[Reply to a note from a dear friend, an elementary school teacher.]
Hi! What a nice note. It is always a ray of sunshine when I hear
from you.
Oh, how I adored sledding as a kid. Did u? One of the many times I'm sure
my folks hoped I'd kill myself, I should have, the insane mtns I went down.
I'm sure your kids will enjoy it mightily.
There is a chance Pr. O is just a corporate shill from the git go. I may
never know. My guess is we couldn't have a greater ally, cept oursevles,
and that's out of the question. I think he is calculating everything he does
to win the house and keep the senate in 2014. Without that there are
no bold strokes he can take, and only bold strokes will save earth and
democracy now. But it still comes back to the people, even then he'd need
us unviolently risking life and limb, and we've all got our infinite excuses.
So, I'll probably never know about him.
My depression is extremely light, recently; amazing, given my view
of the impending, virtually certain Cataclysms - Ecocide, Fascism. There
are fleeting moments when it almost feels like a relief to be free of the
desperate fight to avert them; but mostly the gloom, the other horror
lingers. And Life is fighting for all you are worth for the least of these,
and it is more difficult for me to see how to do that, but I'm making progress -
I'll encourage those with the inkling, to avoid the cruelty of bringing
babies onto a sinking Titanic, and I'll do what I can to learn of, and shepherd
the young, well, anyone, toward off-Empire living - there are pioneers
of this, I'll learn of them, their ways, their whereabouts... and try and
help others in that direction.
My study of the mainstream scholarship is that this is near exactly where
the man Jesus found himself, odd, but True. So, I'm slogging through some
immensely scholarly works on the Historical Jesus by Dominic Crossan -
really arduous, but oddly, in the midst of all my crisis, I think a deep understanding
of the small sliver of History we have on him will be useful to me before
I move on per the above.
The last chemo was Monday. I've slept as much as 21 hours per day,
tapering down to 14 hpd today. The next 4 or 5 day will be tough as I
struggle to find where my new sleep patterns are - rest is the most important
thing to my work - and for months now, my body seems to refuse to
stay in deep sleep for more than moments. I may accept a sleep study
at Georgetown, that has been offered, if once I feel clear of chemo effects,
I still can't stabilize things.
The symptoms that had me worried about parkinson's disease have
lessened with the vita B12 shots I've been getting, but they still remain.
Started several months of major dental work, a decade overdue,
last week.
At some point they'll need to put me under, I believe, to remove my
port - so it ain't over till it's over.
In this huge building that has been my home these last 6 months or so
is an area called 1 south - 150 or so near all african american men over
50, and I'd be eligible to go there - no fee, one meal per day, fairly unrestricted
access tho there is a 2am be in by, and few days away if any without losing
your bed. In this huge area are mostly bunk beds in sections, some with
more bed bugs than others, and then an area for the 'needier' that is
single beds, hospital beds I think, cleaner, quieter. A 'friend,' fellow my
age, lives there, the ADA section, he is no needier physically than I, so there
is some leeway. I think it is ADA for me, or back on the streets 7/24. I'm
ok with either, but I'll give 1 South, however it is offered to me, a try, I expect.
I'll try my best to angle for the ADA section, but I don't hold out much hope.
I suspect I'll access Soc Sec in the next month or so and, if I do, start
banking all but coffee money (2-3 times a week to 'thank' this awesome
FH Bakery folks that are such a Godsend to me) and that Wifi- no sense
you picking that up if I'm getting SS. I'll let you know.
Well, that's all for now.
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1.31.2014
A walipini is a greenhouse that is built into the ground to take advantage of the more stable temperatures and thermal mass of the earth.
Carolyn Scott shared EARTH-The Operators' Manual's photo.
a walipini solution! Build your own!
A
walipini is a greenhouse that is built into the ground to take
advantage of the more stable temperatures and thermal mass of the earth.
Ranging from simple to elaborate, these
structures allow you to grow all year long, in almost any climate on
earth. Build your own, and take control of your food future!
http://tinyurl.com/av8ljao
GMOs are wiping out Monarch butterflies - Experts warn their famous migration might disappear! Well, Monarch Butterfly Numbers Have Officially Hit A Record Low. huffingtonpost.com
GMOs are wiping out Monarch butterflies - Experts warn their famous migration might disappear!
Well, Monarch Butterfly Numbers Have Officially Hit A Record Low
huffingtonpost.com
MEXICO
CITY (AP) — The number of Monarch butterflies wintering in Mexico
plunged this year to its lowest level since studies began in 1993,
leading experts to announce Wednesday that the insects' annual migration
from the United States and Canada is in danger of disappearing. A
report released by
Truthout: Actually Existing Capitalism: Wrecking Societies for the Benefit of Big Capital and the Super-Rich
Doug Grandt shared Occupy Seattle's photo.
Actually Existing Capitalism: Wrecking Societies for the Benefit of Big Capital and the Super-Rich
"Are all of the socioeconomic issues confronting Europe and the
United States - recession or stagnant growth, skyrocketing
unemployment, lowered prospects for new job creation, a demand shortage,
a widening gap between the haves and have-nots, social malaise - merely
consequences of the financial crisis of 2007-08?
A strong case can be made that what we have been witnessing since then
is not simply a severe financial crisis centered in the developed world
but the fact that today's capitalism is simply incapable of functioning
in an economic way conducive to maintaining sustainable and balanced
growth."
"In sum, actually existing capitalism has given up any pretext of being a
"socially responsible" socioeconomic system and caters almost solely to
the needs and interests of the rich and powerful by enforcing policies
that are detrimental to the rest of society. Actually existing
capitalism is a system that favors passionately and defends ruthlessly
the interests of the 1% over those of the rest of society. This explains
why the rich, big corporations and big banks have been doing so well at
a time when the ranks of the unemployed keep growing and a sizable
percentage of the working population struggles to merely survive. This
is not then so much a capitalist crisis as an orchestrated putsch on the
part of the most powerful faction of capital attempting to roll back
the course of history to the detriment of the working populations.
