Cancer update: oncologist no longer hopeful for me.... details.
[[[ btw: pls don't miss the TAB now #1 at the top of this site:
Thank you. ]]]
I've just finished my third chemo infusion and I'm on the bus back across town to the homeless shelter infirmary where I stay during the treatment, as I am too weak to manage out on the street , at my Creations Murder Vigil, where I would infinitely rather be. :-(
My oncologist is no longer hopeful.
My first oncologist at Howard University was not hopeful.
For the stage 4 cancer in my liver that I have, the expert literature on line is not hopeful.
My new oncologist at Georgetown, an institution which I have great confidence, is not hopeful, wanting me to schedule yet a 5th infusion, on the way to a desperate, low probability, full six month infusion, which was never discussed with me in months. She doesn't yet know that I would not accept the funding for that. That $60,000 is not worth giving me another year or two of life. Our children need that.
In the seven months since the tumors were discovered, it was only my second oncologist, in whom I have great confidence, that had expressed any hope for me.
We will move from speculation, estimate, statistical probability... To near certainty in about 25 days. That is when they will re-scan my liver to see if I've beaten the 5 to 1 odds, against it still being operable, and not rapidly terminal.
When many months ago I was told that once cancer hits your liver it kills you pretty quick, I never then or since asked why. But on an unrelated news item, it was talking about why it is so important what we eat, talking about what we eat and breathe, why this is so crucial, it is because every cell in the body replaces itself within 10 years or something like that. Every skin cell, as I understand it replaces itself within 30 days. For bone cells, it is much longer, it takes about 10 years for each and every bone to totally replace itself. Wanna know how long it takes every liver cell to totally replace itself, how long it takes liver to completely regenerate itself, a cycle that repeats throughout your entire life? Wanna know how fast that metabolism is for the liver? Just over four months. :-(
So I'm probably toast. Burnt toast, pretty quick. Lol.
I'm not sad about this. I'm not sad about the prospect of my physical imminent death. It is only my avatar.
I'm distraught, to tears that are welling up in me as I type now, that I'll likely not be here much longer to fight for a future for our next 200 billion kids, for all of creation. That's how likely not be around much longer to try and goad, inspire, cajole, harass... You to do the same.
About the prospect of that, at the moment, I am profoundly sad. Distraught. Uutterly distraught.
Now, back to work.
So much to do, so little time , it's all being decided within months, for my next 200 billion kids.
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