For HEROES. New blog contemplated

For HEROES

Dear IFam, I'm back thru the rabbit hole after 35 years

That's the best I can describe it, and problematically, the analogy that has come to me, that of the rabbit hole - I've never read "Alice in Wonderland!" So the analogy my be terrible! But I think not.

My understanding is that Alice traveled between two realms and as we traveled with her into "Wonderland" we could experience how profoundly, and utterly disorienting it was; like the most aggressive of amusement park rides. Well, that is how it feels for me.

I've returned "Home" after 35 years, to our Father's Kingdom, our birthright, the place we are all born to... and leave, needlessly, horrifically. At best, it must look to you like I have gone into Alice's "Wonderland," of a sort. At worst... I can't imagine how it looks to you, or what your fears and hurts might be. But I try to imagine what it is like for you; and I ache and quake at the thoughts.

My first time through the rabbit hole was abandonment of "saving the world," for the pursuit of sex/marriage and the "real" world, making the woman I was married to and my "family" pleased and proud, pursuing the American "way of life." I remember "Business School" at Syracuse University. It felt like Hell. The value was money/stock holder wealth/profit/safety/security/career advancement.... My body literally hurts at the recollection of it. But tragically, rather than recoil, I found what I thought was "courage" and "responsibility" and plunged onward, contorting and crippling my Soul to fit through that inhumanly small rabbit hole.

I spent the next 35 years pretty much, in a world that seemed as absurd and inhuman as "Wonderland" did to Alice.

Well, now I'm back Home, but it's been 35 years.

No one was Home when I left, except for my bio-father, and when I had the sense to find him, the Father of us all. I suppose that is a major reason that I left in the first place - it was so lonely! Trouble is, living away from Home was infinitely more lonely - a world of zombies and no Father!!!!!!!

Well, now that I am back practically no one is Home. But I say practically. It is sort of like a huge Home that has become a field hospital. With the occasional exception of Thomas (who is usually quite ill) and a few others the occupants of Home are so "ill." [Jay, all this "illness" talk, this is pretty offensive! Well, it is like Dave Dellinger said,

"...decent people ... have been conditioned by a sick society into playing anti-social roles, the basic inhumanity of which they do not understand."

"This is a diseased world in which it is impossible for anyone to be fully human. One way or another, everyone who lives in the modern world is sick or maladjusted. Slick businessmen and bosses, parasitical coupon clippers, socially blind lawyers, scientists, and clergymen are as much victims of "a world they never made" as are the rough and irresponsible elements of America's great slums."

"The only way we can begin to break the vicious circle of blindness, hatred, and inequality is to combine an uncompromising war upon evil institutions with an unending kindness and love of every individual-including the individuals who defend existing institutions."

Isn't this what Jesus told us, with all the shit-from-the-ages-that-the-Church-has-piled-on washed off? Isn't this what the "Fall" is ALL ABOUT?!?! Well, back to my points.] Who are these occupants I am encountering? Some are homeless (lowercase "H"), most are materially poor [what do you do if you can't afford a middle class lifestyle for ALL of your kids? :-) Well, I abandoned most of mine, in favor of two. Some of these folks are doing better, abandoning fewer than I did.] They are outcasts of society. THEY EXIST OUTSIDE OF SOCIETY! Hmmmmmm. Like Jesus.

My point? It is not easy being back Home. Back through the Rabit Hole - absurd and profoundly disorienting. Scary. Daunting. I've forgotten the language; I have no idea where things are; if there are resources I don't know where they are; I don't know how to contribute well; it is like a Hospital ward with a bunch of walking wounded and no supplies, no help, NO TRAINING, and NO LEADERSHIP; I'm walking wounded although I've regained a lot of my Health. And, not only is the hospital filled with wounded, not only is the war raging around us, we are the "enemy," or, the "diseased," the masses of really sick people think! They want to lock us away; and they often do.

:-) Enough for now.

Love forever, your brother, jay

Dear Inner - Family (IFam)

"Inner family (IFam)," an expression that Dave Dellinger used. He thanked his inner-family for helping him find the strength to integrate with his entire human family, his Outer-Family. :-)

Miss you all. I love what I am doing, the "path" I am walking too much to leave it, but following it does have its costs!

I remain at Thomas's for the purpose of bringing the construction to an end. This has been a great honor and blessing. If things are not wrapped up this week I'll be amazed, but I've been amazed for weeks now! :-)

Vigiled with the Catholic Workers yesterday at the White House for an hour. We were joined by the Guatemala Human Rights Commission/USA. Wow, there is a lot of work to do.

Miss you all,

your loving brother, jay

Christian? Suffering. Christian? Hero.

"The right decision tends to lie in the direction of courage," Alfred Adler.

"Christianity lies in the direction of suffering," brother jay.

"Mental health, on such an aflicted planet, lies in the direction of suffering," brother jay

Wow, this is a big leap for me; a really important insight into what has driving my life that has been missing up until today. NO, SUFFERING IS NEVER, NEVER, NEVER THE GOAL. Driving through the desert on the way from LA to Las Vegas is usually not the goal either, but if you ain't driving through the desert, you probably are not on the way to Las Vegas either.

If a father's child is starving to death is the healthy father suffering, and acting heroically, acting "Christian?"

If a brother's sister is being gang raped is the healthy brother suffering, and acting heroically, acting "Christian?"

Etc? Etc? Etc? Etc? Etc? Etc...?

Jesus told us:

p79 "All men are His children, and therefore all are brothers to you."

p72 "If all praise them [the rich], woe to them, because only deceivers get everybody's praise."

p102 "... Our flesh is the true food for the real life."

p118 "Now the kingdom of heaven is attainable on earth, and great are they who enter it. But they enter it, not the rich, but those who have nothing."

p121 "... sell all your goods, and give them to the poor ..."

p124 "... put in [all that you have] ... put in [your] whole life ..."

p139 "There are shepherds to whom the sheep are the chief interest in life, and who give up their lives for the sheep. These are true shepherds.

p140 "My teaching is this - to give up one's life for the life of men."

p194 "My commandment is, that you love one another as I have loved you."