In this context, the economic and social crisis facing advanced
capitalist societies today is manufactured by the pursuit of a ruthless
class struggle by the economic elites and the national governments they
control against labor for the purpose of transferring wealth from the
poor and the working class to the rich, making the rich even richer and
the poor poorer."
http://truth-out.org/opinion/item/20558-actually-existing-capitalism-wrecking-societies-for-the-benefit-of-big-capital-and-the-super-rich
~Please Share~
BB
1.30.2014
There is so much that we can do. Amish Farm Leads The Way to Local Food Security in Indiana futuregrowing.wordpress.com When you hear about a farm that supplies all-natural, sustainable produce, using 90% less water and 90% less land, one that utilizes the most advanced vertical aeroponic technology on earth, you su...
There is so much that we can do.
1.28.2014
Heartland couple shares secrets to sustainable living. www.heartlandconnection.com
www.heartlandconnection.com
Heartland couple shares secrets to sustainable living. www.heartlandconnection.com
www.heartlandconnection.com
Heartland couple shares secrets to sustainable living. www.heartlandconnection.com
www.heartlandconnection.com
Moneyless man, Mark Boyle, is going to open a free pub, the Happy Pig. It's a part of a community project to bring the gift economy to Ireland and open a permaculture demonstration and training site.
Moneyless
man, Mark Boyle, is going to open a free pub, the Happy Pig. It's a
part of a community project to bring the gift economy to Ireland and
open a permaculture demonstration and training site.
http://www.permaculture.co.uk/news/2801144280/worlds-first-moneyless-pub
http://www.permaculture.co.uk/news/2801144280/worlds-first-moneyless-pub
In 2012, there were 3,527 monthly weather records broken for heat, rain, and snow in the US - even more than the unprecedented 3200+ records broken in 2011.
In
2012, there were 3,527 monthly weather records broken for heat, rain,
and snow in the US - even more than the unprecedented 3200+ records
broken in 2011.
Now THAT's extreme weather. via NRDC.
Now THAT's extreme weather. via NRDC.
Canada's Yukon Territory announced Tuesday that it has opened one of the largest unbroken wilderness areas in North America to mining and mineral exploration.
CANADA
- In recent years a new gold rush has brought a spike in population and
prosperity to towns like Whitehorse and Dawson. But the rush to exploit
the Yukon's minerals—which also include zinc, copper, iron, and
uranium—has unearthed growing tensions between government and mining
interests on the one hand, and conservation and indigenous First Nations
interests on the other
Opposition Builds As Property Rights Are Endangered in Texas Frackquakes: Public Opposition Builds As Property Rights Are Endangered in Texas | EcoWatch
US - FRACKQUAKES: Public Opposition Builds As Property Rights Are Endangered in Texas
Frackquakes: Public Opposition Builds As Property Rights Are Endangered in Texas | EcoWatch
ecowatch.com
By
Sharon Wilson and Alan SeptoffThe earthquakes you may have heard
about—the 30 tremblers that have struck north central Texas since Nov. 1
and have damaged many homes. The quakes are most likely being caused by
Maules Creek mine halted as protesters chain themselves to bulldozers. www.theguardian.com
AUSTRALIA
- Whitehaven Coal's construction work stopped by courageous people on
the frontline protecting Leard State Forest from open-cut coal mining
How one Nebraska farmer killed Keystone. www2.macleans.ca. The untold story of the Keystone pipeline war
Here's
that Maclean's magazine cover story about the Keystone XL fight in
Nebraska that features rancher Randy "Stand With Randy" Thompson
(pictured below getting arrested at the White House while protesting
KXL).
Again, folks, neither we nor Randy approve or had any input on the unfortunate, reductive headline for this story. Our heartfelt gratitude goes out to everyone working to spread the #NoKXL message!
Again, folks, neither we nor Randy approve or had any input on the unfortunate, reductive headline for this story. Our heartfelt gratitude goes out to everyone working to spread the #NoKXL message!
Gallup poll: Obama unpopular in states with key 2014 Senate contests. Please understand: NATIONAL Polls DON'T MATTER. All that matters is the contested Senate and House races!!! Please, stop getting distracted with all the 'positive' distractions the Left keeps spewing. ALL THAT MATTERS IS KEEPING THE SENATE AND TAKING THE HOUSE - AND THE LEFT IS LOSING THAT BATTLE. NOTHING ELSE MATTERS. STOP GETTING DISTRACTED, PLEASE.
Start Loving
29 seconds ago via LA Times
Please
understand: NATIONAL Polls DON'T MATTER. All that matters is the
contested Senate and House races!!! Please, stop getting distracted with
all the 'positive' distractions the Left keeps spewing. ALL THAT
MATTERS IS KEEPING THE SENATE AND TAKING THE HOUSE - AND THE LEFT IS
LOSING THAT BATTLE. NOTHING ELSE MATTERS. STOP GETTING DISTRACTED,
PLEASE.
Gallup poll: Obama unpopular in states with key 2014 Senate contests
A
suggested Monday why Republicans running in some of the most contested
U.S. Senate races this year will be campaigning fiercely against
President Obama, even as their Democratic counterparts strive to make
the races about
1.27.2014
By implementing organic gardening, rainwater harvesting and home solar panels, an engineer in Austin, Texas, practices sustainable living in his daily life.
By
implementing organic gardening, rainwater harvesting and home solar
panels, an engineer in Austin, Texas, practices sustainable living in
his daily life.
