more unreasonable women."
IF IT IS STUPID YOU THINK, WHAT I'VE SKETCHED OUT, HORRIBLE, POLITICALLY INCORRECT, HATEFUL, OFFENSIVE..., WHATEVER, WELL, DO WHAT YOU WILL REGARDING ME.
BUT NO MATTER WHAT, IF THERE IS TO BE A FUTURE FOR OUR NEXT 200 BILLION KIDS, FOR ALL OF CREATION, YOU WOMEN ARE THE ONLY ONES WITH THE POWER, OBJECTIVELY, IN TRUTH, IN FACT, TO MAKE IT HAPPEN.
"Gandhi, what is this soul force, this satyagraha, you speak of?"
"I'm talking of the mother's love for her child, the strongest force in the universe."
"I'm talking of the mother's love for her child, the strongest force in the universe."
Again, I AM NOT OPEN TO DISCUSSING THIS WITH YOU. I AM NOT. I WILL NOT. It is your baby, now, or it is stillborn.
I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT YOUR MIGHTY POWER "OVER" - FORCE.
I AM NOT TALKING OF SOME CHEAP, MEDIA ORIENTED, UNDIGNIFIED RANTING.
I AM TALKING OF THE UNSPEAKABLE DIGNITY, AND COURAGE, SHOWN BY YOUR SISTERS DURING THE SUFFRAGE DAYS, THE GREATEST IMPLEMENTATION OF UNVIOLENT WARFARE IN HUMAN HISTORY:
"A Women's Crusade here and here,"
"IRON JAWED ANGELS, here and here," the book;
Iron Jawed Angels here and here, the Movie;
INEZ MILHOLLAND here and here,
I'M TALKING OF YOUR MIGHTY, NEAR INFINITE, POTENTIAL POWER 'FOR' - LOVING, IMPOSSIBLY TOUGH LOVING.
My favorite quote, ever? My favorite quote of all time? Thanks Cyndi Weaver, for inspiring me to remember it:
"Some day, after we have mastered the winds, the waves, the tides and gravity, we shall harness for God the energies of love. Then for the second time in the history of the world, we will have discovered fire.”
I AM NOT TALKING OF SOME CHEAP, MEDIA ORIENTED, UNDIGNIFIED RANTING.
I AM TALKING OF THE UNSPEAKABLE DIGNITY, AND COURAGE, SHOWN BY YOUR SISTERS DURING THE SUFFRAGE DAYS, THE GREATEST IMPLEMENTATION OF UNVIOLENT WARFARE IN HUMAN HISTORY:
"A Women's Crusade here and here,"
"IRON JAWED ANGELS, here and here," the book;
Iron Jawed Angels here and here, the Movie;
INEZ MILHOLLAND here and here,
I'M TALKING OF YOUR MIGHTY, NEAR INFINITE, POTENTIAL POWER 'FOR' - LOVING, IMPOSSIBLY TOUGH LOVING.
My favorite quote, ever? My favorite quote of all time? Thanks Cyndi Weaver, for inspiring me to remember it:
"Some day, after we have mastered the winds, the waves, the tides and gravity, we shall harness for God the energies of love. Then for the second time in the history of the world, we will have discovered fire.”
Everything that is NOT full EFFORT, is full failure, more finally now, than at any other time in the history of Creation.
Sisters, like it or not, the future is in your hands.
If you are honest, you know I will keep doing what I can, and will do EVERYTHING in my power to support you, you that step out, with Diane, with my last breath I will. Just ask Diane Wilson. She might not like what I do, :-), she may hate what I do (I'll never know), but she has to admit, I've done everything in my power to support her Divine Sherosim. Important what I do? No. I'm only saying I put my Life, all that I am, all that I have, every breath, where my mouth is. And never more than now.
If you are honest, you know I will keep doing what I can, and will do EVERYTHING in my power to support you, you that step out, with Diane, with my last breath I will. Just ask Diane Wilson. She might not like what I do, :-), she may hate what I do (I'll never know), but she has to admit, I've done everything in my power to support her Divine Sherosim. Important what I do? No. I'm only saying I put my Life, all that I am, all that I have, every breath, where my mouth is. And never more than now.
"I'm talking of the mother's love for her child, the strongest force in the universe." Gandhi. Me too, that's what I'm talking about. That's what with every breath I Live to embody. "I'm talking of the mother's love for her child, the strongest force in the universe."
THAT'S THE OBJECTIVE TRUTH OF IT....