"In a suffering world, the Christian leads those s/he loves toward suffering; like Jesus did," brother jay. Doing the opposite of this, leading my bio-children away from "suffering" was my gravest Sin. God forgive me.

Not Suffering? Not Christian.

Not Heroic? Not Christian.

Not leading your loved-ones toward suffering? Not yet Christian.

Christian? Visionary.

During the "Q&A" period after a Friends of the Congo meeting this week I ranted at some length how the letter writing campaign they were calling for would do no more than kill years worth of time. Only people standing with their lives would make a positive difference, I said. You know, my usual speil. There were a few heads solidly nodding in agreement and a lot of blank stares. The usual.

When the meeting ended and I was walking out by myself (the usual :-) I heard, "sir, sir...." A tall late 20's man from Congo had followed me out. "I share your vision," he said. "May I have your contact info so we can stay in touch?" He probably will not.

The second time this week that the word "vision" struck me came while constructing a previous post -
Howard Zinn Remembering Dave Dellinger. Howard was saying, "...I was in World War II, I was a bombardier in World War II, I wasn't thinking about pacifism or war. You know, I was imbued like everybody else with the idea of a good war. Dave Dellinger saw beyond that. He saw farther than that."

This is what The Lord's Prayer is utterly and entirely, 100% about - developing our vision:
1. "Our Father in Heaven" Developing our vision: 1. That we are ALL ONE FAMILY; and 2. What a Father of all-one-family would want me to do this instant!
2. "Hallowed be your name" Developing our vision of who our Father is - the "Goodness" we can see in Jesus, the Saints (except for the "miracle" shit), an incredibly loving person in your life (if you are really lucky)....
3. "Your Kingdom come" Vision of what the Kingdom looks like.
4. "Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven... Vision that our behavior must "look" exactly like it would in Heaven.
5. "Give us [all] this day our daily bread." Vision that we are required to be Visionary Leaders. The "bread" is vision-of-what-our-Father-wants-us-to-do-today! We are required to give that "bread," to "be" that vision for our brothers and sisters. Everyone! Leadership is everyone's job. You are Evidence. YOUR LIFE might convince/convict us of what? "...the fulfillment of the Father's will depends on each man's effort and striving to make people see that life is given, not for oneself personally, but for the fulfillment of the Father's will, which alone saves from death and gives life." Jesus (Leo Tolstoy, "Gospel in Brief.")
6. "Forgive us our trespasses," 7. "As we forgive ... Vision of my errors, vision that "understanding" of other's errors is mandated.
8. "Lead us not into temptation," 9. "But deliv... Vision that environment determines who we become. We must guard the environment within our own minds; this is the only place "temptation," "error" can happen. We must "be" the environment for others.

Not visionary? Not yet Christian.

24/7 The Only Work is Spirit ("Germ" Warfare)

Will I ever remember this?!???! Definitely I am getting better at it. But goodness, yesterday's post was largely wrapped up in material stuff - not enough jobs for me to do on the construction that is going on due to lack of management and lack of priority on the job coming to completion.

This morning I received an enormous gift - an insight, a revelation. When I was a child the movie "Bridge On The River Kwai" made a tremendous impresstion on me; but as was so often the case, I didn't know why. This morning particularly the image of the inspiring, mad general played by Alec Guinness came to mind and for the very first time in my life it came to me with clarity what he did, and how the "Spirit" worked through him.

He was the Leaven. By standing to-the-extreme for respect, respectability, humanity, productivity, contribution, courage, service - Life - he infected everyone around him. He infected everyone. He infected those under his charge, he infected the enemy general and soldiers.

That is my job. Here in DC what stands as the vaguest opposition force (they speak of themselves as "Resistance") within the Peace Community (there is nothing like them in the sham of a Save Darfur "movement") is, with few exceptions so incredibly weak - the infighting, the pettiness, the lack of focus, lack of honesty, lack of determination, lack of VISION, lack of discipline, lack of perspective, lack of responsibility, lack of Spirit. My job is to infect them with the "germ" of Spirit.

"Germ" Warfare is my job.

Christian? "Germ" Warfare is your job. We must become the perfect, pure "germ" of SPIRIT, and in fulfillment of that 24/7 "WAGE" Total: Love / Brotherhood / Kindness / Compassion / Humanity. 24/7.

Wage Love, or you WILL WAGE MURDER. Selfishness IS murder. THE WORDS THAT COULD SAVE THE WORLD

"Doing much good."

Hmmm. :-) It is another one of those common sayings that is just now hitting me with its incredibly profound importance. It joins the list of "be an Angel," and the desperately important "ALL EVIDENCE TO THE CONTRARY."

Very, very soon I expect to be leaving a nice warm, congenial, food filled environment for the Park and the Darfur round the clock vigil. Why?

I'm no longer "doing much good here." No one is complaining. In fact, within the last 60 seconds, out of the blue as I was here typing I was told, "People around here are saying very good things about Jay McGinley!" Rarely have I been received so many, heart-felt expressions of appreciation for my contributions.

For most of the last 4 weeks there has been a cornucopia of opportunities to serve, for "doing much good" in - construction, homless service, blessed-community, anti-war activism and Darfur activism - sufficient in combination to position me for "doing much good."

"Doing much good" is a phrase we usually use when talking about windshield wipers or a door stop. "Those wipers aren't 'doing much good,'" for example.

But today as I wrestled with a profound feeling of dissatisfaction with how I feel inside for the last several days, what came to me is - Jay, you are not "doing much good" here anymore. What is the fault? We are all doing the best we can - an inescapable fact of human existance.

p89 "My food is to do the will of Him who gave me life, and to fulfill that which He intrusted to me," Jesus told us ("The Gospel in Brief," Leo Tolstoy).

