It has been weeks since I have felt well physically. The intestine shortened by 1/3 to remove cancer is less and less manageable and rarely feels healthy. It occurs to me that cancer may be coming back.

It has been weeks since I have felt well physically. The intestine shortened by 1/3 to remove cancer is less and less manageable and rarely feels healthy. It occurs to me that cancer may be coming back.

Knocked out. My strength and stamina are so much better than they were several years ago. I couldn't believe that, as the doctors said, eventually my body would recover, but it seems to have done so. It still ...

### Knocked out. My strength and stamina are so much better than they were several years ago. I couldn't believe that, as the doctors said, eventually my body would recover, but it seems to have done so. It still has limits and it looks like three or four days in a row all day in near hundred degree effective heat pedaling a 200 pound bicycle plus me is one such limit. 15 plus hours sleeping so far today in a cool room. I can't complain but I sure detest losing the time from work.

Just came from the surgeon examining her handiwork of yesterday. She

Just came from the surgeon examining her handiwork of yesterday. She is just as nice as anyone could possibly be. She is very pleased with her work. The way these things go my eyesight should continue to improve over the next month. My next visit is next Thursday. I need to self-administer three different drops 4 times a day. Yuck. I've been ready to go home for years. It is no fun for me being on this hellish eaeth that we have created. But if I'm going to be here my joy, what keeps me alive, is serving, and having this left eye back is an immense gift. I told the surgeon and I think she was very much touched by my appreciation. How rarely we express our appreciation, no?       The hospital and others really jumped through hoops so that I could get the surgery this month, because my insurance goes away on January 1st. Argh! I'm so appreciative of everyone's efforts.

don't tell. I'm supposed to be resting, but this is the last day before everyone leaves Washington DC on their holidays. So here I am at Farragut square on lobbyist K Street.

Hooray! Cataract surgery has been reestablished for this Thursday, December 17th.....

Hooray! Cataract surgery has been reestablished for this Thursday, December 17th.....

It is outpatient surgery. The hospital for reasons I don't know had bumped me into January and December 31st as things currently stand my health insurance is no more. I think that at some future point in some number of months I will have insurance reestablished but how long that will take is unknown and I am a bit of a danger driving my vehicle without a working left eye. The social worker who has been very kind to me over the years, she works at the hospital, took on this challenge, got a ombudsman department involved and I'm back on schedule for Thursday! Woohoo!

It is scheduled to be a 30 minute procedure, I'll take the bus to the hospital, they will only release me if someone drives me away so the social worker has a driver who will do so. I expect to be back at the shelter late afternoon. It is expected to be painless. I'll have a patch on until the next day when I return to the hospital and they remove the patch and inspect things I'm sure. And from then on they expect that I have a working left eye again. Woohoo! I am supposed to take it easy then for a couple of weeks as I recall but I don't think that means that I really need to curtail my normal activities very a much. And, things will slow down the last half of this month anyway because everyone will be out of town.

Medical update: really good news. As I reported earlier I'm scheduled for cataract surgery .......

Medical update: really good news. As I reported earlier I'm scheduled for cataract surgery on the 17th of this month, a 30 minute outpatient procedure. But the scheduling was tentative because the cataract that the opthamologist could see in my left eye was not large enough, with any certainty, to explain all of the vision loss. Hence, she was concerned that retinal damage might be much of the issue and that cataract surgery would be of insufficient help.

I have just concluded a visit to the retina specialist to whom she referred me. He seems very competent. and he seemed very sure that my retina is barely compromised at all for someone my age and does not explain the vision loss, and therefore he is very optimistic that the cataract surgery will give me very functional, near excellent, vision for as many years as the rest of my body holds together.

This is a far more optimistic outlook than I felt I had about a month ago.

Medical update, onset of blindness: I think that my specialist today.......

Medical update, onset of blindness: I think that my specialist today...

... is less concerned than the last week specialist as to macular degeneration. Yet, she, today, can not yet explain why my eyesight has degenerated so rapidly in only a month. The cataract in my left eye is large enough to explain some of it but it does not neatly explain all of it. Yet, we have tentatively scheduled cataract surgery for mid December. But before firming that up she wants me evaluated by a retinal specialist. That is scheduled for the last day in November now.

It is unlikely, based on review of today's specialist, the most senior that I have yet seen I believe, it is unlikely that this is a situation that can not be arrested. The specialist last week seemed quite concerned about macular degeneration. Depending upon the type that is something that can accelerate with little ability to stop it. Today's specialist suggests that it is not as advanced as I was understanding.

