Loving, here. Considered suicide, last night. 100% out of the question for me, regrettably.

[Spoiler alert: within moments it came absolutely clear to me, to my personal regret, that suicide is 100% out of the question for me].

I've been very open with you over the years. Why wouldn't I share this with you?  I think it would be very wrong of me to not, on many levels.  It is something others go through, it should be talked about, or at least, shared.

This is NOT a cry for help. 
1.  Suicide is totally out of the question for me. I saw that within minutes. Regrettably. 
2.  No one can help me through this.  Like a rescuer of children, during the Holocaust, this is something I must work through, and solve, myself, the internal psychological, spiritual war, and the external, pragmatic implementation and execution plans.

I lay awake last night for at least 6 hours before being able to sleep - 9pm until at least 3am.  This is partly due to the chemo, I think, partly sinus issues, partly permanent changes in my sleep patterns I've not yet figured out, partly the abject terror I feel for myself, for all of creation in the face of 2, not one, unfolding Armageddons - Ecocide and US/global economic Fascism; and a 3rd, personal, armageddon for me - the prospect of another 10-20 years of solitude, extreme vulnerability, etc. Ugh. Shudder.

It is that last one, to do with abject terror, that had me consider, seriously, for a few moments, whether suicide, at some future date, might be the answer for my agony of terror. 

Within recent weeks, my life has 100% imploded, in as much as, for me, 'Life' is living out one's world view, especially in terms of how to serve the neediest of Creation.  It imploded with my total and complete abandonment of any and all hope that my fellow humans would rise to the occasion to avert these two Armageddons unfolding before our eyes at terrifying speed.  I have the intellectual, experiential, let alone moral right, to abandon all hope, because more than one in a million I've been devoting my very being to averting them - ecocide by global warming for 5 years with my every breath, and for the last 6 months, Fascism (tho it is just recently that I've come to see it as Fascism replacing Democracy, in truth, tho not in name).

So, my life of the last 15 years - attempting to spark a mass salvation of human future, is no more.  My being, of the last 15 years, is no more.  That's a pretty big thing to deal with!  All of my life's decisions (economic, living on the street, isolation, tattoos, destitution...)have made sense in view of my goals, my attempts, and now, they are behind me, forever. That's kind of a pretty big shock to the system, the understatement of the millennium. 

My Soul, Heart, and mind work like this - they spin out way ahead of me crunching input that I've been cramming in, but crunching it way out of my control - and then they spit out impressions - and the one that hit me quickly last night, particularly sparked with the thought of suicide (sleeping pills or something) was recollections of the contents of one of the most awe-inspiring books I've ever read (several times), "Courage and Conscience," by psychologist Eva Fogleman, on non-Jewish rescuers during the Holocaust. Breathtaking humanity.  Unimaginable.  THEY LIVED UNIMAGINABLE TERROR (personal, and for others), I instantly recalled.  Maybe they personally considered suicide to end their personal terror (unimaginable terror).  But instantly they too would realize that this relief was out of the question for them, because there were people that needed their attempts at saving, not the masses, but the few, or the one.

It further hit me that some of them, tho this is pure speculation on my part, devoted earlier years, maniacally, trying to stop the 3rd Reich in its infancy, and like I, realized at some point, that the dream of that happening imploded before their eyes, and probably not to the eyes of others they knew.  The early fighters to prevent 3rd Reich domination, and then, to affect rescue when it was too late to stop, were in both cases, the one in a million weirdos.  Isolated.  Alone.

This is just how I feel today as I type this, and I do not expect it to change.  I don't see how I can live with this terror, hour in, hour out, for myself, for US democracy, for all but the middle-and upper classes economically, for all of creation.  Sheer terror - no jobs, throw away people to the powers that be; abandoned as soon as prudent, controlled as brutally as is desired by their police forces... masses that have become too inconvenient, by the middle class corporatocracy and their masters.  Hunger Games, here, now.  Elysium, here, now.  I see it, plain as day. Living nightmare.