What I am particularly happy about is for the one millionth time to be brought face to face with this fact of psychological health highlighted in Jesus' quote above. It is! "Doing much good" is my food. I just don't know how else to describe how it has felt to me for decades.

It seems I can stand an aweful lot of negative stuff, but what I just can't stand is NOT "doing much good."

Dr. King said it this way, "Life's most persistant and urgent question is what are you doing for others?"

"Man's Search for meaning is the primary motivation in his life and not a 'secondary rationalization' of instinctual drives. This meaning is unique and specific in that it must and can be fulfilled by him alone; only then does it achieve a significance which will satisfy his own will to meaning... Man, however, is able to live and even to die for the sake of his ideals and values!" Holocaust survivor, psychiatrist Dr. Victor Frankl (Man's Search For Meaning)

I'm reminded of something that occured to me about 4 years ago that captures much of what I had learned about life by then, and it still seems to capture most of the truth for me, and for all of us I suspect:

"Life is as Good as the Good that we spend it on," brother jay

"Endure how much suffering Father," Jesus asked?

I woke in a cold sweat last night. It was like this. It was like one was an older brother in Vietnam. You find this amazing, brightly colored toy and joyfully give it to your younger brother. In the middle of the night you wake up in a cold sweat realizing to your horror that the "toy" might be one of those U.S. dropped cluster bomblets (anti-personnel bombs that send out thousands of anti-flesh fragments to destroy civilians) you've heard about!

Well, in my case the "bomblet" was yesterday's posts regarding Dave Dellinger's
Revolutionary Nonviolence: QUOTATIONS FROM "DECLARATION OF WAR" 1945. Bomblet? Dave is pretty sure that the U.S. Government was the one that several times sent bombs to assassinate him through the mail. One almost took out his entire bio-family when they were all gathered at his house. It was for writings like this, and his actions in line with these writings. More particularly regarding myself, the words "sabotage" and "war" appear frequently in what I have been posting. Yes, "Waging Love," Total Love, All-Out Brotherhood are the entirety of what I mean, but this can be overlooked.

I have never in my life contemplated "sabotage." If I try to recall any reaction I have to sabotage, or any other type of destruction, it has been negative; with the exception of the "Resistance" of Germany in France, etc. during WWII. When my nightmare caused me to contemplate it further last night, when I could look past the terror that the CIA had seen these words on my sites and were any second going to burst in and take me to Guantanamo for torture (seriously); when I could look past this terror my reaction to the thought of "sabotage" was about the same as Jesus' or Gandhi's reaction. Nope. (Although I pretty much have concluded that the Catholic (and other) "Churches" are the anti-Church in Jesus' eyes, the opposition to Liberation Theology by Rome may be correct for the reason that follows.)

Attention to stuff, superiority and systems/institutions is the problem. Addiction to stuff, superiority, systems/institutions is the problem. Addiction to stuff, superiority, systems/institutions was the problem Jesus tried to save us from. His teaching on this? His approach? "I drive out evil by summoning people to fulfill the will of the Spirit, the Father, who gives life to all." p106 "The Gospel in Brief," Jesus (Tolstoy's translation.) This is the entire strategy that they and I have faith in. Everything else is to diminish our chances of success. Well, maybe the Plowshares type of action is an exception.

Back to the title of this post: "Endure how much suffering Father? The cross? Torture? Prison? Humiliation? Hatred? Crown of Thorns? Flailing? Death?..." Well, yes, I actually spent a few moments contemplating that maybe the CIA has seen my posts and is going to take me to Guantanamo. Really. So Jay, what do you do? Do you delete the offending words - "sabotage" and "war?" Etc. Etc. Well, all this took only about 10 minutes of contemplation. It has broader implications for me. The path I am on, despite my absolute and total commitment to and belief in Anti-violence / Brotherhood / Love could well lead me into the sights of the CIA. Jay, do you stop now?

Did Msgr. Romero stop? Did Jesus stop? Did Francis of Assisi stop? Did Gandhi stop? Did Dr. King stop? Did Bonhoeffer stop? Did Rachel Corrie stop?

"Endure how much suffering Father," Jesus asked? "An infinite amount," Father answered with love and compassion. "Love as I have Loved," Jesus told us.

ps: Do I really think that Homeland Security or the CIA could be about to pounce on me? Yes. Don't you?

Christian? Revolutionary.

"There was a time when the church was very powerful. It was during that period when the early Christians rejoiced when they were deemed worthy to suffer for what they believed. In those days the church was not merely a thermometer that recorded the ideas and principles of popular opinion; [The early Church] was a thermostat that transformed the mores of society. Whenever the early Christians entered a town the power structure got disturbed and immediately sought to convict them for being "disturbers of the peace" and "outside agitators." But they went on with the conviction that they were "a colony of heaven," and had to obey God rather than man. They were small in number but big in commitment. They were too God-intoxicated to be "astronomically intimidated." They brought an end to such ancient evils as infanticide and gladiatorial contest." Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

"The "way of life" that destroyed Hiroshima and Nagasaki (and is reported to have roasted alive up to a million people in Tokyo in a single night) is international, and dominates every nation of the world. But we live in the United States, so our struggle is here. With this "way of life" ("death" would be more appropriate) there can be no truce nor quarter. The prejudices of patriotism, the pressures of our friends, and the fear of unpopularity, imprisonment, or death should not hold us back any longer. It must be total war [totally nonviolent] against the infamous economic, political, and social system which is dominant in this country. The American system has been destroying human life in peace and in war, at home and abroad, for decades. Now it has produced the crowning infamy of atom bombing. Beside these brutal facts the tidbits of token democracy mean nothing. Henceforth no decent citizen owes one scrap of allegiance (if he ever did) to American law, American custom, or American institutions." David Dellinger

Not revolutionary? Not Christian.

Christian? Disturbing.