The Greenhorns is a documentary film focusing on the growing movement of young people going back to the land. They are a passionate group dedicated to l...
SMALL FARMS - 'The Greenhorns' documentary takes a look at young people going back to the land
I've been near 'dying' to tell you this: Marliese Roth shared a link. Naomi Klein: How science is telling us all to revolt newstatesman.com Is our relentless quest for economic growth killing the planet? Climate scientists have seen the data – and they are coming to some incendiary conclusions.
Marliese Roth shared a link.
2 min vid. Time lapse of fossil fuel spills the last 35 years, US. HORRIFYING.
this goes right along with the natural gas release from a 44inch pipe near Victoria, Tx. Lots more to come.
Loving, here. I think there is a strategic place for suicide, in the near future, for some (detail)
[Note to my JW friend, who kindly replied to my earlier post on my brief contemplation of suicide for myself.]
Brother Joe,
Kind of you to share : Why Go On?—Three Reasons to Keep Living (article in the current JW magazine)
http://www.jw.org/en/publications/magazines/g201404/
Thank you.
I don't think suicide is necessarily a problem. In fact, I think it is something,
a strategy, that we need to understand, in this 'end times' world, as having
a legitimate place - I think it does. I remember a NYTimes story years ago
during the Darfur Genocide we all did nothing to stop - the murders were, typically,
in a town they were exterminating - they had built a big fire and were throwing
the young boys in, alive, to die. The girls they were brutally gang-raping,
and then murdering...
two sisters sat on the edge of the deep well in town; as the rapists approached
them, they held each other's hands; leaned back, fell into the well, and were
killed - suicide.
I am NOT disparaging the JW article, at all! I'm only saying that there is a place,
too, for suicide in this Satanic, end-times new world. And there are times it should NOT
be done - a mistake.
The creator has shown me a way to try and help others - helping them find
a way off-empire, to the fringes, to live like a holocaust rescuer; and to advocate
that folks stop having babies. This Mission, Call, is already pulling me away from the extreme
personal pain, depression, thoughts of suicide, tho personally, I'm so ready
to leave.
But, not too many years from now when
the fascists come for me, to torture, or lock me away in some hole, to beat
me to death as a homeless person and eyesore, will I seek suicide as an
alternative? I think so. I hope so. Something I need to learn about, and think
thru.
Earth cannot sustain 10 billion people, where we are headed. In fact, with the
growing middle classes around the world, it can't sustain 5 billion, and we are
currently at 7.5 billion or so. That downsizing will be torture, war, starvation,
murder, Fascist fostered genocide.... - unrelenting. There is a place for suicide in that.
Loving u both
Brother Joe,
Kind of you to share : Why Go On?—Three Reasons to Keep Living (article in the current JW magazine)
http://www.jw.org/en/publications/magazines/g201404/
Thank you.
I don't think suicide is necessarily a problem. In fact, I think it is something,
a strategy, that we need to understand, in this 'end times' world, as having
a legitimate place - I think it does. I remember a NYTimes story years ago
during the Darfur Genocide we all did nothing to stop - the murders were, typically,
in a town they were exterminating - they had built a big fire and were throwing
the young boys in, alive, to die. The girls they were brutally gang-raping,
and then murdering...
two sisters sat on the edge of the deep well in town; as the rapists approached
them, they held each other's hands; leaned back, fell into the well, and were
killed - suicide.
I am NOT disparaging the JW article, at all! I'm only saying that there is a place,
too, for suicide in this Satanic, end-times new world. And there are times it should NOT
be done - a mistake.
The creator has shown me a way to try and help others - helping them find
a way off-empire, to the fringes, to live like a holocaust rescuer; and to advocate
that folks stop having babies. This Mission, Call, is already pulling me away from the extreme
personal pain, depression, thoughts of suicide, tho personally, I'm so ready
to leave.
But, not too many years from now when
the fascists come for me, to torture, or lock me away in some hole, to beat
me to death as a homeless person and eyesore, will I seek suicide as an
alternative? I think so. I hope so. Something I need to learn about, and think
thru.
Earth cannot sustain 10 billion people, where we are headed. In fact, with the
growing middle classes around the world, it can't sustain 5 billion, and we are
currently at 7.5 billion or so. That downsizing will be torture, war, starvation,
murder, Fascist fostered genocide.... - unrelenting. There is a place for suicide in that.
Washington Post: Church should be different from society. Instead, it plays by the same rules: get mine, be first, be right, punish the weak, exclude the different, reward the wealthy.
Church
should be different from society. Instead, it plays by the same rules:
get mine, be first, be right, punish the weak, exclude the different,
reward the wealthy.
1.26.2014
detail: ROBERT REICH: The TPP is NAFTA on steroids. Make a ruckus.
STOP
THE TPP. Congress is poised to fast-track the Trans-Pacific Partnership
trade deal (that is, move it through both houses without opportunity
for amendment). This massive trade pact
with 11 Asian and Latin American nations, whose total population is
almost 800 million and comprise 40 percent of the world’s GDP, is a high
priority for the U.S. Chamber of Commerce and its corporate patrons
because it would strengthen patent and copyright protections abroad, and
encourage American corporations to make even more stuff overseas and
ship it here. Americans benefit from cheaper goods from abroad only if
Americans have the money to buy them. But this massive deal would
further erode the jobs and wages of working and middle-class Americans
while delivering its biggest gains to corporate executives and
shareholders. Moreover, the deal’s environmental and labor safeguards
are woefully inadequate, and it would give global corporations further
rights to challenge American health and safety laws.