And I would end it for myself; it is no life living with such terror - crushing. Crushing.  But it IS life attempting to rescue the few that realize they need to be rescued (just the smallest of fraction of Jews in Germany came out of their denial enough to see that they and their loved ones needed rescue, desperately.)

Over time, my personal, sheer, terror of a another 10 - 20 years isolation, solitude, working along, in physical destitution, more and more a vulnerable target of the Fascist police force as insane, snowballing income inequality in the US manifests its utter barbarity... will be pushed to the background as I learn to conceptualize, internalize, and again make central to my life the terror I already feel for my fellow human beings, and fellow creatures: Where can the lucky few escape to - off-empire?  How to help babies escape by helping their parent's see the abject cruelty in having babies in such a time: 'woe to the mother with child in the end times...,' Jesus was speaking of the impeding destruction of the Jewish peoples... and of today, globally.

If you've read this far, please, if you do anything further with it, ponder it deeply, not as my story, but as the story of a serious human being, a minor prophet, maybe.  Please, do not ignore me on this point. 

It is NOT important as my personal story.  In that sense, it is for me to work out. I'll work it out, tho it is the most daunting task of my lifetime.  Please, do not ignore me on this point.

If you, understandably, find you ignore my admonition on these last two points, please be understanding if any reply is not as gentle, or understanding, as you might otherwise expect.  I'm a soldier, at war. It ain't easy.  It can't be made easy. I'm at the early stages of becoming a Holocaust rescuer.  It can't be made easy.

I suspect it will shortly, (last chemo session Monday), have me living back on the ever more hostile, dangerous, fascist streets of DC, back in front of the Canadian Embassy, maintaining a vigil marking the murder of creation, and advocating for parents to not have babies; all the while studying escape routes for those looking to live off-empire, blogging, etc.

Thanks for sharing this journey with me, as much as you have.  Don't let it hurt, or overwhelm you. I don't need more folks to worry about than I already have.

Oh, if you have any question as to the source, nature, and or intensity of my terror, these will help you, if anything can. They are 95% or better in line with the current, mainstream science and economic consensus, a distillation of what I've been studying with scholarly rigor for years:

3 min:  "We've passed the 59th minute."

10 min:  THE LAST HOURS

WELL WORTH IT 2 hour plus documentary:  vid. End of Empire, Civ, Life.

Titanic is sinking. detail. Robert Reich, Especially puke-in-your-mouth terrifying: "But all the GOP has to do to win a Senate majority next fall is pick up a net six seats. Democrats have to defend many more seats than Republicans, including in seven states Obama lost in 2012. Which is why it's particularly worrisome that “Americans for Prosperity,” the political front group financed by billionaires Charles and David Koch, has already spent a whopping $22 million on TV ads using Obamacare's botched roll-out to attack vulnerable Senate Democrats – and causing those Democrats’ approval ratings to plummet."

Start Loving

Especially puke-in-your-mouth terrifying: "But all the GOP has to do to win a Senate majority next fall is pick up a net six seats. Democrats have to defend many more seats than Republicans, including in seven states Obama lost in 2012. Which is why it's particularly worrisome that “Americans for Prosperity,” the political front group financed by billionaires Charles and David Koch, has already spent a whopping $22 million on TV ads using Obamacare's botched roll-out to attack vulnerable Senate Democrats – and causing those Democrats’ approval ratings to plummet." Titanic is sinking.