It troubles me, just a little, that my path is disturbing - to friends, bio-family, the activist community... just about anyone that knows me. I am glad that it troubles me, I will hope to avoid becoming too much more arogent, insensitive, blind, rigid, self-righteous than I already am.

But, Jesus was disturbing. I say "was" because we have so distorted who He was and what He STOOD for that He is now the opposite of disturbing. We use Jesus like we use bathroom deodorizer - so that the stink of our murderously selfish lives is not so disturbing as to make us change.

But in His days, to all but his Disciples, and even to them Jesus was hugely disturbing, wierd, crazy, disruptive, antisocial, dissident, outsider....

"I believe that for someone to be "Christian" they should resemble Christ," Teresa of Calcutta.

The people of Jesus day needed to be disturbed. A "brother" like Jesus would feel obliged to be disturbing.

The people of my day need to be disturbed, even more than Jesus day needed it. As a "brother" I feel entirely obliged to follow our Father's "call" as totally as I can, and this is disturbing.

Not disturbing? Not Christian.

You are Evidence. YOUR LIFE might convince/convict us of what?

Major insights into my behavior are occurring for me. These insights have implications for you too.

Why the Hell have I felt so compelled / drawn / obligated / required to:

* Sit in front of the White House 23 hours per day?!?!?!?!?!?
* Leave my $500,000 household to live in a car on a hunger strike for Children in Chester PA
* Withdraw so entirely from the safety and comforts of our US society?
* Etc, Etc....

This is a big part of what has been going on. Intuitively and unconsciously I have been realizing and reacting to the FACT that:

I AND YOU CANNOT ESCAPE THAT 24/7:

* I AM A WITNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SIMPLY BY HOW I LIVE MY LIFE I AM WORKING TO CONVICT / CONVINCE SOMEONE. THIS IS INESCAPABLE.

* YOU ARE A WITNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SIMPLY BY HOW YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE YOU ARE WORKING TO CONVICT / CONVINCE SOMEONE. THIS IS INESCAPABLE.

MY LIFE, the way I have lived has been a WITNESS that:

* There is not worldwide poverty.

* U.S. ACTUALLY STANDS FOR "liberty and justice for all."

* Capitalism is at worst value neutral.

* Capitalism is NOT sanctioned war on and exploitation of the weak in the U.S, around the globe.

* There was no genocide in Cambodia.

* There was no murderous neglect of children in Chester/Camden/Philadelphia/NYC....

* There was no genocide in Rwanda.

* Etc.

* Etc.

* Etc ....

NOW THAT I SEE WHAT I WAS DOING:

* I SEEM TO HAVE LOST THE ABILITY TO WITNESS TO THESE LIES.

* I CAN'T BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THESE ATROCITIES.

CAN YOU?

Dave Dellinger Quotations Blog

Dellinger is a Jesus of our day. Now deceased, this one time seminarian, life long nonviolent revolutionary hero must be studied and understood by any would-be champion of Love, Justice, Christianity, Brotherhood....

A new blog dedicated to the quotes and quotations of David Dellinger is beginning here:

David Dellinger Quotations

THE WORDS THAT COULD SAVE THE WORLD

Oh my, I've received the gift of reading some of the great books, some of the great authors of the world: Jesus, Tolstoy, Gandhi, Alfred Adler, Dr. King, Zinn, Barbara Demming, David Dellinger, Teresa of Calcutta, Pitirim Sorokin, Saul Alinsky, Ashley Montegue, Mihalyi Csikszentmihalyi, Abraham Maslow....

The words I've quoted recently from David Dellinger strike me as the words that could save the world: "Very few people chose war. They chose selfishness and the result was war. Each of us, individually and nationally, must choose: total love or total war. "

Yes, absolutely these words stand on their own. They are a miracle of Truth, of insight, a Revelation.

But these words explode in my mind, and I hope that maybe they will explode in your mind. These words of Dellinger explode into the entire thing, they explode into a statement of the entire problem!

Every EVIL STEMS FROM some form of SELFISHNESS. Here are some examples; they are arbitrary; YOU CAN THINK OF BETTER ONES:

Very few people chose global warming. They chose capitalism and the result was....

Very few people chose 18,000 kids starving PER DAY. They chose Starbucks and the result was ....

Very few people chose divorce. They chose alcohol and the result was ....

Very few people chose Darfur Genocide. They chose a safe neighborhood and comfortable house for THEIR "family" and the result was ....

Very few people chose U.S. child health being ranked 19th among the richest nations. They chose "health" clubs and games and the result was ....


Very few people chose 80% of the world in abject poverty. They chose "normal" life style and the result was....


Very few people chose 650,000 murdered in Iraq. They chose "Christian" hypocrisy and the result was ....


Very few people chose 3-6 million slaughtered in Congo. They chose high tech electronics, the Internet and video games and the result was ....

Very few people chose...

Very few people chose...

Very few people chose...

Very few people chose...

Dellinger also told us the only solution: "Each of us, individually and nationally, must choose: total love or ... "

Dorothy Day told us, "The only solution is love."

Jesus told us, "Love as I have loved... Do unto others ALL that you would have them do unto you."

Dr. King told us, "We [will] be extremists for love or extremists for hate."

"The Golden Rule is to steadfastly refuse to have what millions cannot have," Gandhi.

Ignoring these words is murder.

"SELFISHNESS IS MURDER," brother jay.

"WAGE LOVE, OR YOU WILL WAGE MURDER," brother jay.

Home

Yes dear, I did speak of feeling as though I were "home." I meant, our Father's House. The best way I can explain my feeling is to say that I have returned to my Father's house, His "Path," His "Way." Why would I, why would anyone feel that they are There?

Our Father's House is where His will is done; where He is almost always on your mind; where His is the opinion you seek over all others. His House has no walls but it is like a warm hug. His house is at no address but it is always there. In His House you know what to do, kinda, what to say, kinda, where things are, what needs to be done, why you exist, what is needed from you, where you fit... kinda. Kinda, but more than in the man-made world of Idols. In His House you are always Loved for who you are as His child, as His servant, as His Brother, as His Partner. This is the best way I can explain what I meant when I said I felt like I was "home."