But again, the rate of deterioration is something that today's specialist cannot explain based on what she is seeing so far. So November 30th hopefully we will learn more.

I am quite distressed that I lose one or two days per week to bed rest finding that my heart mind spirit and body are crushed by my dawn to bedtime digestion and republication of the news from Palestine out in public Washington DC venues. Although......

I am quite distressed that I lose one or two days per week to bed rest finding that my heart mind spirit and body are crushed by my dawn to bedtime digestion and republication of the news from Palestine out in public Washington DC venues. Although I have a comfortable seat whether I'm in front of the Washington Post, New York Times, Center for American Progress... etc, apparently I am carrying severe emotional stress and weight that I'm not aware of. I am hoping that by introducing several periods of meditation per day I can reduce the time required for bed rest. If I had my way I would require no sleep at all and simply spend every second of my life fighting to free Palestine. I am not complaining. Depending upon what I learn on Tuesday I may have something to complain about. If it is the wet kind of macular degeneration robbing my eyesight then I might not have much eyesight at all for very long.

regarding the blindness increasing in my eyes: an update to my general practitioner....

The opthamologist at Georgetown yesterday, first time she had seen me, seemed shocked and at a loss as to how my eyesight could have degenerated so rapidly in just the last three weeks. It was three or four weeks ago that I saw the neuro opthamologist. She performed tests on me that had not been performed before, finding AMD in both eyes, particularly the left eye, and cataracts in both eyes, particularly the left eye. Next week I meet with a specialist at Georgetown who will evaluate whether cataracts are the primary problem and whether surgery is indicated. I'm guessing, from what I see online, that I will hope that the answer is yes because it looks like if it is AMD that is primarily making the left I go blind that that is far less treatable. I provide this just as an update for you. I am concerned because as you know my only interest in life is in serving and I would be severely crippled if I lost eyesight. But as you know, I'm a big boy, and I'll handle whatever comes my way. I'm sure that I am getting excellent treatment although if you think of any specialists that I should be seeing other than Georgetown I'm sure you will let me know. I will update you after next Tuesday's appointment at Georgetown.

Medical update. Oh, I AM going blind....

Medical update.  Oh,  I AM going blind....

... cataracts and macular degeneration in both eyes.   Hmmmm.  Left eye is worse.  No, the doc says, this should NOT be advancing so fast.

Seeing a cataract specialist next week for eval for surgery.

Cancer update: brain scan revealed....

Cancer update: brain scan revealed....

What my beloved father must always have known...

Negative...

No brain........

Full cat scan of the body revealed no cancer.

Blood tests reveal no cancer.

Brain scan reveals no cancer.

Neural opthamologist today says he too sees no problem to explain the rapid onset of apparent blindness in my left eye cept that the glasses that were created for me did not fulfill his prescription of two months ago.  They did not adhere to the specification  for my  astigmatism.  I returned to the glasses place with that information this afternoon and they said they would recreate the lenses for me over the next 2 or 3 weeks.

Cancer update. Curious; I began crying during the 35 minutes brain scan just now.....

Cancer update. Curious; I began crying during the 35 minutes brain scan just now...

I was totally fine. My heart rate was 100% normal, I am certain, I was totally relaxed. Why crying? I don't know.

 I think it had to do with this: my chosen way of being is to live the pain of the world, the second by second agony of Palestine, the infinite pain of all creation going forward on writhing planet in death pangs. I don't dwell on that pain. But I keep it at the center of my being at all times because it is the primary informing of what I must do. I think by all objective measures I manage that enormously well. But I keep myself on the edge at all seconds that I am awake.

Have you ever had an MRI? They are overwhelming experiences. It is your head, for 35 minutes, 1 inch away from everything going on in a massive construction site. I had one about 3 years ago when they first detected the cancer, at Howard University. I had forgotten what a severe sensory experience it is.

I think, for a few fleeting seconds, it just overwhelmed me emotionally.

Part of it I'm sure is also the potential distraction and/or delay of my work, this journey around the country in this solar vehicle for Palestine and to stop ecocide. I think part of it too is the profoundly intense emotions that I have felt today in reading President Obama's words today regarding the Pope Francis visit, and the words of Pope Francis, especially those in the homily tonight where he instructed Catholics to stop talking so much and to start living their faith in service to the neediest in humanity more.

Next week and the following week I see a neural opthamologist and my cancer doctor as they try to figure out what's going on in my head that is causing my left eye to go blind.

you are a wonderful human being, my oncologist said to me....

