The riddle of my magical freshman year solved?

 And two final segments https://photos.app.goo.gl/qaprBRENaM5S72MN9

Who did Jesus have a relationship with? No one that I can think of. He had a relationship to everyone, a relationship of loving service, tough love. I can trace the great miseries of My Life to violating this, myself.

Being friends with is a deadly empowerment of my head and flesh. For my freshman year in college this was miraculously avoided and I was friends to everyone. But then it stopped in the miracle ended and I didn't know why. Similar thing last night. I have more and more respect for the early monasteries. Going to create a place of sanity.

I have lived the Paradox that the fewer I am friends with the more I can be friends to, now all creation. Never alone do I feel.

A friend cannot be lost. Close, pleasurable, acquaintances, yes, they are lost. Sadly we can separate ourselves from Friends.

Video log. Guardian angels, as if.

Unfriending probably 10 per day, sad, angry, resentful. But mostly simply acknowledging that the word friend means something, and a friend not in deed is no friend.

Unfriending probably 10 per day, sad, angry, resentful. But mostly simply acknowledging that the word friend means something, and a friend not in deed is no friend.

###. My faithfullest friend: this girl from high school, that due to my near comatose alienation and self-absorption as a teen, I don't remember, reached out to me ye........

###.  My faithfullest friend: this girl from high school, that due to my near comatose alienation and self-absorption as a teen, I don't remember, reached out to me years ago and has been so dear, so kind, so faithful, so loving,  so constant, so unwavering. There, I jynxed it, I'll lose her tomorrow. What will be will be. I learned this about her yesterday: "My greatest giving experience (and growing) was when i worked in a home for the chronically brain damaged people. all ages. I was on the second to the worst floor (bars on the widows and doors-one flew over the cuckoos nest style--) - taking physical care of 12 patients. They were from 30 yrs old to 80 yrs old. I woke, washed, dressed, medicated, fed, amongst many other things in a long day. IT WAS THE MOST JOYFUL OF "JOBS" BECAUSE--NO ONE WAS ABLE TO SAY THANK YOU. They just needed me and I was blessed to be there. It was me learning about true giving and loving it. a HUGE gift from God to me! ( I was 18 yrs old.) xoxox" 

I replied: Totally totally totally totally totally totally totally totally totally. Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you for sharing. In 2000 at the peak of my career, with several of masters degrees, the most joyful year of my life was as a guidance counselor in Chester Elementary, one of the ten largest, 10 neediest, 10 most failing elementary schools in the country, 1200 K thru 6th graders. I needed to figure out how to lift the entire School. It was a massive campus,  8 Acres 20 acres? Due to the wind and neglect of these children every morning the campus was literally covered with candy wrappers condoms glass shards.... . I saw my opportunity. I would arrive between 4 and 5 in the morning, every morning, and pick up everything on the campus so the staff and the students would arrive at a beautiful clean School and possibly feel the love behind my actions. There were days that I literally could not drive home 45 minutes after work  due to the exhaustion.  I would go  comatose sitting in my car for an hour asleep before I could move on. Without question the most joyful year of my life....  What you did was infinitely harder emotionally. I'm so glad for you but I don't know how you did it.

To a friend that I just unfriended:. Friend, I have warm feelings toward you. I do not indulge, go with, follow, my warm feelings toward anyone. I am not here to be a friend with anyone. I am here to.......

To a friend that I just unfriended:. Friend, I have warm feelings toward you. I do not indulge, go with, follow, my warm feelings toward anyone. I am not here to be a friend with anyone. I am here to be a friend to those who are suffering the most on this planet. I never allow myself the luxury of making an idle comment, a casual comment, only slightly thought through comment. At least it is extremely rare. Maybe to a fault I am extremely deliberate, thorough, thoughtful, research-based, fact based, intellectually based, emotionally based, academically based. Why? Because that is all I find Hope in standing on, in me or others. I have no quarrel with others who live their lives in other ways. That's not my business. But it is absolutely my business how to manage my time and that includes managing my various web sites. If anyone is silly enough to find me an authoritative source , which has nothing to do with me always being agreeable to, or correct, or absolutely correct... but for those silly enough to find me an authoritative Source I welcome their presence. In significant part I live for their presence, and I benefit from their comments more than they know. They conduct themselves accordingly speaking with respect and deep thought before they comment. It is not important to me whether they agree or disagree, only that they are thoughtful, as in, thinking deeply thoroughly factually and honestly. Your way of being is much more normal than mine, and much more casual. As I've tried to indicate to you over the years I do not have time for that from me,  you or anyone. This is why I have again unfriended you. My feelings for you are positive. But I don't have time for anyone's casual opinions, non deep, non authoritative, starting with mine. If I don't have time for it from me I surely don't have time for it from anyone else. Your friend forever, no matter what, James