Am I just being poetic? Is today Sunday and am I sitting here typing a post? The only world you or I will ever know will be that which is on the inside of our minds. There is nothing in my world AS real as what I am describing right now. This makes sense. Why? Because the Home I describe is my deepest nature, my Humane nature, the one we are all born with.

I left Home and spent most of my life in a foreign land of man-made idols - superiority, stuff, systems/institutions. It never, never, never, never felt like home. It was pleasurable, very, very pleasurable. But it never, never, never felt like Home. It never, never, never was Home.

I'm Home now, everybody's Home. I'll do my best to yell loud enough and well enough that the rest of His family returns home. I'll try to be a bright "Lamp." I'll do my best.

"Be an Angel..."

It is shocking me more and more how phrases that we causally throw about are such profound key's to Heaven / Peace / Joy.... For example, the pieces posted recently about 'We are "ALL EVIDENCE TO THE CONTRARY" are extraordinarily meaningful to me.

My mom used to say to folks when she wanted something, "Be an angel. Will you please...."

Well, in the context of stuff I see in my life now that phrase just hit me like a ton of bricks.

Isn't that exactly what we are to do - "Be an angel?" Duh. Look at what Jesus told us: "Thy will be done... as it is in heaven." Jesus is telling us to do "like an Angel" would. Exactly.

"Be an Angel." Pray for me that I "be an Angel." I'll try. :-) No kidding.

Dear Family, heads up!

Hi!

Two "heads ups:"

1. I'll be really surprised if next time you see me I don't have a Cross tattooed on my forehead. [I always wondered what that massive expanse was for! :-) ] There are few nights when I don't dream about this. My life has been so totally possessed by Jesus, I am so possessed by the desire to be His Follower / Disciple / Friend / Brother / Agent. I am always trying to "be" His message; to do the work He was doing; to be His Partner. I just think the Cross makes sense. I think it would help me "be" his message to my brothers and sisters. It would help us stay on point. We'll see. Something like this maybe.

2. Prison. My guess is that I will spend a lot of time in Prison over the course of the rest of my life. Is that my goal? Of course not. But I am becoming so deeply about a different way of being together - Jesus way - One Family - that the current "way," the current system of "war" [capitalism is sanctioned all-0ut-war of a vile sort] / divorce-one-from-another / greed / separation... will find me so in the way, such an irritation, they will not be able to resist putting me in prison a lot. I wonder if I will be killed there; will suffer violence there from the guards, from the inmates. Good chance I think. No matter. It is all part of the "mop-up" operations that need to be done by thousands and millions of us if our Father's Kingdom is to come.

Love, your joyful brother, jay

No Suffering, NO BIRTH

Birthing something new ALWAYS includes suffering.

NO SUFFERING, NO IMPROVEMENT.

NO SUFFERING, NO HOPE.

NO SUFFERING, LIFE COMES TO AN END.

Suffering is not the intent. Life is the intent. Suffering ALWAYS attends life.

No suffering... DEATH.

"Each ... must choose ... total love or total war."

"Very few people chose war. They chose selfishness and the result was war. Each of us, individually and nationally, must choose: total love or total war. " David Dellinger

Dear Family,

Today I went with a group of 20 or so, mostly Marylanders, to Senator Barbara Mikulski's office as part of the Occupation Project to end the atrocities in Iraq by bringing home the troops. I went not intending to risk arrest but my resolve slipped away as the action got underway. :-)

As it turns out, none of us were arrested during the hour and a half that we peacefully and respectfully occupied her outer office, largely reading the names of people from Iraq and the US that have been killed by your war, and mine. (Our silence is complicity. OUR SILENCE KILLS PEOPLE. We are "ALL EVIDENCE TO THE CONTRARY.") Upon leaving I gave my commendations to the Senator and her staff for the civility they showed us. Their behavior was more than a tactic I think. Susan from the Jonah house during our preparation meeting spoke very, very highly of the love and support that Jonah House has received from the Senator over the years - support from the Senator for Jonah House and the members that have gone to prison so often Waging Peace.

While with these folks I had time to talk with Mary a with-it, late 60ish woman, well to do I'd guess. She has been arrested 10 times or so for anti-war actions and mentioned in a pensive sort of way that maybe she was getting tired of it, and "is it doing any good?" She was neither discouraged nor worn out. Pensive. Thoughtful. Tired. I told her that when I think of such things I realize that if I knew for certain that my actions would make no difference in the world, I would continue to do what I do. "Yes, we must do what is right," she instantly and cheerfully agreed.

Later, while napping today I thought further about this. :-) Actually, I know that my breathing every few seconds or so really will make no difference - I'm going to die some day. But I want to breathe just the same.

In fact, as I have realized, and realize all the more clearly in the light of David Dellinger's wisdom above, Life, to Live IS to be WAGING "TOTAL LOVE." If we are not WAGING "total love," CLINICALLY we are not fully aLive. I will stake my knowledge of this subject against anyone living or dead in the field of psychology, philosophy, religion, biology.... Further, I challenge anyone, any of you to think about this. I feel certain you will see in your heart that this is true.

I choose "total love" because I choose Life. I choose "total love" because it might spread "total love" and therefore total Life to those I love - you, and everyone else.

This is the ultimate selfish choice. This is the ultimate unselfish choice.

Love forever, your brother, jay

ps: In talking with Mary she also said when only three of us had shown up (we were early), "If it is just a few of us will it make any difference?" Also, "The Senator is only one person!" This stimulated a reply from me that I found quite helpful. I said, "If what we are trying to do is analogous to spreading a virus, then yes, even if we are few and she is just one, who knows, if we can infect her maybe she can carry it to millions."

