About my nightly consumption of alcohol. Central to my work these last 20 years has been trying to understand the joyful path in a catatonically sick culture. I have believed there is one, I have spent almost all of my time on that path but occasionally I have lost it particularly as the world descends deeper into evil. For a host of reasons, by the end of Standing Rock last February, I saw that there was no hope of saving major populations on Earth. To my surprise I chose to face five years in prison by staying because....

Central to my work these last 20 years has been trying to understand the joyful path in a catatonically sick culture. I have believed there is one, I have spent almost all of my time on that path but occasionally I have lost it particularly as the world descends deeper into evil. For a host of reasons, by the end of Standing Rock last February, I saw that there was no hope of saving major populations on Earth. To my surprise I chose to face five years in prison by staying because...... I learned that I could make such a stand for my notion of what is good where prior I could only do so with the notion that there was some prayer it might help someone in need. This was a huge step for me for which I'm very grateful.. prior to that I had been devoting my life to standing with the most oppressed and brutalized populations but each time I had at least some  tiny shred of Hope  of helping those neediest. But the large hole in my life since losing all hope a year ago, the hole represented by the alcohol I've been consuming each evening, was new and associated with the lack of hoping that I could help anyone on Earth substantially. It continues to be that the notion of standing with what is good largely sustains me but still this relatively new hole. Possibly a glimmer today of what was missing. Renewal of a thought that I've had before but has moved out of my life and now may be moving back in. The people Downstream, and there will be survivors of the political moral material Holocaust that is unfolding. Living for them, trying to understand how I would instruct them, what messages I will try and send forward in a bottle, NBA example of how in fruits to live joy in the midst of hopelessness that I want to give them, that they might find joy in an unimaginably tortured world.