I NEVER expected Alienation and Joy to be linked!
That I feel profoundly alienated from Religion, the middle class,
the business world, Americans, the Religious, the elite
the "Peace" / Activist community... (all but the military)...
probably does not shock anyone that knows me.
I've felt profoundly, and excruciatingly alienated from virtually
all segments of society, well, for as long as I can remember,
into my earliest years.
I don't recall the thought ever occurring to me that this
alienation would ever be associated with anything but
great pain, agony. But with Joy, utter Joy,
Freedom, Air, Life, Peace??? But I realized last week that,
so it is!
The spark for this realization was when I found myself writing
something I'd never thought or written before - ever -
"GOD DAMN AMERICANS" in conjunction with the Congress'
repudiation of the Goldstone report - a consummately Naziesque
move - Right is Wrong, Good is Bad - Orwellian move relative to our
Palestinian Family. NO this was not an expression of hate by me.
Americans are [part of] my Family. But it WAS an expression
that Americans are no longer EXCLUSIVELY my Family!!!!!!!!
Palestinians are every bit as much my Family!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, in my head, and my Heart this has been true, for my
whole life! But NOW IT IS TRUE IN MY SOUL, IN MY VERY
BEING - THEY ARE PART OF ME, AS AMERICANS ALWAYS HAVE
BEEN!!!!!!!
This is such Joy!!!! It is the Joy an addict feels when he
realizes he is CLEAN of his addiction! This is the "Wholeness"
our sister Diane writes of.
Yes, my alienation is COMPLETE (or MORE complete than
it has been). And on the other side of excruciating partial alienation
is JOY!!!! On the other side of partial alienation is OUR FATHER-
UNITY WITH OUR FATHER. WHOLENESS!!!!!!!!!! UNITY!!!!!!!!
Now, it is not that I am alienated from ANYONE now. I am
alienated from the sub-human FORMS we've embraced
as normal - I AM ALIEN FROM THE MATRIX IN ALL ITS FORMS!!!
My point is not to claim some sort of personal achievement,
accomplishment, status.... My point is to share the attributes
of this journey that Jesus and others have died to lead
us on!
I have asthma now. For the last month it has been developing.
It is very difficult for me to get more than 3 hours of sleep or
so - I'm continually being awakened every minute or so
gasping for breath. That, the chest pain of a month
ago, the rapid destruction of my teeth (huge holes in the crowns,
1/8" ea. where my night grinding has literally destroyed them...
make me very aware of my vulnerability and mortality.
I have zero wish for death. I do not fear death. Whether I live or
die is not my business - it is Our Father's business, and I
experience being SOOOOOO totally at Peace with that. I find
Living as Brother an infinite fascination. If find the prospect of my death
exactly and entirely and simply just one interesting part of my
Life. Fascinating.
Why the Joy? Why this complete Peace? I live with
Our Father already. Yes, I was excruciatingly
"alien" from almost everyone in my life since my earliest years.
I despised that feeling. What I didn't realize was that I was
ALIEN FROM OUR FATHER. I was caught between the two worlds!!!
I'M NOT ALIEN FROM OUR FATHER ANYMORE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And I'm not alien from ANY of Our 6.7billion Family - in their
essence - but totally in their InHumanity that is killing them.
You Prodigal Brother.
:-)
