Massive emergency repairs required. The trouble began last night and continued for many hours. Not a.....

Massive emergency repairs required. The trouble began last night and continued for many hours. Not a..... problem this time with this miraculous mechanical machine, but with the bio machine operating it. Recently I've mentioned how my meditation and prayer life have gone by the wayside for the demands of this mission for many many weeks or months now. Last night in a paid for $21 spot in a Fairground created a space I've not had for a long time, complete control of my time in the morning. I think that's what my nervous system sensed and said, f*** it man, you're going to give me some attention and some much-needed repair. If showered me with an anxiety storm that lasted for many hours. It took three or four hours of attempted meditation to get back in control of my mind. We attach all sorts of stigma to what I've just written, don't we? That's ridiculous. We are extremely complex organisms and when placed under dire demand we need work to maintain them. By 10:30 this morning, although disappointed that departing at 4:30 for strategic points didn't happen, I felt much stronger for all the work. An alternative explanation for the anxiety storm that raged in me for many hours is that in going to Triple doses of Imodium for control of my cancer related diarrhea may have a psychological side effect. I have not researched that. I have not gone to Triple doses likely but with 1/3 less colon than I was born with and being on the road all the time I have needed to go to Triple doses to try and get things under control. I don't know if that will work. And no longer having any medical support, no doctor, don't have access to the stronger medications that are available.