Robert Reich

CLASS WARFARE. Democrats aren’t perfect but it’s the Republicans who are mounting a war against the poor and working class – opposing extended benefits for the long-term unemployed, fighting an increase in the minimum wage, rejecting any expansion of Medicaid, opposing investments in education and job-training, rejecting any jobs program, busting unions, and seeking repeal of the Affordable Care Act. But all the GOP has to do to win a Senate majority next fall is pick up a net six seats. Democrats have to defend many more seats than Republicans, including in seven states Obama lost in 2012. Which is why it's particularly worrisome that “Americans for Prosperity,” the political front group financed by billionaires Charles and David Koch, has already spent a whopping $22 million on TV ads using Obamacare's botched roll-out to attack vulnerable Senate Democrats – and causing those Democrats’ approval ratings to plummet. AFP has become the biggest outside group in the upcoming elections. Yet that $22 million is barely a rounding error for the Koch brothers, each of whom has a net worth of $36 billion, according to Forbes (they're tied for fourth on the magazine's list of the 400 richest people in America). At this rate they can buy Republican control of the Senate for chump change. This is class warfare with a vengeance. Don’t sit there. Get involved, now.

8-year-old boy rescues 6 relatives from fire, dies trying to save 7th. cnn.com

Start Loving

Loving.

8-year-old boy rescues 6 relatives from fire, dies trying to save 7th

cnn.com

An 8-year-old boy, Tyler Doohan, was killed in a mobile-home fire in upstate New York early Monday while attempting to rescue his disabled grandfather inside.

***** Loving's dialog with a dear, Wash, DC, Parent

[Note: some will have found this post from this graphic -


[Note to a dear friend, an accomplished, impactful writer, in the DC area,
who has been a dear friend these last several years - this friend and
the friend's young family.]

My gauge of you is as an extraordinarily good, loving, responsible,courageous... parent and spouse.  As such, I believe you would
have the desire, and strength, to want to see any harm coming in their
direction, sooner, rather than later.  I have so wanted, in the case
of those for whom I care.

Such a parent, and spouse, would want to
see these, links below. Based on my lifelong background of sifting through
the minds and ideas of leading edge scientists in industry... and my 5 years
dedication to understanding global warming, ALL, links below, are from the standpoint
of the leading edge, MAIN STREAM scientists, these (below) ARE the
mainstream scientific and economic projections.  Nothing the least
bit 'fringe' about them from the standpoint of the main stream
scientists, 97% of them.  (100% fringe from the standpoint of Fox News,
the right wing media, and the fossil fuel $1b per year (recent main stream
articles) misinformation machine.)

And the one direction of their views, year in, year out, year
by year, for the last 30-40 years, is that any current year's data says
that their prior year projections of horror were, uh, too, way, way, WAY too
conservative.  This never changes, year in, year out.  Even the scientists
are subject to internal denial of the facts, science, and the implications.
It is overwhelmingly bleak, and terrifying:

3 min or so.  Dr. David Suzuki, Canada's equivalent of Bill Nye the science guy, tho more scholarly -

http://jesusgodgoodetcnjay.blogspot.com/2013/12/just-stop-watch-share-decide-david.html

10 min - very good, 2014 synopsis: 
http://jesusgodgoodetcnjay.blogspot.com/2013/12/last-hours-vid-10-min.html

2 hour more in depth, what my 1000's of hours of main-stream research
confirms (2007, but very much correct on all the main points), and 99.9999% more
than all but 1 in a million citizens understand about where we are:
http://jesusgodgoodetcnjay.blogspot.com/2014/01/life-ending-on-earth-life-at-end-of.html

Scholarly papers -

Well footnoted to main-stream science, tho the author has taken a more courageous,
honest, more forthright take on the implications of the science than most others have
to date:
http://www.motherjones.com/environment/2013/12/climate-scientist-environment-apocalypse-human-extinction

Gold Standard Scientific Position, 12.03.13, Nasa's James Hansen, et al:
http://www.columbia.edu/~jeh1/mailings/2013/20131202_PopularSciencePlosOneE.pdf

What these articles and videos above do not cover, is the other Armageddon unfolding,
global fascism, police state, the end of democracy in America (Bill Moyers) Here, here, here, here.