...EXCEPT, FOR THE CHILDREN. HMMM. THE CIVIL RIGHTS WORKERS. THE ANTI-APARTHEID WORKERS, FOUND A PLACE FOR THE CHILDREN... AT THE FRONT, THE FRONT, THE FRONT OF THE MOVEMENT. AND IT MOVED MOUNTAINS. THEY WOULD NEVER, NEVER, NEVER... HAVE MOVED THE MOUNTAINS WITHOUT THE CHILDREN IN FRONT.
AND WHO HAS THE MORAL RIGHT TO KEEP THE CHILDREN FROM FIGHTING, WITH THEIR VERY LIVES IF NEED BE, FOR THEIR VERY PLANET?????????????? NO ONE. BUT WE'VE KEPT THEM TOTALLY IGNORANT....
...EXCEPT, FOR THE CHILDREN. HMMM. THE CIVIL RIGHTS WORKERS. THE ANTI-APARTHEID WORKERS, FOUND A PLACE FOR THE CHILDREN... AT THE FRONT, THE FRONT, THE FRONT OF THE MOVEMENT. AND IT MOVED MOUNTAINS. THEY WOULD NEVER, NEVER, NEVER... HAVE MOVED THE MOUNTAINS WITHOUT THE CHILDREN IN FRONT.
AND WHO HAS THE MORAL RIGHT TO KEEP THE CHILDREN FROM FIGHTING, WITH THEIR VERY LIVES IF NEED BE, FOR THEIR VERY PLANET?????????????? NO ONE. BUT WE'VE KEPT THEM TOTALLY IGNORANT....
THE MOTHERS, THE WOMEN, COULD MAKE THAT HAPPEN, NOW.... WILL THEY? WILL ANYONE(S) LEAD?
THE MEN, CAN NOT DO THAT. DUH. BUT, THEY CAN, AND WILL, FOLLOW.
THE MEN, CAN NOT DO THAT. DUH. BUT, THEY CAN, AND WILL, FOLLOW.
Your brother forever, no matter what, Loving
ps: I AM NOT OPEN TO DISCUSSING IT. I AM NOT. I WILL NOT.
pps: I wonder if any of you are going to share this. It is of ZERO importance if you do, THAT I KNOW. And if you do, it would be infinitely better if you reformulate it UNDER YOUR OWN NAME. LEAVE ME 100% OUT OF IT, ONE TRILLION MILES AWAY FROM IT. I'M PRETTY TOXIC, BY NOW. THINK, PLUTONIUM.
ppps: Oh, I wish I'd thought of this. Saw on FB several days ago. Something like...
pppps: Sorry, one last, obvious, thing. The issues you care about - women's rights, equal pay, education for your kids, economic opportunity for your kids, ending wars, quality of life for your kids, gender equality, immigration reform, health care... did I mention, ENDING WARS? Gone, for the next 1000 thousand generations, objectively. The next 1000 generations will be nothing but one extended war for survival, a death spiral, unless you work an impossible miracle, now. FACT. And you won't, unless you try.
"The person that wants to do something, finds a way. The person that doesn't, finds an excuse."
pps: I wonder if any of you are going to share this. It is of ZERO importance if you do, THAT I KNOW. And if you do, it would be infinitely better if you reformulate it UNDER YOUR OWN NAME. LEAVE ME 100% OUT OF IT, ONE TRILLION MILES AWAY FROM IT. I'M PRETTY TOXIC, BY NOW. THINK, PLUTONIUM.
ppps: Oh, I wish I'd thought of this. Saw on FB several days ago. Something like...
pppps: Sorry, one last, obvious, thing. The issues you care about - women's rights, equal pay, education for your kids, economic opportunity for your kids, ending wars, quality of life for your kids, gender equality, immigration reform, health care... did I mention, ENDING WARS? Gone, for the next 1000 thousand generations, objectively. The next 1000 generations will be nothing but one extended war for survival, a death spiral, unless you work an impossible miracle, now. FACT. And you won't, unless you try.
"The person that wants to do something, finds a way. The person that doesn't, finds an excuse."
99% of what I'm interested in is what someone says with their deeds, not with their mouths, or pens, or keyboards. I've never learned a more important lesson, and no important lesson took me as long to learn.
99% of what I'm interested in is what someone says with their deeds, not with their mouths, or pens, or keyboards. I've never learned a more important lesson, and no important lesson took me as long to learn.
***** "Loving, what is your religion?" I'm asked now and then. "Same as Jesus, Loving. "No, no disrespect, not christianity, that 'religion' made up AFTER his death, made up under his brand, put in his mouth, in his name, because we HATED, and HATE his ACTUAL Religion, that he lived and died to return us to - Loving." Yup, me too. "Loving, the only True Religion. The Religion of near all of the 'founders' of ALL religions."