nd. A FB exchange today: An acquaintance RF posted to all of the Friends to their page: "Describe me as best you can. Give me the privilege of seeing myself through your eyes." I commented: "1. I totally don't know you, as you are aware, we've had nearly zero contact; 2. Strong leanings toward the Good of humanity... that like 99.9999% of those like you... will be sidelined as impractical idealism, window dressing... for all of your years." RF's reply: "James, when I finally get back to D.C. one of these days, the first thing I'm going to do is come and sit with you awhile. Thank you for such a stirring compliment." My reply: " :-) I don 't give complements, or slams. I share the Truth as I see it with those that I think may want to hear, those very few."

A FB exchange today:  An acquaintance RF posted to all of the Friends to their page:  "Describe me as best you can. Give me the privilege of seeing myself through your eyes."  I commented: "1. I totally don't know you, as you are aware, we've had nearly zero contact; 2. Strong leanings toward the Good of humanity... that like 99.9999% of those like you... will be sidelined as impractical idealism, window dressing... for all of your years."  RF's reply:  "James, when I finally get back to D.C. one of these days, the first thing I'm going to do is come and sit with you awhile.  Thank you for such a stirring compliment."  My reply:  " :-)  I don 't give complements, or slams. I share the Truth as I see it with those that I think may want to hear, those very few."

nd. Friends (Friendship is unconditional From me), If there is no red line in your life, nothing that is totally and unconditionally unacceptable, like the incremental genocide of the Palestinians, then you really are going to get hurt, damaged, by traveling near to me. You really should disconnect, you should unfriend me.

Friends (Friendship is unconditional From me), If there is no red line in your life, nothing that is totally and unconditionally unacceptable, like the incremental genocide of the Palestinians, then you really are going to get hurt, damaged, by traveling near to me.  You really should disconnect, you should unfriend me.

nd. 'POLITICAL CORRECTNESS' IS LYING, AND MURDER NOW: FRIENDS, I WILL NEVER WANT TO 'LOSE' ANY OF YOU (AS 'FRIENDS.') BUT I WILL NEVER BE SO POOR A FRIEND AS TO LIE TO YOU ('POLITICAL CORRECTNESS' IS LYING). Please remember the difference, when you leave.

nd.  'POLITICAL CORRECTNESS' IS LYING, AND MURDER NOW:  FRIENDS, I WILL NEVER WANT TO 'LOSE' ANY OF YOU (AS 'FRIENDS.') BUT I WILL NEVER BE SO POOR A FRIEND AS TO LIE TO YOU ('POLITICAL CORRECTNESS' IS LYING).  Please remember the difference, when you leave.

detail. Surgery was a success. 3 hour operation began at 11am, I was... (detail click link)

Surgery was a success.  3 hour operation  began at 11am, I was waking in Recovery by 4:30pm and in my room by 6pm.  Little pain when I am stationary, huge pain if I cough (rarely occurring), they've prescribed pain meds that seem to manage that well, too.

Great, kind, compassionate, attentive, responsive, highly trained medical team.  Thanks to Obamacare it is available to me.  

Had one of the six  or so nicest surprises of my life today, that I can remember (so profoundly and deeply sorry to any of you that have been so deeply kind to me whose extreme kindness I may be forgetting at this moment, but I'm particularly overwhelmed by this one).   Please blame it on the pain narcotics they are pumping into me.

The five others, in no particular order: 

* 55year old Gerry and early 20’s John, in their suburban neighborhood, running hugely loud power tools on the lawn, till 2am... cutting me a hugely heavy  Cross... for me to walk with 200 miles to DC... to raise action to Save Darfur;

* Beverly nearly 'ripping the throat' out of a pastor she saw should try and rescue me from an extreme hike, while on hunger strike, ‘the most ‘Christian thing she’d every seen’) for the criminally disadvantaged children of Chester PA;

*  Dave and Mary Rachel bringing their new young son X from PA (where they work 7 days per week) to see me when I was living on the streets of DC so I could devote myself to averting global warming;

*  Cathy driving from PA, just moments before hurricane Sandy was to hit DC where I was living on the streets fighting Global Warming... to rip me off of them, to safety, braving the leadinng edge of Sandy all the way back to PA for me, with me; 

* My dad... for the 28 years or so before his death... standing by me, giving me everything he had to give... despite the near total, embarrasing, zero of a person I objectively was at that time....

Oh, I could go on with another 5, or more.  Most people never see such Love even once in their Lives... I've been criminally, entirely, undeservedly over-privileged in this (and every other ) way.  