Now, hold on for just a second before you decide I'm a loon.  This below is main stream headlines
the last few days.  Now, if 85 rich owning 1/2 the world, and the top 2% owning
virtually all of it, if this is not Fascism, the rich owning everything,
the rich (their money and power) 'owning' the
government officials, then, well, hmm, it IS Global Fascism, by whatever name or guise.  These people don't
own the 50% because they have good intent; and it requires no 'conspiracy' theory; it is
only to say that 85, or 10,000 people with that much $$$,
near all the rest of us with any power (gov officials) are going
to be sure not to threaten, and to curry favor with, these people.  Not one in a million
of us would risk family, education, job, status, comfort... by not pursuing
the money and favor of such money.  Let's be real:

The World's 85 Richest Now Worth as Much as 3.5 Billion PoorestBusinessweek
85 richest people own as much as bottom half of population, report ...Opinion-Los Angeles Time

One Stat to Destroy Your Faith in Humanity: The World's 85 Richest ...TIME

World's 85 richest have as much money as 3.5billion poorest people ...Daily Mail

World's richest have same wealth as 3.5 billion poorestCNBC.com

Richest 1% own nearly half of world's wealthUSA TODAY

World's richest 85 people have as much as bottom half the population

McClatchy Washington Bureau

etc....

The point?  Armageddon, 2x, is unfolding before the eyes of every parent in
America - 
1x Armageddon: Earth may only be habitable for another few generations, convulsions
beginning immediately; and the
2x Armageddon: Demise of Democracy in America, and the unfolding of 
Global Fascism, a 4th Reich, tho unnamed, is unfolding before the
parent's eyes. It will be one life for the top 1-10% (the owners and their corpratocracy),
and another life entirely, rapidly becoming more bleak, for the rest, the expendables.

For the 'rest,' I'll spend the rest of my life sentence doing what I can to help.
More here, and unfolding here over time.

For many more years to come, most parents will not find the Loving to come out
of their comfortable denial.  But some will find the Courage, the Loving, and begin
to figure out how to help their children grow, and find Joy, and mitigation of suffering,
in this terrible, terrifying, convulsing, collapsing, violent, vicious, deadly, and soon dead, new world.  I'll do what little I can to help them.No need to reply to me. 

Your Loving brother forever, no matter what.

------- Addendum-------

Comment from a young, in college FB friend, MW (initial CRUCIAL dialog, HERE):
'Awesome. Thank you. So depressing. Seems hopeless.'

Loving:
'It is, materially, hopeless, ONLY because millions will not take the streets, unviolently, UNTIL THEY WIN A FUTURE FOR THEIR KID'S.  But some of the most joyful people ever to have walked the earth, will be the folks of your generation that carve out a loving life of mutual community and service, off grid, sustainable, outside of empire. Folks are doing it. Within weeks I'll be diving in to begin understanding, cataloging, sharing, following, and if I'm lucky, joining and helping such communities.'

-----FRIENDS, WHY DON'T YOU SHARE THIS POST. WHAT HAVE WE GOT TO LOSE?----

pic. Greenpeace (and the rest of the co2 activist Industry), If the co2 industry could own and direct you, what would they have you do differently? NOTHING. You are perfect for them. By leading activists to fight popular 'battles,' you keep them away from the ‘War’ that could end co2, Fee and Dividend, cutting off the head of the million tentacle hydra. And in a matter of months it becomes economically too late to do that - fee and dividend. You must know this. Just as short term greed blinds the co2 industry, so it blinds you. Your ‘business’ isn’t STOPPING ECOCIDE, IT’S GETTING donations. SICK.

Greenpeace (and the rest of the co2 activist
Industry),

If the co2 industry could own and direct you, what would they have you do differently? NOTHING.

You are perfect for them. By leading activists to fight popular 'battles,' you keep them away from the ‘War’ that could end co2, Fee and Dividend, cutting off the head of the million tentacle hydra. And in a matter of months it becomes
economically too late to do that - fee and dividend. You must know this.

