We are not emotionally together now, we're emotionally separated now, and we were never spiritually joined. True spiritual joining is so rare in this sick culture of ours, practically never happens, one in a million.
As I think of those of you who have been in proximity to my life no discredit to me, no discredit to you, we were never spiritually together except for maybe a moment here or a moment there in just one maybe three of the cases I can think of (with the exception of my Dad with whom I was intimately, and only, Spiritually United)..
It's not your fault. It's not my fault.
I worship, I revere, I adore the truth no matter how painful it might be in the same way any drowning person reveres firm land coming under their feet. That firm land makes Life possible, without it, only drowning is possible. We are taught to tolerate and even find pleasure in drowning. I never learned that lesson. When I'm not standing on, when I don't understand, when I'm not grasped by the truth, I experience myself as drowning and in entire misery.
This Stop Palestines Death Fast campaign I am on has produced a final separation with maybe all of you. One in particular, the person who I have loved above all, has finally manifest her separation from me totally, frigidly, sharply, finally, absolutely, Truly. I view this with a sense of relief, gratitude, Joy... all of these separations, simply because the manifest the underlying truth that I think we all must have realized was there. All of you to whom I am referring, to some degree we wanted to be spiritually together, to some degree we wanted to be in relationship, and to some degree you and certainly I realized that spiritual unity was not the Truth for us.
Several days ago I vlogged, wrote that for the first time I am recalling that I had extremely sharp eyes for spotting people that belonged on extreme performance teams that I needed to establish, and to spot those who did not belong on those teams. And that as expert I was at that I admitted that I have been that much of a failure at spotting other relationships that should be or not the in my life, that could or, in the vast or total majority, could not work.
That same insight of just several days ago applies to what I am sharing here. All of you who have been in some proximity to me, I can see now, using the eyes that I now know to select, I concede now that we had a mutual desire and affection, but that it never could have been; I see that totally, so clearly, now. We are not destined to be on the same teams, on the same missions, devoted to the same goals. I am a profoundly different species of human, sort of. You are the profoundly different species from me. You are the near total majority. I the near entire outsider, foreigner, alien. You are of society. I am devoted to heal it.
No discredit to me. No discredit to you. No credit to me. No credit to you.
I find this comforting, comforting with respect to my future, comforting with respect to feeling less clueless, less of a failure but that's not a problem with me. But less of a failure in that I see that what I wanted so much, spiritual unity, was not a failure of my efforts, but a failure of my initial and ongoing perception, vision of what was possible, which is now being radically corrected. And surely I don't see it as a failure on your part anymore than on mine. Round pegs don't fit square holes, and versa visa.
My loving of you all is unconditional. It is neither increased nor diminished by these insights of recent days. My Loving of you is infinite.
What separates us exactly is the capacity for a life of unconditional loving.
Whatever life I have left will be devoted to being unconditional loving for the possibility of thereby, and only in the way, spreading unconditional loving by example to you and others.
Yes. Of course. The odds are that I will continue to totally, profoundly, absolutely, pitifully fail. But I'll not fail to try, with my every breath.
No comments:
Post a Comment