***** SPDF Day 33 vlog: Why play chicken with death , or worse?

Gandhi was adamant and explicit that he was just scratching the surface of the practice, perfection, expression of nonviolent action.
So I'll not apologize for my own self recognized inadequacy in expressing, let alone fully grasping, my own attempts at radically powerful, utterly transformative, world direction changing....  If only in the attempt, efforts.

And let me be explicit on this last point.  No part of me is interested in being a band aid, a slight dragon on, the extermination of the Palestinians, the elimination of the final shreds of democracy in the United States, or the end of all livable life on earth.  I'm not interested in 'doing something about' these issues.  I'm interested in stopping these atrocities, or failing spectacularly in the attempt as is of course profoundly likely.

I have no respect for the efforts of me or anyone to confront these issues.  I disrespect that.  I profoundly disrespect that.  I see it as profound cowardice.  If your child is dying and only an impossible miracle can save your child, I have nothing but the profoundest disrespect for the efforts of the parent that 'tries to do something' rather than devotes their very being to trying to be the miracle.  And so I feel about my efforts, and those everyone else above the age of 12, in the face of these three unfolding Armageddon's that I frequently mention.

As I've spoken before, and as I will continue to speak, each time trying to better understand, and better articulate, what has me in its grasp...  Why this playing chicken with death that I am now in the midst of being past 30 days of no food, and thereby passing the time threshhold when physical death, permanent mental impairment, blindness and such things become a physical potentiality?

Why playing chicken with death as I am?  Well, I am not 'playing' anything.

I am waging every breath, every be of my heart, to beat all three of these impending Armageddon's. And that's impossible, and that has never been done, and no one has tried, and no one is trying, so I'm on my own to plan, strategize, analyze, attempt, invent, articulate....

Early in this death fast I wrote a centrally important post, must read, on the law of social change, which is the law of suffering, which is the law of paying a high enough price.  If I had $1,000,000,000,000 it would not be enough to stop all three, or even one, of these impending Armageddons.

I do not have $1,000,000,000,000.  I do not have $1000.  I have no care about either because they are irrelevant to what is needed.

What I do have is that which is of ultimate value among the few human beings that are alive, the ultimate value, a human life, my own human life.  This is what Gandhi recognized in himself and others as the ultimate value to be wielded for goal.  This is what Martin Luther King Jr. recognized as the ultimate value that if wielded intelligently, boldly, aggressively, with consummate generosity, with total courage... could buy a substantial if not huge change in world, or at least national, direction.

What I'm doing is nothing more or less than what these greatest among us have attempted before.  I have studied, and I study, with every fiber of my being, their examples, their lessons, their spirits, their essence, to attempt to incorporate in myself and in my efforts every drop of wisdom, of value, that is to be derived from their prior efforts, and dozens of those like them throughout history.

I am profoundly accountable for the constructive use of the life I have been given for the service of humanity.  It would be practically impossible for me to take that responsibility more seriously than I do.  I experience my life as a sacred trust I have been given to be used purely in the service of humanity.  And I feel the profoundest joy and realizing that's the only reason I have that life.

I could not take that responsibility more seriously.  I totally understand that that means that in the face of three of the greatest calamities ever faced by the human species, that means that if I am being conservative, if I'm being cautious, if I'm being careful, if I'm being timid, if I'm being self protective...  I have already desecrated that sacred life that I have been given, and all of humanity that I was placed here to serve, just as you were placed here to serve all of humanity.

If I were interested in cars as I was as a sick individual in this culture through my forties; if I saw an automobile that set me afire with lust; lusting to possess that car, and I had access to the tens and tens of thousands of dollars that it would require to purchase that car, and maybe it was the only car of its type that would be available for many many months, I might figuratively yearn with all of my being that  I could get immediate access those funds of mine, fast enough, and deliver them quickly enough, and favorably enough, then I could secure that car. On smaller or larger scales this would be deemed profoundly normal and appropriate and even admirable behavior in our sickest of all cultures.

Well, that is the desperation that I feel in my attempts to parlay my life, in whatever most intelligent form of delivery I can conceive from instant to instant, based on changing circumstances that I monitor instant by instant every waking breath.  That is the same desperation I feel in delivering my life in the way that will best confront and thwart the three looming Armageddon's.

What I am attempting to do should be so easy to understand.  It is so easy to understand for me that it is hard for me to imagine any other way.  But I wasn't always of this mind.  I was raised to survive and thrive in the Matrix, not outside of it, as I've been these last 10 years or so; well, really, for all of my life, but explicitly these last 10-15 years.

It is obvious based on my total isolation and solitude in my activist work, and never as much as in this final campaign, that no one understands what I'm doing.  Yes, no one understands what I'm doing, because were there wiser than I, who understood what I was doing, and perceived that it was a suboptimal way of pursuing the goals I am pursuing, they would have the kindness and compassion and humanity to speak to me from that obvious depth of understanding that they had and to attempt to show me the error of my ways.

 And it no time in the last 10 years of my devoted activism has anyone, ever, at anytime, even approached doing that.