[I probably can't name 4 times a year that in the 8 years here in DC anyone has shown profound, appropriate kindness or help to me; among the infinite indications as to how individually and collectively Dead we western humanoids have become. One of those times occurred within this last week - a kind man became concerned that I didn't have access to nutritious food, or health care, and offered to help me secure that - an offer that I accepted. Being homeless I carry the clothes that keep me alive, and the equipment I use to serve humanity with me in a large backpack and a very large and fat rolling case. When the guards at this government office where my friend met me to help me secure access to food and healthcare treated me as poor homeless dirt, and after my verbal attempts to awaken their humanity failed, I escalated to non-verbal expressions of the inappropriateness of their behavior. Understandably, and clearly, it later became obvious to me that I'd greatly alarmed my friend, and hence the following note to said friend.]
... BTW, I assure you that my 8 yr record in DC speaks clearly - that you have no reason to worry about what my behavior may be in checking my stuff into the motor vehicles offices. You saw the very most 'aggressive' I get, and I only allow that extremely rarely. I don't much care what is done to me, or what happens to me, but I refuse myself the luxury of remaining 'silent' in the face of injustice (real or potential) to others, hence my non-verbal 'noise' at [that gov office] - offering a wake-up call to those fellows that NO ONE should be treated like that. It wasn't an act or manipulation on my part, but it WAS the 'non-verbal' communication that I felt my two guard-brothers were owed by me, and that others like me were owed from me. And I only escalated after several attempts to have these brothers 'see' that they were not treating me as they would want to be treated - just the simple courtesy of basic, BASIC directions as opposed to obvious disdain and explicit disrespect.
Brother, I don't request that you read the following, but I think you were quite alarmed by my actions with the security guards at [that gov office] , so I happily offer this to you, if you wish. And my awareness of your alarm prompted me to reflect; the following is part of that work / reflection, and I'll post it now on my
SL Blg without in anyway identifying you, that others might learn as I am -
This willingness to forcefully 'express' stuff like I did is neither in my
nature, nor what I was taught in my nice, disgustingly sheltered elite suburban upbringing. But I've been 'learning,' in an accelerated fashion, these last 12 years, what Love demands; what being a
Brother means.
As I've mentioned, the Secret Service at the WH house have 1000's of hours with me under their view....
About 3 weeks ago I was with my banners in the street in front of the White House. I'm no fan of Connie, her fundamental, incessant nastiness / abusiveness, but my 'brotherhood'
is unconditional. In Truth, I'm the ONLY one that has been an 'friend' to her, without fail, since Thomas died; a pretty shocking fact given that she has been a DC institution for 30 years now; a fact that is testament to A. How nasty and self-serving she is, B. How devoid of Love DC (absolutely including the 'activist' community - hypocrites, lip-service vs life-service, and my brothers and sisters all) is, and
C. the Unconditionality of my Love, for which I take ZERO credit,
but that is my Life's work now to infect (not 'inflict' :-) ) others with, as I've been infected. (BTW, this is that most sacred of all writings that ever I've seen - that
Heschel essay - from one of my blogs.)
So, about 3 weeks ago I noticed that two mid 20 somethings were ridiculing her behind her back and taking pictures. I left my things in the street, and walked over to the one in the street taking pictures and began telling him that it was improper to be ridiculing someone, and I placed myself in between Connie, whose back was turned to us all, and the camera, ruining his clear shot. He escalated his taunts at me, but I also saw that he was embarrassed, as he should be. I allowed he taunts, and stood there willing to absorb more from him, if that was the experience he needed to give himself, and after about 60 seconds he and his friend departed. I felt clearly that I'd given both he, his friend, and Connie the respect and brotherhood that they all three are owed by me. As I was returning to my stuff, a Secret Service agent I'd never spoken with, late 30ish, approached me. 'Uh oh,' I thought. 'Are you ok Start' he asked, clearly concerned? I misinterpreted his question at first. I assumed from the situation that he'd be challenging / rebuking my confrontation. No. It became explicitly clear from his comments that this officer knew beyond any doubt that I'd never participate in a violent confrontation. He was genuinely concerned that I'd been mistreated by the couple. I assured him that I had been the initiator, and there was zero problem. This is the level of trust and respect their 10,000's of hours of observation have earned me. This is entirely opposite of the distrust and disrespect that Connie and Thomas earned from them.
I am indeed no longer the disengaged, neglectful of my social duty fellow of most of my decades. But I am always, and unconditionally a 'brother,' thank Good, to everyone including the abusers, violators, the mean.... unwilling to be silent, and unwilling to be unclear in my input to others that are mistreating folks. I RARELY, MAYBE NEVER take responsibility for their behavior - it is not my job to change them. But it IS my job, my DUTY to give them input - clear, CLEAR input, and escalate in doing so if necessary, but not beyond a point; despite the personal risk of all sorts this opens me up to - cowardice maybe being the ultimate, universal Sin; that which Gandhi despised and feared above all else, rightly so.
