Just to share with you, there are, and for years now in my life, there has been nothing really but a long string of "failures" in my life. At least, truly, that is how any but the most "enlightened" observers would have to view my life. You are lucky, in a way, to get the occasional "tail wagging," or friendly "deer in the yard" encouragements and rewards. But with me God has pretty well chosen to just keep on stripping me of resources, support, safety, security, RESULTS....
And Sister, I'm perfectly fine with that, to my surprise and amazement. And, I don't think it was (or IS) much different for Jesus! I know I am doing what She/He/It wants me to do. And that is my reward. And it is better than anything, all the riches and pleasures I was born to and gorged on most of my life. It IS Life, and the other was trash.
Now mind you, God connecting me with you and a very few others is an incredible Blessing and Joy. But the 99.999% of my life that is NOT spent with you is.... Heaven (AND Hell).
It is that being filled with God / Universal Love - well it is like swimming in it, Yes? This is Heaven, if we are careful to find it, and Enter In.
Love you.