"Who knows?"

pps: More on this from Dr. King and his miraculous Letter from Birmingham Jail (1963)

"Was not Jesus an extremist for love -- "Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, pray for them that despitefully use you." Was not Amos an extremist for justice -- "Let justice roll down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream." Was not Paul an extremist for the gospel of Jesus Christ -- "I bear in my body the marks of the Lord Jesus." Was not Martin Luther an extremist -- "Here I stand; I can do none other so help me God." Was not John Bunyan an extremist -- "I will stay in jail to the end of my days before I make a butchery of my conscience." Was not Abraham Lincoln an extremist -- "This nation cannot survive half slave and half free." Was not Thomas Jefferson an extremist -- "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal." So the question is not whether we will be extremist but what kind of extremist will we be. Will we be extremists for hate or will we be extremists for love? Will we be extremists for the preservation of injustice--or will we be extremists for the cause of justice? In that dramatic scene on Calvary's hill, three men were crucified. We must not forget that all three were crucified for the same crime--the crime of extremism. Two were extremists for immorality, and thusly fell below their environment. The other, Jesus Christ, was an extremist for love, truth and goodness, and thereby rose above his environment.

"There was a time when the church was very powerful. It was during that period when the early Christians rejoiced when they were deemed worthy to suffer for what they believed. In those days the church was not merely a thermometer that recorded the ideas and principles of popular opinion; it was a thermostat that transformed the mores of society. Whenever the early Christians entered a town the power structure got disturbed and immediately sought to convict them for being "disturbers of the peace" and "outside agitators." But they went on with the conviction that they were "a colony of heaven," and had to obey God rather than man. They were small in number but big in commitment. They were too God-intoxicated to be "astronomically intimidated." They brought an end to such ancient evils as infanticide and gladiatorial contest."

Unsung Evangelical Heroes

Unsung Evangelical Heroes

By Geoff Tunnicliffe
Christian Post Contributor
Tue, Feb. 13 2007 06:47 PM ET

This is less than a brilliant article, but it is evidence of what Dellinger calls "the invisible Church." Dr. King, in a moment of shock and despair in seeing what he then called the Church, "a social club with a thin veneer of religiosity," talked further about needing to turn to the "ecclesia, the Church within the Church."

Funny, with the path I've turned onto fully in these recent months I catch rather frequent glimpses of that "hidden Church," by whatever name. Ahhhhh.

America is Spiritually on its Death Bed

"Christian" Nation? Ha! God save us from such "Christians."

Full Article: Children left in the shadows
Full UN REPORT: An Overview of Child-Wellbeing in Rich Countries

...The United Nations report, published today, reveals that the richest countries in the world are conversely some of the poorest when it comes to their treatment of children.

Joining the UK with the worst child welfare record is the US, the world's only superpower and considered to be the beating heart of the world's economy.

Both Britain and the US found themselves in the bottom third of the rankings for five of six areas of child welfare.

Many social studies experts say the only way to reverse the trend is to solve the root of the problem - public attitudes in Britain to children. Some say the modern way of life leaves little time for children, who are often seen in the rat-race culture as a pest.

"You have to sacrifice," Connie cheerfully chirped.

I don't know how old Connie is but "spring chicken" would not describe her body which she has punished with 25 years of day and night service to humanity in front of the White House. I am coming to the realization she may be a living Saint.

It is snowing today. As I was sitting in the living room blogging, Connie came in to suit up for her day in front of the White House. Pete, the new Washington Peace Center manager saw her sandals and said, "Connie, you need warm boots!" "These sandals are the only thing that fit my feet," she said. Her feet have paid a huge price. Currently only open sandals fit her due to painful deformations. "Wear warm socks at least," Pete pleaded. "They don't fit either," she said CHEERFULLY.

"You have to sacrifice," she happily and matter-of-factly chirped.

Someone should get her some warm boots that fit her. WARM BOOTS, for God's sake. Could you get ones that fit her? Would she take them if you did? G d knows.

"You have to sacrifice"... to Live, Connie teaches and Jesus taught. Yes, that is correct.

THE BOOK THAT COULD SAVE THE WORLD - Tolstoy's "Gospel in Brief"

The writing of the "Gospel in Brief" Saved Tolstoy's life Spiritually (and that of countless others including Gandhi and Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.) and Literally in the case of Tolstoy himself. On the verge of suicide after achieving all the world's wealth and fame, and fiercely distrusting the "Church" teachings, he did his own translation of the original Greek texts of the bible - "The Gospel in Brief."

Tolstoy's "The Gospel in Brief" may be the single book that could save the world. It IS the Gospel, the Good news of G D.

Tolstoy's "The Gospel in Brief" created Gandhi by spawning Tolstoy's "The Kingdom of God is Within You," Gandhi's bible and that of his comrades from his Barrister days onward into South Africa and then India.

This book was a cause of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. by spawning "The Law of Love and the Law of Violence," a book that mightily influenced Dr. King when a young man at Crozier Seminary in Chester PA.

This is Jesus as never so clearly seen. This is the Savior.

David Dellinger, a Saint in our Time

More than Dr. ML King except in his last few years, more than Gandhi, more than Teresa of Calcutta... David Dellinger is the most relevant Saint of our age, our greatest model, I think. His autobiography is one of the three most important books I have ever read: "From Yale to Jail." #1 for me is "The Gospel in Brief," Tolstoy; and #2. "The People's History of the United States," Howard Zinn.