[Side note: It is important, crucial... to periodically reflect such instances of Pure Loving in one's life, and or, such instances one knows of, even if in literature... for THIS is where we've seen God, the Creator, the Divine... Loving... and they must be the Star we steer by to be, become, and do the same... with every breath.]

The potential of my physical death has never been a concern for me, except as a provider to physical dependents (offspring, woman I was married to), and now, as a possibly consequential fighter for my Family in Palestine.  But personally, hey, you go to sleep, don't wake up, the ride, your 'turn,' is over.  What is the big deal?  So the tiny but real risk of death from any substantial surgery, such as mine this morning, was no concern to me. 

Cathy, my sister in Pennsylvania, to whom I was married for decades, offered, weeks ago, to come down, and I knew she wanted to, and it was from her heart I was sure... but I said the idea was ridiculous... bus picks up and drops me off literally at the curb... of the hospital and my homeless shelter... no, I said... too much time, too much money... too much carbon... zero point or need. And that was the end of it.  Didn't hear from her since... our lives are in near totally different directions.  

Signing in at the hospital this morning I gave Cathy’s  name and my friend Jim from VA, authorization to retreaive my stuff, in the uunlikely event I croaked  (with prior instructions to them that what meager 'stuff' I have go to the world's greatest activist Diane Wilson for her work)  But to the question 'is anyone here with you?,’ and ‘who to call in case of a problem?,’ 'no one' was my reply, as always, with which I was 1000000000000% at peace.  I hate resouces going in my direction… the purpose of my life is to get Loving resources flowing to my Neediest Family for Chists sak!  I was asked the same questions, and gave the same reply when I was in final prep, just seconds  before being sedated and put under for this 3 hour operation.  'No one,' and 'no,’ answers that are such a non issue to me, so habitual for so many years now… I gave them no thought whatsoever.

Three hours later, after what seemed like 30 minutes tops to me, I was in recovery waking up, "Your ex-wife (I hate the term) Cathy is here when you are up to see her."  I'm having trouble seeing the screen, and typing, as the sobs of wonder, Joy, amazement, warmth... come back to me, many hours later, as I type this to you.  I don't recall ever, ever, ever being so overwhelmed with such a Loving act, incomprehensible… Divine.

'I wasn't sure you would be 'ok' with me coming, she said, but I needed to be here, and if upon seeing you you wanted me to leave... I was 100% prepared for that... but I needed to be here.'(and return on the six hour round trip drive).

If you are honest, Truthful, and that costs you friends and family, then what you are left with is your only True friends and family, if you ever had any to begin with. This has been my experience, without exception, and with each that has fallen away I feel lighter, faster, more healthy, less drained... with more energy for Loving. Note: 1. One can never lose True friends and family, right? 2. It makes me sad that we are not ALL Friends, Family... every creature. Deeply sad. But this is less and less the case in this deathly culture. The saving grace for me is refusing to not be a Friend TO every creature, as best as my limited means and abilities allow.

If you are honest, Truthful, and that costs you friends and family, then what you are left with is your only True friends and family, if you ever had any to begin with.  This has been my experience, without exception, and with each that has fallen away I feel lighter, faster, more healthy, less drained... with more energy for Loving. Note: 1. One can never lose True friends and family, right? 2. It makes me sad that we are not ALL Friends, Family... every creature. Deeply sad. But this is less and less the case in this deathly culture. The saving grace for me is refusing to not be a Friend TO every creature, as best as my limited means and abilities allow.

click for detail. A well-intended person on FB to me based on recent posts: "When you get bitter you start to sound like them. George Bush said "if your not for us then your against us. Not so, it was only a question, if you wish to un friend me then so be it, You may need friends some time." My reply: "To YOU (and maybe to most) I sound 'bitter.' To YOU (and maybe to near all) I sound 'like them.' I'm ok with that from you, from the masses, David. Also, Friendship can't be won or lost. Friendship, the real thing, which is the ONLY Friendship I recognize or value, is unconditional. And I want ZERO Friendship for me. I only want it for the global neediest, and like the masses of westerners, in your Head David I think you see them, but not in the All Important Heart, based on the day to day activity I see from you. Just bein honest, and of course I could be wrong. Solidarity, complete lived solidarity is what you get when the Heart is involved, and I don't see that in your day to day activity, nor in hardly anyone, which is why everything is going to hell; and why I'm viewed by most in the way you say. No credit to me I AM in Solidarity with the neediest and that is totally incomprehensible to nearly 100% of those that consider themselves activists." Oh, and regarding Bitter? OUTRAGED!!!! HORRIFIED!!!! FURIOUS!!!! 500 OF MY CHILDREN 1500 OF MY FAMILY... WERE SHREADED WITH US ANTI-PERSONEL BOMBS WITHIN THE LAST 3 MONTHS FOR BEING PALESTINIAN!!!!!!!!!! I DON'T HAVE F'ING TIME TO BE BITTER!!!!!! I HATE WHAT IS BEING DONE WITH EVERY ATOM IN MY BODY!!!!!! I'LL FIGHT IT UNVIOLENTLY, OUT OF LOVE, WITH MY LAST BREATH. Heart