I told you of my extremely harsh encounter with a middle aged, female guard after hours at the power plug that has been my life-line for almost a year now outside that Caribou. I was immensely harsh with her, probably more than ever before or since in my life to anyone - it was soooo wrong her self-righteous destroying such a lifeline to me and the few other homeless that would charge their cell phones, or wheel-chairs there after hours, so I offered her clarity on that, in no uncertain terms, for her to do with what she would - extremely harsh, but not abusive input, to do with as she saw fit.
I told you how I anonymously bought her a cup of hot chocolate a week or so later, and then told her it was my delight to do so, as an attempt to make amends, and how she aggressively, warmly said, 'AMENDS ACCEPTED!' LOL, the story continues. The time that I most desperately need that plug is sat and sun night cuz Caribou closes early those days. She was on duty during the week, and none of the other guards have EVER SAID ANYTHING! Sunday night, around the corner she came! "Hello ma'am!," I said cheerfully and genuinely. "I didn't know you were on weekends!" "I am tonight," she said with equal warmth, and cheer! "OK, ma'am, I'll pack up immediately if that is what you want, but if you could give me an additional 30 min that's when I'd be done anyway." "Well, I can't give you 30, but I'll give you 15," and away she walked, her cheer and warmth continuing. I was packed up in 15 min, I'm a man of my word, but a contractor boss appeared and I gave him the help he asked for in connecting his laptop to the Caribou wifi, so I was in the area another 25 minutes, and was aware that this guard, who the first time had supervised me like a mean prison guard, was nowhere to be seen.
She sought me out in the Caribou yesterday! Warmly and cheerfully, and very pleased with herself, "Well, you noticed that I didn't come around again Sunday night!" I warmly acknowledged her meaning and relied, "Well, ma'am, I did notice that! But I'm a man of my word, so I was packed up in 15 min as I said I would." Her interfering with this plug, was/is mean, wrong... Period. I felt, that first night, that I OWED IT TO HER, to offer her, in unmistakable terms, that view, so I did, with all the expertise at high stakes communication and constructive confrontation that my 59 years has afforded me. Thank God, as I ALMOST ALWAYS find, I had the effect I was aiming for - an engagement of her Conscience, Humanity, Sisterhood - Sanity.
Finally, if you've found this worth reading Friend, I unexpectedly encountered Connie briefly yesterday, or actually, she saw me and came to speak. Soft, gentle, respectful, as only a few times per year she can be seen with anyone. She expressed concern / worry about me that she'd not seen me in the park - was I ok. I explained that this stage of my campaign had demanded intensive 14 hr per day computer work, that I was fine. Unmistakeably what was going on, as anyone and everyone that knows Connie well would testify, she is feeling she wants, or may want, something from me, and hence the niceness. But that's not all bad!
Brother, among the lessons I'd never have guessed I needed, nor were even possible, that I've received these last 8 years or so in DC, were that 90-99.999% of bad / evil / destructive / self- destructive / insane... behavior is due to the enabling of others. We choose to be 'nice,' 'non-confrontational,' 'avoidant,' OR equally bad, 'hostile,' 'mean,' 'violent,' ... in the face of injustice, to others, OR ourselves. I REJECT THESE. My brothers and sisters are OWED by me CLEAR COMMUNICATION IN TERMS THEY MIGHT BE ABLE TO SEE AND HEAR. And with rare exceptions, I've found the Love to give it, and the willingness to take whatever consequent risk, hostility, abuse, anger, hate, distrust... results. True Friends don't enable.
Connie is sooooo hateful because she is a world-class master of manipulating people to accept it. I won't do that to her, and her softness, solicitousness... of yesterday was a clear confirmation that my efforts are not entirely in vain. We'll see.
Thru this long communication with you am I asserting that I'm perfect, infallible, above reproach...? I WISH!!!!!!!!!! But I am asserting that what you witnessed is CENTRAL to what I've come to understand EVERYONE OWES his / her Brother or Sister - Tough Love, to the highest possible standard of responsibility to find that thin line between cowardly passivity, and and self-indulgent violence. In this sick and objectively dying world (Heschel) if Love is not Tough - it is not Love.
:-) I'll save telling you about the arrest I helped with several months ago in the metro, the death threat I predictably received as a result weeks later, and the psychiatric help that ultimately came as a result to the perpetrator... for a later time.
"Love AS I HAVE LOVE." OFTEN, for Him, Jesus, that included extreme harshness. And today's times demand no less from us. The alternative being the cowardice that Gandhi most detested.
sl