I still regret not doing more to strengthen the North American Free
Trade Act's labor and environmental side-agreements when I was labor
secretary under Bill Clinton. The TPP is NAFTA on steroids. Make a
ruckus.
pic. Sobering point: It is NOT the Bible States that are the mass-consumers of fossil fuels and other earth resources. It is NOT the Bible States that are providing the computer scientists, programmers, engineers, scientists that are enabling corporations to rape and plunder what's left of resources on earth. IT IS THE NON-BIBLE, SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY-WORSHIPING, STUFF WORSHIPING STATES.
Sobering point: It is NOT the Bible States that are the mass-consumers of fossil fuels and other earth resources. It is NOT the Bible States that are providing the computer scientists, programmers, engineers, scientists that are enabling corporations to rape and plunder what's left of resources on earth. IT IS THE NON-BIBLE, SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY-WORSHIPING, STUFF WORSHIPING STATES.
Berkeley paleoclimatologist B. Lynn Ingram, co-author of The West Without Water, says California faces what could be its most severe drought in half a millennium.
US - Why California's water woes could be just beginning
Taxpayers to pay for fracking pollution if companies go bust. theguardian.com
UK
- Just a reminder that when the inevitable occurs, the frackers
immediately declare bankruptcy leaving the aftermath for taxpayers and
local councils to sort out
TransCanada natural gas pipeline explodes near Otterburne. cbc.ca
TransCanada gas pipeline exploded last night near Otterburne, just south of Winnipeg. No injury reports, five houses evacuated.
"Thought it was the neighbours' house or something like that," said eyewitness Tyler Holigroski. "I thought there was a fire, but the way it lit the sky, it was like the sun coming up. The only thing is it was flashing. It would get brighter, get dim, get brighter, go dim. It lit up the whole sky here for half an hour. The sky's still glowing, actually."
"Thought it was the neighbours' house or something like that," said eyewitness Tyler Holigroski. "I thought there was a fire, but the way it lit the sky, it was like the sun coming up. The only thing is it was flashing. It would get brighter, get dim, get brighter, go dim. It lit up the whole sky here for half an hour. The sky's still glowing, actually."
1.24.2014
Loving, here. Considered suicide, last night. 100% out of the question for me, regrettably.
[Spoiler alert: within moments it came absolutely clear to me, to my personal regret, that suicide is 100% out of the question for me].
I've been very open with you over the years. Why wouldn't I share this with you? I think it would be very wrong of me to not, on many levels. It is something others go through, it should be talked about, or at least, shared.
This is NOT a cry for help.
1. Suicide is totally out of the question for me. I saw that within minutes. Regrettably.
2. No one can help me through this. Like a rescuer of children, during the Holocaust, this is something I must work through, and solve, myself, the internal psychological, spiritual war, and the external, pragmatic implementation and execution plans.
I lay awake last night for at least 6 hours before being able to sleep - 9pm until at least 3am. This is partly due to the chemo, I think, partly sinus issues, partly permanent changes in my sleep patterns I've not yet figured out, partly the abject terror I feel for myself, for all of creation in the face of 2, not one, unfolding Armageddons - Ecocide and US/global economic Fascism; and a 3rd, personal, armageddon for me - the prospect of another 10-20 years of solitude, extreme vulnerability, etc. Ugh. Shudder.
It is that last one, to do with abject terror, that had me consider, seriously, for a few moments, whether suicide, at some future date, might be the answer for my agony of terror.
Within recent weeks, my life has 100% imploded, in as much as, for me, 'Life' is living out one's world view, especially in terms of how to serve the neediest of Creation. It imploded with my total and complete abandonment of any and all hope that my fellow humans would rise to the occasion to avert these two Armageddons unfolding before our eyes at terrifying speed. I have the intellectual, experiential, let alone moral right, to abandon all hope, because more than one in a million I've been devoting my very being to averting them - ecocide by global warming for 5 years with my every breath, and for the last 6 months, Fascism (tho it is just recently that I've come to see it as Fascism replacing Democracy, in truth, tho not in name).
So, my life of the last 15 years - attempting to spark a mass salvation of human future, is no more. My being, of the last 15 years, is no more. That's a pretty big thing to deal with! All of my life's decisions (economic, living on the street, isolation, tattoos, destitution...)have made sense in view of my goals, my attempts, and now, they are behind me, forever. That's kind of a pretty big shock to the system, the understatement of the millennium.
My Soul, Heart, and mind work like this - they spin out way ahead of me crunching input that I've been cramming in, but crunching it way out of my control - and then they spit out impressions - and the one that hit me quickly last night, particularly sparked with the thought of suicide (sleeping pills or something) was recollections of the contents of one of the most awe-inspiring books I've ever read (several times), "Courage and Conscience," by psychologist Eva Fogleman, on non-Jewish rescuers during the Holocaust. Breathtaking humanity. Unimaginable. THEY LIVED UNIMAGINABLE TERROR (personal, and for others), I instantly recalled. Maybe they personally considered suicide to end their personal terror (unimaginable terror). But instantly they too would realize that this relief was out of the question for them, because there were people that needed their attempts at saving, not the masses, but the few, or the one.
It further hit me that some of them, tho this is pure speculation on my part, devoted earlier years, maniacally, trying to stop the 3rd Reich in its infancy, and like I, realized at some point, that the dream of that happening imploded before their eyes, and probably not to the eyes of others they knew. The early fighters to prevent 3rd Reich domination, and then, to affect rescue when it was too late to stop, were in both cases, the one in a million weirdos. Isolated. Alone.
This is just how I feel today as I type this, and I do not expect it to change. I don't see how I can live with this terror, hour in, hour out, for myself, for US democracy, for all but the middle-and upper classes economically, for all of creation. Sheer terror - no jobs, throw away people to the powers that be; abandoned as soon as prudent, controlled as brutally as is desired by their police forces... masses that have become too inconvenient, by the middle class corporatocracy and their masters. Hunger Games, here, now. Elysium, here, now. I see it, plain as day. Living nightmare.