Quotes:

"Very few people chose war. They chose selfishness and the result was war. Each of us, individually and nationally, must choose: total love or total war. "

"Our nonviolent activism would be more positive if we stressed reaching out with love for our fellow human beings--love not only for the victims, but also for those who defend the existing system, including those who think they benefit from it, even toward the police and other security forces. Love for those who defend the system, including the police who harass and arrest us? Is that unrealistic? Let me testify that this kind of love makes a difference. In 1987, twenty of us invaded the U.S. Capitol Rotunda, protesting against U.S. sponsorship of the terrorist Nicaraguan Contras. When we were arrested and taken downstairs to be fingerprinted, an officer recognized me and introduced me to the other officers. He said, "This is Dave Dellinger, who I want you to meet because his actions are based on love for everyone, including us." I also recognized him: The second time he had arrested me he had grabbed the arm of another officer, who was about to hit me on the head with a club, and said, "Stop. This is a good guy who doesn't need to be hit like that." Love for every human being is necessary for our individual growth and fulfillment. Those who practice this love benefit spiritually as they help others. While there are still badly needed changes in our anti-democratic society, I see positive signs that acting with love for other people and their needs does succeed."

"I see the illness when people take pleasure in beating out their fellow humans in the competitive pursuite of private success that produces winners and losers, victors and victims. So it is not just the suffering of the victims that upsets and moves me, but also the illness of the victors."

"There is nothing more fulfilling than to work in a Beloved Community of people who are laboring to cure that illness [striving for domination/exploitation], in ourselves and in the society, and do not demand a sterile conformity of ideology and action among those who share that goal. In such a community, the members are working, each in her or his own way, to create the "proper capability" of living a sisters and brothers in a world in which everyone will be equal - a world in which people are really born equal and will never cease to be treated as equal, whatever their individual diversities and failings; a world that will not make a mockery of the U.S. claims that we live "with liberty and justice for all."

"For a long time, the demonstrations played a crucial role, not just in showing the public, the traditional peace organizations, the government - and the Mobe (Mobilization) - how widespread and serious the oppositon was but also in giving heart to the demonstrators... When [the citizens] became so upset over teh war that they finally set aside this conditioning [that marching was making a spectacle of oneself] and marched in their first demonstration, it frequently led to a psychological breakthrough, one that I observed ina number of people... The main effect of participating was energizing and empowering. They went back to their local communities ready to play a more confident and active role... After a while, though, the demostrations tended less and less to work that way. Periodic demnstrations bagan to take on a life of their own as the be-all and end-all of the movement. The line got bluurred between participating to end the war and participating in order to enjoy the exhilirating experience of experessing one's antiwar views in solidarity with thousands of like-minded people. There were indications that some people were going to a demonstration much as some people go to a church, synagogue or meditation center. For them, the marches and rallies had become periodic self-satisfying rituals that weren't consistent enough in leading to follow-up activities elsewhere. Instead of helping people to gain new insights and energy to go home and express them in new relationships and practices, they [demonstrations] were becoming almost a substitute for doing so."

Dear Family, Wish you were here!

Dear Bev, Cap, Chris, Dave, Emily, Gerry, Jeremy, Laura, Marcia, Mary Rachel, Mohamed, Rosemary, Steve, Sue, et al...,

I don't have any stamps and remain without reliable email access. I've wanted to write you but I have no means (thank God! "The Golden Rule is to steadfastly refuse to have what millions cannot have," Gandhi, the only means of avoiding divorce from our brothers.)

But, I have been writing you and will continue to do so when I have access to the blogs. You can see them all by clicking my complete profile at left. Each post is with you in mind.

I love you and will always. You are my family and always will be in my heart.

Wish you were here! Why? Man, this is Living! No kidding! Imagine the most wonderful vacation you can. [These are just some of the ones I've taken: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I...]This is better! Perfect? No. There are still distractions and limitations from making the greatest possible contribution to the health of our death-bed human body. But I am freer of obstacles than ever before!

For the first several weeks of January it was 23hrs per day in front of the White House. Was falsely arrested for "camping" (I was not) and that court date is mid March. I face weeks or months in prison if convicted. No matter. However I can best serve. Time will tell.
Thrown in were two 3 day stints with Catholic Workers, risking arrest 3 times and getting arrested twice - one at the Pentagon exposing the workers to the faces of Iraq children, and one at the Federal Court House in DC standing in for Abdel Galib Amed Hakim, 27 of Ta'iz Yemen who has been kept at Guantanimo in illegal detention by the US Goverment that I have been funding. That court date is mid April.

Since Jan 19th, the day of my Pentagon court date (dismissed without prejudice) I have been contributing to two of today's living saints, Thomas and Connie and Ellen. They are renovating the basement of their base of operations so the Washington Peace Center can operate there, and so that there is in-floor heating for the main floor. By donating my time to the construction I thought I might contribute to their Spirit, and I think I have done so. The project has continued long past what I anticipated. Now my guess is that by week's end I will take my leave and return to the Darfur Vigil at the White House. Here I have had unexpected access to the internet and have created this blog - my most important ever. [and ESPECIALLY THIS POST >>>CLICK HERE!!!!]. I pray it is of help to you. It can be your transportation, in part, to this wonderful spot I've found!

Life does not get much better than this. Well, ok, it does. When one learns much more than I have about courage, giving, compassion, humanity... than I have, yes, it IS better. But I'm learning and making a way. The way? :-)

There is a whole world of room here if you ever know anyone that wants to come and visit or stay for a while, or even move in!

I miss you all dearly, but only because I love you so.

Wishing you great Joy and loving you forever, brother jay

Man must discover fire for the second time.

“The day will come when after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And on that day for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire."
This is a quote of Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

The notion of "fire" as an element of our Christian quest haunts me, in a very positive way. It will not leave me.

The Christian (always when I say this I mean in Jesus' eyes) may best understand her/himself as a flame, a Sacred bit of fire.
The Christian is charged with:
* Maintaining the flame - protecting it at the cost of one's life if necessary.
* Growing the flame as though the fate of the entire planet depends upon it, which it does.
* Spreading the flame to the soul of others with every bit of speed possible, at every conceivable opportunity, spending every second on this task as the only hope for humankind, which it is.

Spirit is Fire is Spirit is Fire....

Oh, there is much work to be done. Let's get on with it.

Our beloved Wiseguy left his body today

He was diagnosed yesterday with cancer. It was estimated he had one or two weeks to live.