Just as short term greed blinds the co2 industry, so it blinds you. Your ‘business’ isn’t  STOPPING ECOCIDE, IT’S GETTING donations. SICK.

***** Loving, here: It is time to begin ending ourself as a species, on our own terms vs the terms of Ecocide and Fascism. I'll spend the rest of my life sentence doing my part to help others find as much joy, and as much avoidance of suffering through this now certain Armageddon, as possible. Three elements I'm quite sure to be central to my work: 1. Living, and leading toward Living in a way that gives more life than it takes; 2. Advocating that folks stop having babies when Armageddon is their virtually certain future; 3. Knowledge, awareness, agreements for individual and mutually assisted suicide - The Fascist Forces, and Wars over scarce resources will be cruel, brutal, and ever-present.

 It is time to begin ending ourself as a species, on our own terms vs the terms of Ecocide and Fascism.  I'll spend the rest of my life sentence doing my part to help others find as much joy, and as much avoidance of suffering through this now certain Armageddon, as possible.  Three elements I'm quite sure to be central to my work:  
1. Living, and leading toward Living in a way that gives more life than it takes;  
2. Advocating that folks stop having babies when Armageddon is their virtually certain future;  
3. Knowledge, awareness, agreements for individual and mutually assisted suicide - The Fascist Forces, and Wars over scarce resources will be cruel, brutal, and ever-present.
Background documentary, here: http://jesusgodgoodetcnjay.blogspot.com/2014/01/life-ending-on-earth-life-at-end-of.html

***** A dear friend objected to my dismay at recreational sex...

Friend: 
I should think sex between consenting adults that doesn't produce more babies would be fine with you! (a comment that I, Loving, had made to another person).

L:
I do not rant about the issue of recreational sex, or recreational anything. But I have great sorrow that with 4 billion existing on $4 per day or less, we with the wherewithall to make the world better, we don't because of our sense of entitlement to squander our resources, time,energies... on our own entertainment, which we do with a sense of religious, self righteous, abandon, as I did most of my years - and that horrible misuse of my life and resources, gives me a sense of great smallness, small-heartedness, disconnection, self-centeredness, greed, inhumanity...; all of which I've finally chosen to replace with an infinitely more joyful, other-centered, non-recreational way of being, that I highly recommend, but never attempt to impose on others.

***** vid. Life ending on earth - Life at the End of Empire - Documentary, full. You aught to watch this. Slightly dated, but infinitely more relevant and scientifically accurate than 99.999% of the US or world population today has the slightest idea of.

You aught to watch this. Slightly dated, but infinitely more relevant and scientifically accurate than 99.999% of the US or world population.

Note: 
 It is time to begin ending ourself as a species, on our own terms vs the terms of Ecocide and Fascism.  I'll spend the rest of my life sentence doing my part to help others find as much joy, and as much avoidance of suffering through this now certain Armageddon, as possible.  Three elements I'm quite sure to be central to my work: 
1. Living, and leading toward Living in a way that gives more life than it takes; 
2. Advocating that folks stop having babies when Armageddon is their virtually certain future; 
3. Knowledge, awareness, agreements for individual and mutually assisted suicide - The Fascist Forces, and Wars over scarce resources will be cruel, brutal, and ever-present.

This is the world we've stood for. Insanity. Inhumanity. Doom. 85 richest people own as much as bottom half of population, report says latimes.com

Start Loving

This is the world we've stood for. Insanity. Inhumanity. Doom.

85 richest people own as much as bottom half of population, report says

latimes.com

The 85 richest people on Earth have the same amount of wealth as the bottom half of the population, according to a new report that highlights growing income inequality as political and business leaders gather for the annual World

***** pic. Dr. King, Rarely has history produced one as great as you. Creator bless your soul. But poverty was the wrong focus, as it suggests that enough ‘stuff’ in the prevailing materialistic culture is the answer to Life. It is not. By that measure Native Americans prior to Columbus were destitute. They may in fact have been the richest folks that humanity has ever produced. Meaningful life, Loving, Joy, must be the measure. “Life’s most persistant question is: what are you doing to help others.” MLK Jr. THAT’s it.