And I would end it for myself; it is no life living with such terror - crushing. Crushing. But it IS life attempting to rescue the few that realize they need to be rescued (just the smallest of fraction of Jews in Germany came out of their denial enough to see that they and their loved ones needed rescue, desperately.)
Over time, my personal, sheer, terror of a another 10 - 20 years isolation, solitude, working along, in physical destitution, more and more a vulnerable target of the Fascist police force as insane, snowballing income inequality in the US manifests its utter barbarity... will be pushed to the background as I learn to conceptualize, internalize, and again make central to my life the terror I already feel for my fellow human beings, and fellow creatures: Where can the lucky few escape to - off-empire? How to help babies escape by helping their parent's see the abject cruelty in having babies in such a time: 'woe to the mother with child in the end times...,' Jesus was speaking of the impeding destruction of the Jewish peoples... and of today, globally.
If you've read this far, please, if you do anything further with it, ponder it deeply, not as my story, but as the story of a serious human being, a minor prophet, maybe. Please, do not ignore me on this point.
It is NOT important as my personal story. In that sense, it is for me to work out. I'll work it out, tho it is the most daunting task of my lifetime. Please, do not ignore me on this point.
If you, understandably, find you ignore my admonition on these last two points, please be understanding if any reply is not as gentle, or understanding, as you might otherwise expect. I'm a soldier, at war. It ain't easy. It can't be made easy. I'm at the early stages of becoming a Holocaust rescuer. It can't be made easy.
I suspect it will shortly, (last chemo session Monday), have me living back on the ever more hostile, dangerous, fascist streets of DC, back in front of the Canadian Embassy, maintaining a vigil marking the murder of creation, and advocating for parents to not have babies; all the while studying escape routes for those looking to live off-empire, blogging, etc.
Thanks for sharing this journey with me, as much as you have. Don't let it hurt, or overwhelm you. I don't need more folks to worry about than I already have.
Oh, if you have any question as to the source, nature, and or intensity of my terror, these will help you, if anything can. They are 95% or better in line with the current, mainstream science and economic consensus, a distillation of what I've been studying with scholarly rigor for years:
3 min: "We've passed the 59th minute."
10 min: THE LAST HOURS
WELL WORTH IT 2 hour plus documentary: vid. End of Empire, Civ, Life.
I've been very open with you over the years. Why wouldn't I share this with you? I think it would be very wrong of me to not, on many levels. It is something others go through, it should be talked about, or at least, shared.
This is NOT a cry for help.
1. Suicide is totally out of the question for me. I saw that within minutes. Regrettably.
2. No one can help me through this. Like a rescuer of children, during the Holocaust, this is something I must work through, and solve, myself, the internal psychological, spiritual war, and the external, pragmatic implementation and execution plans.
I lay awake last night for at least 6 hours before being able to sleep - 9pm until at least 3am. This is partly due to the chemo, I think, partly sinus issues, partly permanent changes in my sleep patterns I've not yet figured out, partly the abject terror I feel for myself, for all of creation in the face of 2, not one, unfolding Armageddons - Ecocide and US/global economic Fascism; and a 3rd, personal, armageddon for me - the prospect of another 10-20 years of solitude, extreme vulnerability, etc. Ugh. Shudder.
It is that last one, to do with abject terror, that had me consider, seriously, for a few moments, whether suicide, at some future date, might be the answer for my agony of terror.
Within recent weeks, my life has 100% imploded, in as much as, for me, 'Life' is living out one's world view, especially in terms of how to serve the neediest of Creation. It imploded with my total and complete abandonment of any and all hope that my fellow humans would rise to the occasion to avert these two Armageddons unfolding before our eyes at terrifying speed. I have the intellectual, experiential, let alone moral right, to abandon all hope, because more than one in a million I've been devoting my very being to averting them - ecocide by global warming for 5 years with my every breath, and for the last 6 months, Fascism (tho it is just recently that I've come to see it as Fascism replacing Democracy, in truth, tho not in name).
So, my life of the last 15 years - attempting to spark a mass salvation of human future, is no more. My being, of the last 15 years, is no more. That's a pretty big thing to deal with! All of my life's decisions (economic, living on the street, isolation, tattoos, destitution...)have made sense in view of my goals, my attempts, and now, they are behind me, forever. That's kind of a pretty big shock to the system, the understatement of the millennium.
My Soul, Heart, and mind work like this - they spin out way ahead of me crunching input that I've been cramming in, but crunching it way out of my control - and then they spit out impressions - and the one that hit me quickly last night, particularly sparked with the thought of suicide (sleeping pills or something) was recollections of the contents of one of the most awe-inspiring books I've ever read (several times), "Courage and Conscience," by psychologist Eva Fogleman, on non-Jewish rescuers during the Holocaust. Breathtaking humanity. Unimaginable. THEY LIVED UNIMAGINABLE TERROR (personal, and for others), I instantly recalled. Maybe they personally considered suicide to end their personal terror (unimaginable terror). But instantly they too would realize that this relief was out of the question for them, because there were people that needed their attempts at saving, not the masses, but the few, or the one.
It further hit me that some of them, tho this is pure speculation on my part, devoted earlier years, maniacally, trying to stop the 3rd Reich in its infancy, and like I, realized at some point, that the dream of that happening imploded before their eyes, and probably not to the eyes of others they knew. The early fighters to prevent 3rd Reich domination, and then, to affect rescue when it was too late to stop, were in both cases, the one in a million weirdos. Isolated. Alone.