You are a wonderful human being. It is an honor to take care of you, my oncologist said to me this morning. She is tremendously sweet, and of course, tremendously competent. She is from China. She has been my oncologist for several years now. I had just, choked with emotion, observed to her that the human rights work I am now doing with this vehicle is the most productive of my life and that it would not be occurring had she and the other folks at Georgetown not kept me alive and functioning thus far. What she said to me seemed genuine and seem to come from deep inside her. She is a person of few words. I find it difficult to know what a healthcare professional really feels because they are very professional and observe boundaries very tightly. But she seemed to mean what she said about me and that was nice for me to hear. It is profoundly important to me to make worthwhile all the resources that have been spent to make me functional.

nd. My oncologist has ordered a brain scan for me on Wednesday. There is concern about the rapid deterioration of my left eye.

My oncologist has ordered a brain scan for me on Wednesday. There is concern about the rapid deterioration of my left eye.

***** major update. How are things going here in DC? My medical Outlook?.....

***** major update. How are things going here in DC? My medical Outlook?..... If you saw the video log (http://jesusgodgoodetcnjay.blogspot.com/2015/09/day-35-reverence-for-life-is.html) speaking of Schweitzer's concept 'reverence for life' then I have little to add regarding how things are going here in DC. ( if not, I suggest you take a moment and view it now.)If he was correct that reverence for life is the essential ingredient in sanity, Humanity, decency, being of hope for the future rather than its destruction... then my return to dc has only confirmed that... There is no Life here. There is frenzy. There is a feeding frenzy. There is a frenzy for stuff, status, position, stimulation, sensation, safety, superiority ..... But there is no life. There is no reverence for life. Exactly as one who is color blind does not have the receptors to see certain colors, exactly in that way the over privileged that populate DC have had those receptors for reverence for life burned away, systematically atrophied, by their upbringing In this sickest, Most suicidal, of all cultures. I am speaking most particularly of the left, the Liberals, but also of the right. The great intellectual Ashley Montagu said without trace of cynicism, we die by degrees in this society, high school degree, bachelors degree, masters degree, PhD degree.... Teresa of Calcutta observed, the greatest poverty I have seen is the poverty of spirit in the West. I do not suspect she was speaking of the poor and disadvantaged. There is no future other than hell on earth unless by some miracle that reverence for life is rekindled Among large masses of people. And to that end of my life is devoted.

As to the outlook for me personally: The major CAT scan including radioactive(?) dye occurred this past Monday and the review of results with my oncologist is scheduled for this coming Monday. My sense is that I will be back on the road spreading the gospel of citizen uprising for many many many many many months. Hence I am working to get all medical issues resolved including dental and other, and logistics such as redirected mail. I have had one dental appointment and another scheduled for several weeks out that could lead to another yet. Also, with up to 10 hours per day of traveling that I do I am scheduled to have an old orthopedic issue addressed the end of October. Whether I will delay my departure that long is not clear.

  oh, and an odd, possibly serious, concern has arisen regarding my left eye. Only 2 months ago two different ophthalmologists evaluated my eyes and prescribed my first set of glasses. In just that short time my left eye has deteriorated to the point that one of the opthamologists says that it is no longer possible to give me clear far site. He is somewhat concerned that something may be going on neurologically or behind the eye. In several weeks there is an appointment scheduled to evaluate that situation.

Mercifully and miraculously the very tough staff of the shelter I have been staying in broke all rules several times and fully allowed me back after being away for 35 days. Also, the parking arrangements in front of a massive DC Municipal Building at night is also working out allowing me to sleep away from the vehicle.

 While confined here in DC for reasons mentioned above I am situating the vehicle and myself in high traffic areas spreading the gospel among the zombies; yesterday and the day before at a park three blocks from the White House on K Street, the heart of lobbyists and nonprofit land. Today on Capitol Hill. Next week with Pope Francis drawing huge crowds to DC I will hope to situate in the midst of those crowds outside of Union Station. I will not know till then if security arrangements will make that impossible.