"Loving, what is your religion?" I'm asked now and then. "Same as Jesus, Loving."
"No, no disrespect, not christianity, that 'religion' made up AFTER his death, made up under his brand, put in his mouth, in his name, because we HATED, and HATE his ACTUAL Religion, that he lived and died to return us to - Loving."
Yup, me too. "Loving, the only True Religion. The Religion of near all of the 'founders' of ALL religions."
"No, no disrespect, not christianity, that 'religion' made up AFTER his death, made up under his brand, put in his mouth, in his name, because we HATED, and HATE his ACTUAL Religion, that he lived and died to return us to - Loving."
Yup, me too. "Loving, the only True Religion. The Religion of near all of the 'founders' of ALL religions."
Cancer Update: As I sit here in the hospital, on my 4th, and possibly last infusion of chemo poison, 2 2 weeks before finding if the cancer is operable... Whatever the Divine Parent of us all, the Creator of all wants regarding me here on Titanic (pka Earth), is Her business, not mine. :-) She wants me Home? I could use the rest. My preference, is to stay and fight a bit longer, cuz I think I'm beginning to learn how to be useful. But the 'when,' in when I go Home, is Her business not mine. MY business is to use every breath she gives me to fight for a Life worth living for my next 200 billion kids, and all of creation.
As I sit here in the hospital, on my 4th, and possibly last infusion of chemo poison, 2 2 weeks before finding if the cancer is operable...
Whatever the Divine Parent of us all, the Creator of all wants regarding me here on Titanic (pka Earth), is Her business, not mine. :-) She wants me Home? I could use the rest. My preference, is to stay and fight a bit longer, cuz I think I'm beginning to learn how to be useful. But the 'when,' in when I go Home, is Her business not mine.
MY business is to use every breath she gives me to fight for a Life worth living for my next 200 billion kids, and all of creation.
Whatever the Divine Parent of us all, the Creator of all wants regarding me here on Titanic (pka Earth), is Her business, not mine. :-) She wants me Home? I could use the rest. My preference, is to stay and fight a bit longer, cuz I think I'm beginning to learn how to be useful. But the 'when,' in when I go Home, is Her business not mine.
MY business is to use every breath she gives me to fight for a Life worth living for my next 200 billion kids, and all of creation.
***** Best definitions of Loving I've ever seen... "Love is that which cannot remain passive in the face of suffering." Teresa of Calcutta - best definition of Love I've ever seen, cept my own, "Love is Soul, in Solidarity, Serving our Global Neediest." Your brother, Loving
"Love
is that which cannot remain passive in the face of suffering." Teresa
of Calcutta - best definition of Love I've ever seen, cept my own...
"Love is Soul, in Solidarity, Serving our Global Neediest." Your brother, Loving
"Love is Soul, in Solidarity, Serving our Global Neediest." Your brother, Loving
nd There is a special place in hell for those that use the corpses of the Holocaust to perpetrate another Holocaust.
There is a special place in hell for those that use the corpses of the Holocaust to perpetrate another Holocaust
I respect every creature, every thing, even humans. S. Loving
I respect every creature, every thing, even humans. S. Loving
READ THIS ARTICLE!!! Pope Francis has some Deathly flaws - women, activist women, gays, abortion, condoms.... BUT POPE FRANCIS HAS SOME BREATHTAKING GOODNESS, TOO. READ THIS!!!!
Pope Francis has some Deathly flaws - women, activist women, gays, abortion, condoms.... BUT POPE FRANCIS HAS SOME BREATHTAKING GOODNESS, TOO. http://www.catholicherald.co.uk/news/2013/08/29/we-need-a-restless-heart-just-like-st-augustine-says-pope/ READ THIS!!!!
Almost no one is on the planet I'm on, anymore. We were all born there, almost everyone has left, and no one returns. S. Loving
Almost no one is on the planet I'm on, anymore. We were all born there, almost everyone has left, and no one returns. S. Loving
pic NEVER LABEL YOURSELF OR ANYONE: "I simply feel that a human being must always recognize that he is qualitatively more than any system of thought he can imagine and therefore he should never label himself [or anyone else, EVER.]" Alan Watts
pic NEVER LABEL YOURSELF OR ANYONE: "I simply feel that a human being must always recognize that he is qualitatively more than any system of thought he can imagine and therefore he should never label himself [or anyone else, EVER.]" Alan Watts
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