This is just how I feel today as I type this, and I do not expect it to change. I don't see how I can live with this terror, hour in, hour out, for myself, for US democracy, for all but the middle-and upper classes economically, for all of creation. Sheer terror - no jobs, throw away people to the powers that be; abandoned as soon as prudent, controlled as brutally as is desired by their police forces... masses that have become too inconvenient, by the middle class corporatocracy and their masters. Hunger Games, here, now. Elysium, here, now. I see it, plain as day. Living nightmare.
And I would end it for myself; it is no life living with such terror - crushing. Crushing. But it IS life attempting to rescue the few that realize they need to be rescued (just the smallest of fraction of Jews in Germany came out of their denial enough to see that they and their loved ones needed rescue, desperately.)
Over time, my personal, sheer, terror of a another 10 - 20 years isolation, solitude, working along, in physical destitution, more and more a vulnerable target of the Fascist police force as insane, snowballing income inequality in the US manifests its utter barbarity... will be pushed to the background as I learn to conceptualize, internalize, and again make central to my life the terror I already feel for my fellow human beings, and fellow creatures: Where can the lucky few escape to - off-empire? How to help babies escape by helping their parent's see the abject cruelty in having babies in such a time: 'woe to the mother with child in the end times...,' Jesus was speaking of the impeding destruction of the Jewish peoples... and of today, globally.
If you've read this far, please, if you do anything further with it, ponder it deeply, not as my story, but as the story of a serious human being, a minor prophet, maybe. Please, do not ignore me on this point.
It is NOT important as my personal story. In that sense, it is for me to work out. I'll work it out, tho it is the most daunting task of my lifetime. Please, do not ignore me on this point.
If you, understandably, find you ignore my admonition on these last two points, please be understanding if any reply is not as gentle, or understanding, as you might otherwise expect. I'm a soldier, at war. It ain't easy. It can't be made easy. I'm at the early stages of becoming a Holocaust rescuer. It can't be made easy.
I suspect it will shortly, (last chemo session Monday), have me living back on the ever more hostile, dangerous, fascist streets of DC, back in front of the Canadian Embassy, maintaining a vigil marking the murder of creation, and advocating for parents to not have babies; all the while studying escape routes for those looking to live off-empire, blogging, etc.
Thanks for sharing this journey with me, as much as you have. Don't let it hurt, or overwhelm you. I don't need more folks to worry about than I already have.
Oh, if you have any question as to the source, nature, and or intensity of my terror, these will help you, if anything can. They are 95% or better in line with the current, mainstream science and economic consensus, a distillation of what I've been studying with scholarly rigor for years:
3 min: "We've passed the 59th minute."
10 min: THE LAST HOURS
WELL WORTH IT 2 hour plus documentary: vid. End of Empire, Civ, Life.
1.23.2014
Titanic is sinking. detail. Robert Reich, Especially puke-in-your-mouth terrifying: "But all the GOP has to do to win a Senate majority next fall is pick up a net six seats. Democrats have to defend many more seats than Republicans, including in seven states Obama lost in 2012. Which is why it's particularly worrisome that “Americans for Prosperity,” the political front group financed by billionaires Charles and David Koch, has already spent a whopping $22 million on TV ads using Obamacare's botched roll-out to attack vulnerable Senate Democrats – and causing those Democrats’ approval ratings to plummet."
Especially
puke-in-your-mouth terrifying: "But all the GOP has to do to win a
Senate majority next fall is pick up a net six seats. Democrats have to
defend many more seats than Republicans, including in seven states Obama
lost in 2012. Which is why it's particularly worrisome that “Americans
for Prosperity,” the political front group financed by billionaires
Charles and David Koch, has already spent a whopping $22 million on TV
ads using Obamacare's botched roll-out to attack vulnerable Senate
Democrats – and causing those Democrats’ approval ratings to plummet."
Titanic is sinking.
CLASS
WARFARE. Democrats aren’t perfect but it’s the Republicans who are
mounting a war against the poor and working class – opposing extended
benefits for the long-term unemployed,
fighting an increase in the minimum wage, rejecting any expansion of
Medicaid, opposing investments in education and job-training, rejecting
any jobs program, busting unions, and seeking repeal of the Affordable
Care Act.
But all the GOP has to do to win a Senate majority next fall is pick up a
net six seats. Democrats have to defend many more seats than
Republicans, including in seven states Obama lost in 2012. Which is why
it's particularly worrisome that “Americans for Prosperity,” the
political front group financed by billionaires Charles and David Koch,
has already spent a whopping $22 million on TV ads using Obamacare's
botched roll-out to attack vulnerable Senate Democrats – and causing
those Democrats’ approval ratings to plummet. AFP has become the biggest
outside group in the upcoming elections. Yet that $22 million is barely
a rounding error for the Koch brothers, each of whom has a net worth of
$36 billion, according to Forbes (they're tied for fourth on the
magazine's list of the 400 richest people in America). At this rate they
can buy Republican control of the Senate for chump change.
This is class warfare with a vengeance. Don’t sit there. Get involved,
now.
1.21.2014
***** Loving's dialog with a dear, Wash, DC, Parent
[Note: some will have found this post from this graphic -
[Note to a dear friend, an accomplished, impactful writer, in the DC area,
who has been a dear friend these last several years - this friend and
the friend's young family.]
My gauge of you is as an extraordinarily good, loving, responsible,courageous... parent and spouse. As such, I believe you would
have the desire, and strength, to want to see any harm coming in their
direction, sooner, rather than later. I have so wanted, in the case
of those for whom I care.
Such a parent, and spouse, would want to
see these, links below. Based on my lifelong background of sifting through
the minds and ideas of leading edge scientists in industry... and my 5 years
dedication to understanding global warming, ALL, links below, are from the standpoint
of the leading edge, MAIN STREAM scientists, these (below) ARE the
mainstream scientific and economic projections. Nothing the least
bit 'fringe' about them from the standpoint of the main stream
scientists, 97% of them. (100% fringe from the standpoint of Fox News,
the right wing media, and the fossil fuel $1b per year (recent main stream
articles) misinformation machine.)
