To any considering suicide: I haven't liked being alive for....

To any considering suicide: I haven't liked being alive for many many years. I find this world hell, all the nastiness, selfishness, cruelty, denial, hoarding, hatefulness.... And I have a hunch that those with the most enviable, joyful, lives in my eyes throughout history may have felt much the same. Jesus, Bonhoeffer, Tolstoy, Buddha, Schweitzer, Lsgiabeing.com... Jesus said unless you hate your life in this world you cannot be my disciple. If you love your life in this world, he said, you will lose it. And I think he meant you will lose your joyful life. But he went on to say if you hate your life in this world you will gain it, and I think he meant your joyful life. And the joyful life is to live under the control of our highest potentialities, our highest moral potentialities toward others and our self, the place inside ourselves that seems like our creator, I believe it's a feature of our nervous system, but with work, if we knock, if we seek it, some of us can find it, personify it, empower it, and find that we adore it. I have. And I put my life under its control, what do you want me to do, I ask it? I don't get any words in reply, but I get a sense of direction. In fact recently I've learned to live as many breaths per day as I can asking myself, how can I make my Creator Laugh at My pitiful attempts to do good in the world? The world is writhing in pain, people are writhing in pain, me included, they need help, they need someone to try and help. If you are like me you may feel you can't do any good, you can't make a difference. That's how I feel. But all my Creator says is, try. And each breath that I do I'm given the reward of joy. That's how it works for me. Maybe you would find it the same. Enter into the joy of the lord, Jesus said. Hugs. James