 Strategically my sense is that I have been blind for years but now can see dimly. That is, now that I see what the problem is the absence of reverence for life, ( http://jesusgodgoodetcnjay.blogspot.com/2015/09/day-35-reverence-for-life-is.html ) which may be essentially what is correctly meant by the Holy Spirit, I am equipped with a workable problem definition. Equipped with this problem definition it is possible I may learn to better fashion myself into some minuscule remedy which is all that I wish to be, which is the only interest I have in remaining in this prison we call 2015 life. One of the impacts of this vastly improved problem definition that I now have is the notion it has given me that when I am in the presence of another I am in the presence of one of two things that are almost always possible from that individual: I am in the presence of their zombie, evil, spirit... Or, highly unlikely, the presence of the Holy Spirit, their reverence for life with which I believe we are all born. My a tendency has been to confront the evil spirit, the spirit of death and destruction, and the evil and idiocy, and or the excuses, cowardice and diversions... that it invariably spews. But the new insight with which I am now equipped at times, and I think possibly will become a primary response from me, causes me to simply wait, yes, maybe for eternity, but to wait for the Holy Spirit return within the individual who is in front of me. Yes, I do think there is some minuscule hopefulness to doing so, an infinitely greater hopefulness than any other response I can think of. What hopefullnrss? The hopefulness encapsulated in this: nature abhors a vacuum. If I am now, after a lifetime, finally seeing the problem clearly, I think the hopefulness would be in then, with my current clarity which may well increase substantially with practice, to be a presence in someone else's life, even for a few seconds, someone who is in the spirit of evil, self-centeredness, selfishness, lust... that is inhabiting them, a presents that sees clearly and with conviction that this evil spirit is not their natural, true, only spirit.... That putting them in contact with, in the presence of, someone who sees this truth might well be the, the only, way that one person can provide another the chance of salvation, escape, from that evil spirit. -- Sent from Fast notepad

***** Day 30. Ride for creation resumes. 5 days to Washington DC for medical tests.....

***** Day 30. Ride for creation resumes. 5 days to Washington DC for medical tests.....

The vehicle is as ready as it will ever be and it seems to be very ready.

As a driver I am as ready as I need to be, quite ready.

I have much to learn but I have learned an enormous amount in the last 29 days. Most importantly that this is a campaign to light a fire. It is the same campaign that Jesus began 2000 years ago. I may be doing it well. I may be doing it poorly. But I see that it is exactly what I'm called to do.

I've learned a tremendous amount as to how to do this journey, from the limits of the vehicle, to how to go beyond the limits of the vehicle, how to fully harness the Sun, I have optimized the vehicle, the manufacturer has optimize the vehicle, I am learning to be much more independent in problem solving and maintenance, my skills for route planning and route optimization continue to grow.

My sense of where to find living souls, those one in a million, is growing.

Today was really the culmination of the manufacturers efforts and mine to complete the foundation for the expansion of this campaign. I've spent several days, the last several days in Home Depot parking lots finalizing the solar trailer design and implementation, weatherproofing and wind proofing the vehicle and its contents. It seems to be very ship shape. Yes, many problems will arise in the future but the strong foundation is laid.

Hours were spent today by me contemplating where next. My first thoughts were the holiday crowds at Virginia Beach or Myrtle Beach. Both are about 2 days too far to make sense at this point in time. Meandering through the small and large towns between Durham and Washington DC over the next four or 7 days it seems to me the most productive next step. Doing so will lend me back in DC in time for medical appointments and the resumption by the Congress criminals. I envision having el fusion on Capitol Hill for one or two days maybe 3. They are not worth more than that.

My major cancer scan and consult with my oncologist is about 3 weeks out. I may be allowed to sleep in the shelter that I was in before I left Washington. That will be helpful but if I need to sleep in parks or surrounding towns that would be okay too. I envision while waiting the several weeks for my final cancer evaluation to travel maybe up into Amish country.

I expect I will learn a lot in coming weeks and months about where to find the few souls that have the potential to ignite. I suspect that each day will be my best attempt to physically place myself on those routes and in those towns or areas where those souls are most likely to be. My sense of the hallmark of the souls is profound humility, a sense of awe and wonder at creation that is very deep not shallow and self-serving. A deep and healthy sense of troubling at the precipice that humanity has brought everything to.

Cancer Update. I asked my oncologist today when we met to describe my situation. She said, 'Unfortunately, you are a stage four cancer patient... but fortunate.' She further explained, your cancer learned how to send out seeds and so far we've seen seeds growing into tumors in your liver and more recently your lung. But your scan of two weeks ago is clean, and it has been a year since your chemo and liver section. So, for now, we need to watch you carefully and frequently to see if any other seeds decide to grow, pretty intensively for the next 3 years or so. We'll do CT scans every 4 months for now, to see if anything grows. We'll do another colonoscopy asap, she does not want to wait. Within the next several weeks I expect. She emailed the specialist and we need to schedule something. But she said, 'this is really your first 'well baby' visit, we call it. We need to look at diet and exercise now. You walk quite a bit so I think you are ok with exercise. I want to you to take three things daily, pills: children's aspirin, fish oil, and calcium with vitamin D. My next consult, ct scan with blood work is end of May. Must make every day count... for my most desperate family... in Palestine.