And the one direction of their views, year in, year out, year
by year, for the last 30-40 years, is that any current year's data says
that their prior year projections of horror were, uh, too, way, way, WAY too
conservative. This never changes, year in, year out. Even the scientists
are subject to internal denial of the facts, science, and the implications.
It is overwhelmingly bleak, and terrifying:
10 min - very good, 2014 synopsis:
http://jesusgodgoodetcnjay.blogspot.com/2013/12/last-hours-vid-10-min.html
2 hour more in depth, what my 1000's of hours of main-stream research
confirms (2007, but very much correct on all the main points), and 99.9999% more
than all but 1 in a million citizens understand about where we are:
http://jesusgodgoodetcnjay.blogspot.com/2014/01/life-ending-on-earth-life-at-end-of.html
Scholarly papers -
Well footnoted to main-stream science, tho the author has taken a more courageous,
honest, more forthright take on the implications of the science than most others have
to date:
http://www.motherjones.com/environment/2013/12/climate-scientist-environment-apocalypse-human-extinction
Gold Standard Scientific Position, 12.03.13, Nasa's James Hansen, et al:
http://www.columbia.edu/~jeh1/mailings/2013/20131202_PopularSciencePlosOneE.pdf
What these articles and videos above do not cover, is the other Armageddon unfolding,
global fascism, police state, the end of democracy in America (Bill Moyers) Here, here, here, here.
Now, hold on for just a second before you decide I'm a loon. This below is main stream headlines
the last few days. Now, if 85 rich owning 1/2 the world, and the top 2% owning
virtually all of it, if this is not Fascism, the rich owning everything,
the rich (their money and power) 'owning' the
government officials, then, well, hmm, it IS Global Fascism, by whatever name or guise. These people don't
own the 50% because they have good intent; and it requires no 'conspiracy' theory; it is
only to say that 85, or 10,000 people with that much $$$,
near all the rest of us with any power (gov officials) are going
to be sure not to threaten, and to curry favor with, these people. Not one in a million
of us would risk family, education, job, status, comfort... by not pursuing
the money and favor of such money. Let's be real:
The World's 85 Richest Now Worth as Much as 3.5 Billion PoorestBusinessweek
85 richest people own as much as bottom half of population, report ...Opinion-Los Angeles Time
World's richest have same wealth as 3.5 billion poorestCNBC.com
Richest 1% own nearly half of world's wealthUSA TODAY
etc....
The point? Armageddon, 2x, is unfolding before the eyes of every parent in
America -
1x Armageddon: Earth may only be habitable for another few generations, convulsions
beginning immediately; and the
2x Armageddon: Demise of Democracy in America, and the unfolding of
Global Fascism, a 4th Reich, tho unnamed, is unfolding before the
parent's eyes. It will be one life for the top 1-10% (the owners and their corpratocracy),
and another life entirely, rapidly becoming more bleak, for the rest, the expendables.
For the 'rest,' I'll spend the rest of my life sentence doing what I can to help.
More here, and unfolding here over time.
For many more years to come, most parents will not find the Loving to come out
of their comfortable denial. But some will find the Courage, the Loving, and begin
to figure out how to help their children grow, and find Joy, and mitigation of suffering,
in this terrible, terrifying, convulsing, collapsing, violent, vicious, deadly, and soon dead, new world. I'll do what little I can to help them.No need to reply to me.
Your Loving brother forever, no matter what.
------- Addendum-------
Comment from a young, in college FB friend, MW (initial CRUCIAL dialog, HERE):
'Awesome. Thank you. So depressing. Seems hopeless.'
Loving:
'It is, materially, hopeless, ONLY because millions will not take the streets, unviolently, UNTIL THEY WIN A FUTURE FOR THEIR KID'S. But some of the most joyful people ever to have walked the earth, will be the folks of your generation that carve out a loving life of mutual community and service, off grid, sustainable, outside of empire. Folks are doing it. Within weeks I'll be diving in to begin understanding, cataloging, sharing, following, and if I'm lucky, joining and helping such communities.'
-----FRIENDS, WHY DON'T YOU SHARE THIS POST. WHAT HAVE WE GOT TO LOSE?----
[Note to a dear friend, an accomplished, impactful writer, in the DC area,
who has been a dear friend these last several years - this friend and
the friend's young family.]
My gauge of you is as an extraordinarily good, loving, responsible,courageous... parent and spouse. As such, I believe you would
have the desire, and strength, to want to see any harm coming in their
direction, sooner, rather than later. I have so wanted, in the case
of those for whom I care.
Such a parent, and spouse, would want to
see these, links below. Based on my lifelong background of sifting through
the minds and ideas of leading edge scientists in industry... and my 5 years
dedication to understanding global warming, ALL, links below, are from the standpoint
of the leading edge, MAIN STREAM scientists, these (below) ARE the
mainstream scientific and economic projections. Nothing the least
bit 'fringe' about them from the standpoint of the main stream
scientists, 97% of them. (100% fringe from the standpoint of Fox News,
the right wing media, and the fossil fuel $1b per year (recent main stream
articles) misinformation machine.)
And the one direction of their views, year in, year out, year
by year, for the last 30-40 years, is that any current year's data says
that their prior year projections of horror were, uh, too, way, way, WAY too
conservative. This never changes, year in, year out. Even the scientists
are subject to internal denial of the facts, science, and the implications.