He is a miraculous (sacred?) dog. Wiseguy was not in any pain, but he knew he was sick; for about a week now. A massive tumor in the stomach. You could almost literally see it grow in size.

I'm so sad. I'm so sad for Thomas; and Connie; and Ellen.

I've never seen such a one-person, totally committed and dedicated animal. Wiseguy is totally devoted to Thomas. He mourns when Thomas is out of his sight. Mourns! At the park when it is cold, and Thomas naps, Wiseguy lays down close to keep Thomas warm. For hours.

The tears. The sadness.

We've been so blessed by Wiseguy.

We all tried to make his last days with us a Joy.

Wiseguy made his exit while in Thomas's sleeping arms today. It was Divine. Wiseguy would follow Thomas EVERYWERE/ANYWHERE. But when Thomas invited him upstairs at about noon to nap with him, Wiseguy couldn't make it past the 3rd step. None of us could imagine he would go so quickly. So Thomas returned with him to the livingroom floor and took his nap with his arm wrapped around Wiseguy. I could see that Wiseguy didn't sleep. But he was completely at peace in his brother's arms, sharing with his partner Thomas some of the love he had so lavished on him every day. Seeing that everything was as it should be, and that there was no more for him to do to help us, Wiseguy quietly made his exit.

There is much for us to learn from Wiseguy and others of his higher species. They are higher than humans because they never learned not to care about the "other." They never learned to care more about themselves than about the other. They never suffered the "Fall." If we want to we can learn from them how to Love, how to Live.

Wiseguy exited his body but he can't exit this world. He has entered too many of our hearts/spirits/souls for that to happen. So actually, Wiseguy continues at his post showing us how to Live, how to Love. May we learn from Wiseguy. May we follow his lead. In time.

Thank you Wiseguy. Thank you.

Thank you. It has been an honor to know you.

Christian? Soldier. YOU take away the sins of the world.

Mop-up operations. Not in the usual military sense. But I can't escape the aptness of the term - MOP-UP OPERATIONS.

Jesus took away the sins of the world. "Love as I have loved." CHRISTIANS are to take away the sins of the world. We are to mop-up the sins with our bodies. Isn't that what Jesus did? He used his body to make visible, attract and absorb the sins of the world.

"The real food for the Spirit is the Flesh," said Jesus (Tolstoy translation of the Gospel.)

Jesus did it to spare us? Bull shit. Jesus MODELED it for us - HE SHOWED US WHAT TO DO, HOW TO LIVE AND LOVE IN A WORLD OF SUFFERING.
Christian? Soldier. YOU take away the sins of the world.

:-)

see also John Koffee in The Green Mile; Steve Beko in Cry Freedom....

Christian? Leader.

If you are Christian (in Jesus eyes) then you are a leader, by definition, by function. Christian and Leader are inseparable.

You cannot be Christian (in Jesus eyes) and NOT be a leader - actually and consciously. Like everything that matters - this is not a "rule," it is how things work.

"Give us [all] this day our daily bread." This is an exhortation from Jesus to each of us to leadership. The "daily bread" is our clear understanding, individually, today, this instant of what our Father's will is for each of us individually. "Give us [all] this day..." is a clear exhortation to each individual Christian to lead "us all" (her/his brothers) to see our daily bread. Gandhi - "you must be the change you wish to see."

Tolstoy's translation of Jesus (Gospel in Brief), "...the fulfillment of the Father's will depends on each man's effort and striving to make people see that life is given, not for oneself personally, but for the fulfillment of the Father's will, which alone saves from death and gives life." Leadership. Leadership is how we make people see.

For my entire adult life I have felt called to leadership. I'm just now, with today's insight, with this post, I am understanding why this call has been so deep and so urgent for me, for all these decades.

No, unfortunately the models that abound in this world of "leader" are absolutely not what Jesus calls us to. Francis of Asisi said, "We must preach the Gospel all day long, and occasionally use words to do so." This kind of leadership. BE Good. DO Good. THAT is the kind of Leadership Jesus calls for. Life service, not Lip service. "They will know you by how you love one another." "Do unto others ALL that you would have them do unto you." Living these commandments is the leadership, the ONLY leadership.

Wow. We've got a lot of work to do.

If you are not being crucified...

... by the world, you are not following Jesus.

Yes, the point is NOT to go seek crucifixion. No! It doesn't work like that!

But, I can't think of any exceptions in my life - if I am on or near the path I am being crucified:
* Isolation
* Disdain
* Solitude
* Hunger
* Poverty
* Imprisonment
* divorce by/separation from people I love and need
* Derision
* Slander
* etc
* etc
* etc

Did Jesus exist?

Did Jesus exist? Does it matter? Does it matter if he is a fiction? Does it matter if he lived? Does it matter if he was the son of God? Does it matter if there is a God in fact? WHAT MATTERS IS WHAT IS LEFT US DIRECTLY AS HIS. What matters is if we use it.

Did Einstein exist? Does it matter? Does it matter if he is a fiction? Does it matter if he lived? Does it matter if he was the son of God? Does it matter if there is a God in fact? WHAT MATTERS IS WHAT IS LEFT US DIRECTLY AS HIS.

Did Newton exist? Does it matter? Does it matter if he is a fiction? Does it matter if he lived? Does it matter if he was the son of God? Does it matter if there is a God in fact? WHAT MATTERS IS WHAT IS LEFT US DIRECTLY AS HIS.

Did Lister exist? Does it matter? Does it matter if he is a fiction? Does it matter if he lived? Does it matter if he was the son of God? Does it matter if there is a God in fact? WHAT MATTERS IS WHAT IS LEFT US DIRECTLY AS HIS.

Did Columbus exist? Does it matter? Does it matter if he is a fiction? Does it matter if he lived? Does it matter if he was the son of God? Does it matter if there is a God in fact? WHAT MATTERS IS WHAT IS LEFT US DIRECTLY AS HIS.