Cancer Update.  I asked my oncologist today when we met to describe my situation. She said, 'Unfortunately, you are a stage four cancer patient... but fortunate.'  She further explained, your cancer learned how to send out seeds and so far we've seen seeds growing into tumors in your liver and more recently your lung.  But your scan of two weeks ago is clean, and it has been a year since your chemo and liver section.  So, for now, we need to watch you carefully and frequently to see if any other seeds decide to grow, pretty intensively for the next 3 years or so.  We'll do CT scans every 4 months for now, to see if anything grows.  We'll do another colonoscopy asap, she does not want to wait.  Within the next several weeks I expect. She emailed the specialist and we need to schedule something.  But she said, 'this is really your first 'well baby' visit, we call it.  We need to look at diet and exercise now. You walk quite a bit so I think you are ok with exercise.  I want you to take three things daily, pills:  children's aspirin, fish oil, and calcium with vitamin D.  My next consult, ct scan with blood work is end of May.  Must make every breath count... for my most desperate family... in Palestine, and beyond.

nd. Tuesday I expect to learn if that tumor in my lung was malignant or not. I'm fighting a cold that keeps me up with rivers of mucus, sorry, all night. The cold medicine isn't touching it. Could be much worse. I'm surprisingly productive during the day. The weather, the extreme cold, is far too much for my reduced strength to be vigiling for Palsestine these days, but this week the congressscum is out of town so that timing is good. Hopefully the following week the weather will be better and my strength greater and I can be back on the Hill for Palestine. I'm using my time indoors do fight for Palestine online on facebook and my blog and am in a deep dive of learning - Zionism, Christian Zionism, US Christian Fascism, Judaism.....

Tuesday I expect to learn if that tumor in my lung was malignant or not.  I'm fighting a cold that keeps me up with rivers of mucus, sorry, all night.  The cold medicine isn't touching it.  Could be much worse.  I'm surprisingly productive during the day.  The weather, the extreme cold, is far too much for my reduced strength to be vigiling for Palsestine these days, but this week the congressscum is out of town so that timing is good.  Hopefully the following week the weather will be better and my strength greater and I can be back on the Hill for Palestine.  I'm using my time indoors do fight for Palestine online on facebook and my blog and am in a deep dive of learning - Zionism, Christian Zionism, US Christian Fascism, Judaism.....

nd. I fully expected to be on Capitol Hill today continuing the Free Palestine vigil. I awoke after massive sleep with diarrhea and feeling very weak. I don't know what the heck is going on, if it is physical, psychological, both, cancer, what???? My new normal seems to be weeks of incapacitation for physical work punctuated by a day or two where I can physically vigil.

I fully expected to be on Capitol Hill today continuing the Free Palestine vigil.  I awoke after massive sleep with diarrhea and feeling very weak. I don't know what the heck is going on, if it is physical, psychological, both, cancer, what????  My new normal seems to be weeks of incapacitation for physical work punctuated by a day or two where I can physically vigil.

nd. Cancer update: no word yet on whether the tumor they removed from me late December is malignant or not. I meet with my oncologist in 2 weeks and I expect to learn more then. I saw my saintly general practitioner today to get some cold medicine so that I can sleep and I asked her weather what I have experienced post operation was reasonable. I told her that although I considered it a minor operation, just one day in the hospital, 3 hours under anesthesia, just three holes drilled between my ribs, for a full 6 or so weeks after the operation my body told me forcefully everyday that it was incapable of doing the free Palestine vigil at the White House or on Capitol Hill. This seemed absurd to me but what my body was telling me seemed so concretely real. Her response to me seemed to be honest. She said that a general rule of thumb is that every one day of intensive work in the hospital requires at least a month for the body to recover. This was comforting for me to hear.

Cancer update: no word yet on whether the tumor they removed from me late December is malignant or not. I meet with my oncologist in 2 weeks and I expect to learn more then. I saw my saintly general practitioner today to get some cold medicine so that I can sleep and I asked her weather what I have experienced post operation was reasonable. I told her that although I considered it a minor operation, just one day in the hospital, 3 hours under anesthesia, just three holes drilled between my ribs, for a full 6 or so weeks after the operation my body told me forcefully everyday that it was incapable of doing the free Palestine vigil at the White House or on Capitol Hill. This seemed absurd to me but what my body was telling me seemed so concretely real. Her response to me seemed to be honest. She said that a general rule of thumb is that every one day of intensive work in the hospital requires at least a month for the body to recover. This was comforting for me to hear.

nd. Nite nite. Off to the hospital early for more cancer tests.

Nite nite. Off to the hospital early for more cancer tests.