It is overwhelmingly bleak, and terrifying:
3 min or so. Dr. David Suzuki, Canada's equivalent of Bill Nye the science
guy, tho
more scholarly -
http://jesusgodgoodetcnjay.blogspot.com/2013/12/just-stop-watch-share-decide-david.html10 min - very good, 2014 synopsis:
http://jesusgodgoodetcnjay.blogspot.com/2013/12/last-hours-vid-10-min.html
2 hour more in depth, what my 1000's of hours of main-stream research
confirms (2007, but very much correct on all the main points), and 99.9999% more
than all but 1 in a million citizens understand about where we are:
http://jesusgodgoodetcnjay.blogspot.com/2014/01/life-ending-on-earth-life-at-end-of.html
Scholarly papers -
Well footnoted to main-stream science, tho the author has taken a more courageous,
honest, more forthright take on the implications of the science than most others have
to date:
http://www.motherjones.com/environment/2013/12/climate-scientist-environment-apocalypse-human-extinction
Gold Standard Scientific Position, 12.03.13, Nasa's James Hansen, et al:
http://www.columbia.edu/~jeh1/mailings/2013/20131202_PopularSciencePlosOneE.pdf
What these articles and videos above do not cover, is the other Armageddon unfolding,
global fascism, police state, the end of democracy in America (Bill Moyers) Here, here, here, here.
Now, hold on for just a second before you decide I'm a loon. This below is main stream headlines
the last few days. Now, if 85 rich owning 1/2 the world, and the top 2% owning
virtually all of it, if this is not Fascism, the rich owning everything,
the rich (their money and power) 'owning' the
government officials, then, well, hmm, it IS Global Fascism, by whatever name or guise. These people don't
own the 50% because they have good intent; and it requires no 'conspiracy' theory; it is
only to say that 85, or 10,000 people with that much $$$,
near all the rest of us with any power (gov officials) are going
to be sure not to threaten, and to curry favor with, these people. Not one in a million
of us would risk family, education, job, status, comfort... by not pursuing
the money and favor of such money. Let's be real:
The World's 85 Richest Now Worth as Much as 3.5 Billion PoorestBusinessweek
85 richest people own as much as bottom half of population, report ...Opinion-Los Angeles Time
One Stat to Destroy Your Faith in Humanity: The World's 85 Richest ...TIME
World's 85 richest have as much money as 3.5billion poorest people ...Daily MailWorld's richest have same wealth as 3.5 billion poorestCNBC.com
Richest 1% own nearly half of world's wealthUSA TODAY
World's richest 85 people have as much as bottom half the population
McClatchy Washington Bureauetc....
The point? Armageddon, 2x, is unfolding before the eyes of every parent in
America -
1x Armageddon: Earth may only be habitable for another few generations, convulsions
beginning immediately; and the
2x Armageddon: Demise of Democracy in America, and the unfolding of
Global Fascism, a 4th Reich, tho unnamed, is unfolding before the
parent's eyes. It will be one life for the top 1-10% (the owners and their corpratocracy),
and another life entirely, rapidly becoming more bleak, for the rest, the expendables.
For the 'rest,' I'll spend the rest of my life sentence doing what I can to help.
More here, and unfolding here over time.
For many more years to come, most parents will not find the Loving to come out
of their comfortable denial. But some will find the Courage, the Loving, and begin
to figure out how to help their children grow, and find Joy, and mitigation of suffering,
in this terrible, terrifying, convulsing, collapsing, violent, vicious, deadly, and soon dead, new world. I'll do what little I can to help them.No need to reply to me.
Your Loving brother forever, no matter what.
------- Addendum-------
Comment from a young, in college FB friend, MW (initial CRUCIAL dialog, HERE):
'Awesome. Thank you. So depressing. Seems hopeless.'
Loving:
'It is, materially, hopeless, ONLY because millions will not take the streets, unviolently, UNTIL THEY WIN A FUTURE FOR THEIR KID'S. But some of the most joyful people ever to have walked the earth, will be the folks of your generation that carve out a loving life of mutual community and service, off grid, sustainable, outside of empire. Folks are doing it. Within weeks I'll be diving in to begin understanding, cataloging, sharing, following, and if I'm lucky, joining and helping such communities.'
-----FRIENDS, WHY DON'T YOU SHARE THIS POST. WHAT HAVE WE GOT TO LOSE?----
pic. Greenpeace (and the rest of the co2 activist Industry), If the co2 industry could own and direct you, what would they have you do differently? NOTHING. You are perfect for them. By leading activists to fight popular 'battles,' you keep them away from the ‘War’ that could end co2, Fee and Dividend, cutting off the head of the million tentacle hydra. And in a matter of months it becomes economically too late to do that - fee and dividend. You must know this. Just as short term greed blinds the co2 industry, so it blinds you. Your ‘business’ isn’t STOPPING ECOCIDE, IT’S GETTING donations. SICK.
Greenpeace (and the rest of the co2 activist
Industry),
If the co2 industry could own and direct you, what would they have you do differently? NOTHING.
You are perfect for them. By leading activists to fight popular 'battles,' you keep them away from the ‘War’ that could end co2, Fee and Dividend, cutting off the head of the million tentacle hydra. And in a matter of months it becomes
economically too late to do that - fee and dividend. You must know this.
Just as short term greed blinds the co2 industry, so it blinds you. Your ‘business’ isn’t STOPPING ECOCIDE, IT’S GETTING donations. SICK.
Industry),
If the co2 industry could own and direct you, what would they have you do differently? NOTHING.
You are perfect for them. By leading activists to fight popular 'battles,' you keep them away from the ‘War’ that could end co2, Fee and Dividend, cutting off the head of the million tentacle hydra. And in a matter of months it becomes
economically too late to do that - fee and dividend. You must know this.
Just as short term greed blinds the co2 industry, so it blinds you. Your ‘business’ isn’t STOPPING ECOCIDE, IT’S GETTING donations. SICK.
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