A well-intended person on FB to me based on recent posts:  "When you get bitter you start to sound like them. George Bush said "if your not for us then your against us. Not so, it was only a question, if you wish to un friend me then so be it, You may need friends some time."  My reply:  "To YOU (and maybe to most) I sound 'bitter.'  To YOU (and maybe to near all) I sound 'like them.'  I'm ok with that from you, from the masses, friend. Also, Friendship can't be won or lost.   Friendship, the real thing, which is the ONLY Friendship I recognize or value, is unconditional.  And I want ZERO Friendship for me. I only want it for the global neediest, and like the masses of westerners, in your Head, friend, I think you see them, but not in the All Important Heart, based on the day to day activity I see from you.  Just bein honest, and of course I could be wrong.  Solidarity, complete lived solidarity is what you get when the Heart is involved, and I don't see that in your day to day activity, nor in hardly anyone, which is why everything is going to hell; and why I'm viewed by most in the way you say.  No credit to me I AM in Solidarity with the neediest and that is totally incomprehensible to nearly 100% of those that consider themselves activists." 

KG:  Now how can one not be bitter at times? How can one not be angry?
We all see the injustice in the world , the pain endured by our human family and the rape of our Mother Earth!
That 'bitter' feeling, that fire in your belly is what drives activism and promotes change!
Hell yes the emotion has purpose and everyone should feel it from time to time! To be driven by it !
As far as sounding like 'them' ... Take a step back on this.... We are all in the same boat it that us and them crap that draws lines . Lines between a front that should be united. The human family front!
Maybe you judge James because you don't fully understand him and the war we wages , the vigilant man of love and peace.
He calls a spade a spade and fights for truth.... Raising awareness ! Facebook is a but one tool used to reach out to educate.
Judge him only if you are willing to do as he , sleep in his bed, walk in his shoes and feel as he feels..... Other then that.... Easy to be a onlooker harder to actually do the job.
James is there because all of us need h

ME: Heart. The person who commented to me was well intended, and of course, could be correct, tho I think not. It surely was NOT a personal attack, it was sent out of concern. I respect and value that.

KG:  I just think in those moments... Concern for you and your actions ... One should step back and take in the whole picture ....
Maybe not just seeing a man sounding bitter but what that man actually does and why. The understanding if that ... Well , it kinda changes everything !

ME: Bitter? OUTRAGED!!!! HORRIFIED!!!! FURIOUS!!!! 500 OF MY CHILDREN 1500 OF MY FAMILY... WERE SHREADED WITH US ANTI-PERSONEL BOMBS WITHIN THE LAST 3 MONTHS FOR BEING PALESTINIAN!!!!!!!!!! I DON'T HAVE F'ING TIME TO BE BITTER!!!!!! I HATE WHAT IS BEING DONE WITH EVERY ATOM IN MY BODY!!!!!! I'LL FIGHT IT UNVIOLENTLY, OUT OF LOVE, WITH MY LAST BREATH. Heart.

KG:  Now that's what I'm talking about!!!!! We all should feel this way! We all need to feel this way and maybe if more did this evil would change!

ME:  I think so tooo. As I say often, 'I am NOTHING! Living with the Soul/Heart, not Head and Flesh, in charge... now THAT is SOMETHING!' Everything, really.  Heart.     

Loving: I choose being friendless over not being a friend. Friends care enough to learn the Truths we need to know, and to say the Truths we don’t want to hear. I’ll never be less of a friend than that.

We'll see whether everyone is aware of this, in the 2014 House Election.

Loving never needs anyone or anything to fight for less suffering, more joy, in the world.  That’s what Loving does, with every breath given.

But to fight Effectively, with Amplitude, with Duration, that’s different. Those depend on the Support, Friendship, Loving of others, for the Work.

With Wonder, and Appreciation, to such Loving, such Friendship, such Support for the Work...

Loving

vlog 'Delbert, homeless man, among the best friends to me, in my life.' Loving

nd 'Jesus, to devote 100% as Friend TO ALL, was friends WITH... NO ONE. It's simply a matter of soooooo much suffering, soooooo little time. Me too.' Loving

nd 'Jesus, to devote 100% as Friend TO ALL, was friends WITH... NO ONE. It's simply a matter of soooooo much suffering, soooooo little time.  Me too.' Loving