Dr. King,

Rarely has history produced one as great as you.  Creator bless your soul.

But poverty was the wrong focus, as it suggests that enough ‘stuff’ in the prevailing materialistic culture is the answer to Life.  It is not.

By that measure Native Americans prior to Columbus were destitute.  They may in fact have been the richest folks that humanity has ever produced.

Meaningful life, Loving, Joy, must be the measure. “Life’s most persistant question is:  what are you doing to help others.” MLK Jr. THAT’s it.

pic. "Never, never be afraid to do what's right, especially if the well-being of a person or animal is at stake. Society's punishments are small compared to the wounds we inflict on our soul when we look the other way." MLK Jr

Klear Ly liked this.

The Onyx and Breezy Foundation

We agree with Mr. King.

Oh f*ck. Here we go again. Pope Francis' new Spanish cardinal brands homosexuality a 'defect' that can be cure.

Pope Francis' new Spanish cardinal brands homosexuality a 'defect' that can be ...

The Independent

- ‎4 hours ago‎

Pope Francis' newly chosen Spanish cardinal calls homosexuality a 'defect'Raw Story

Gay people have 'sexual deficiency' Pope Francis's new cardinal provokes furyExpress.co.uk

See realtime coverage »

Study shows U.S. economy is failing as poverty level rises. northdallasgazette.com

Start Loving shared a link.

Study shows U.S. economy is failing as poverty level rises

northdallasgazette.com

“The State of the Union on Poverty and Inequality 2014,” experts examined labor markets, poverty, the safety net, and inequalities in income, wealth, health, and education.

pic. “The man who abandoned earth to death by co2 ecocide, because he didn’t declare all out unviolent war on co2, >1 deg C rise.” Pr. Obama, This is all you’ll be remembered for. Yes, we sheeple would have failed to do our part. But nothing can forgive your part.

“The man who abandoned earth to death by co2 ecocide, because he didn’t declare all out unviolent war on co2,  >1 deg C rise.”

Pr. Obama, This is all you’ll be remembered for. Yes, we sheeple would have failed to do our part. But nothing can forgive your part.

***** important pic. Start Loving

***** Loving, here. With history, and recent events, I have lost all faith in the American People. We are a fatal, cancerous, Plague, our anti-Christ, American Dream - stuff for me and mine; destitution, at best, for the rest. There is no cure. It has spread world-wide. Indigenous Americans, up to 100 million, were only the first to be exterminated by our dream. Our grand-children, great-grandchildren, will be among the last.

With history, and recent events, I have lost all faith in the American People.

We are a fatal, cancerous, Plague, our anti-Christ, American Dream - stuff for me and mine; destitution, at best, for the rest.  There is no cure. It has spread world-wide.

Indigenous Americans, up to 100 million, were only the first to be
exterminated by our dream.  Our grand-children, great-grandchildren, will be among the last.

***** An update on Loving (the guy). A reply to a note from my Dear JW Brother Joe

Never, until several months ago, have I found the
scripture about blessed is the woman without child, in the end of times,
never have I found it other than horrible.  But now, in recent months, it
makes perfect sense.

And your exposition in your email reply is very kind and helpful. I'm glad for the openness
of JW's on this - not having kids in this increasingly horrible, coming
to an end, world.

As to how I am feeling?  I'm in the pit of despair; sheer terror for all of us.
Deepest depression.  My world view is shattered, and my Very Life IS acting
from a whole, True, world view. 

LOL. Dearest JW brother, take no hope from this, as a kindly brother,
and JW, you would otherwise. Never will I believe in the Creator
as other than 'as if' She / He / It were more than a product of our imagination.  Never
will I believe it True that the Bible is more than books (there are many versions
by the thousands), written by 10's of thousands of fallible men, some Evil, some Godly. 

And, less than ever will I try to convince others of these views of mine because
the comfort that the beliefs such as yours, opposite mine, on this subject,
can bring to others, on the convulsively sinking Titanic, can be very, very
real, and I'm all for comforting others, at this point.

But no comfort for me of that sort will ever be possible.  I'm not opposed
to it, as much as I was. I'm incapable of it.  And I'm totally at peace with that.
It is NOT the Truth that I see, and I hold nothing higher than the Truth, as
I see it, moment to moment.

For at least several years now, I've believed that my Call was in both of two
directions -
1. Staving off co2 Armageddon, and
2. Preaching the scholarly,
historical Jesus teaching - Universal Family, Devotion to the Destitute,
being Of the Destitute - the creation of Heaven on Earth.

#1 seems finally, utterly destroyed for me - I can see the icebergs (global Corp
Fascism, Ecocide) and it is too late to turn the Titanic.  We're going down.
But, it will take several generations, maybe more, maybe less.

The Jesus I know from historical scholarship, and my own heart since a
young child, was about bringing Heaven to Earth, Joy, despite the material
hell that exists on earth, for most - by refusal to be anything but Godly -
Loving, Universal Family, Destitute With the Destitute - virtue IS it's own,
ultimate Reward.  It IS. 

So, with my view that Armageddon is on us, I expect, as I climb out in coming weeks from
under this crushing depression, to resume my study of the Scholarship
on Jesus, and the Birth of Christianity - I find that Dominick Crossan speaks
well enough for all the leading edge, main stream Jesus Scholarship.  Agonizingly
rigorous in his scholarship, but I plow through it all.

Jesus was destitute, among the destitute of the Eastern Mediterranean, being
ground to death, mercilessly, under the heal of the Roman Empire, and secondarily by the
elitist, un-Godly 'church' of the day, Judaism, fundamental subjugation of women,
and of children, and patronage.  He did not direct his own efforts,
or those of others at changing any of these institutions at large.  I'd say, he viewed them
as the Plague - incurable on the large scale, and not going away, and ultimately
extinguishing everything; which locally they did after 70 years, destroying the Jewish state; and
now as being completed on a global scale.

But the existence of these Plagues left the question -
Can one anyway live Heaven on Earth, Creator's Kingdom, on Earth, in this
life - Despite these Plagues?  And Jesus answer was a
resounding YES - BE UNIVERSAL FAMILY TO
THE DESTITUTE.  It was, and is, clear to me that if there is any way,  it is the
way the HISTORICAL Jesus saw, long before Paul, John, Mark, Luke... ever
added all the stuff they put in His mouth (some of it quite good), much of
it very Deadly.

On top of that, whether through visionary brilliance, good instinct, or good luck,
or some combination, there are thousands of people that have been pioneering
a life outside of the Evil Fascist Empire - off grid, sustainable living, intentional
community... and many other titles I don't even know yet.

I must learn about this.  I am a Visionary Leader, a Profit, tho as yet, a totally
impotent one, and I have no guess of this changing (either). But, that is what I am, and
I'm called to study and to some degree master, and see beyond, all the best thinking that relates
to the above.  I suspect I'll be starting a new blog as repository for what I learn,
as a way of sharing - Genesis Living, or something like that - Living that Gives
Life, vs what I was brought up to, Empire Living, that destroys life - cancer.

It will be life under sentence of the Plagues (fascism, ecocide), incurable, grim, but Joyful
I think is possible too.

Oh, and I think that central to my work will be advocating for "having no babies."
I expect that part of my work will call me back to a vigil in front of the poster boy
for man-made ecocide, the Canadian Embassy.  For now, at least, tho, I don't
expect that to be 24/7 as it was.  If I can save even one child from being born
into this earthly Hell we're finalizing, it would be worth my life.

There may be a barely tolerable homeless shelter
arrangement, where on a men's over 50 floor, I can secure a bunk bed and locker.
It is in the shelter where I've been in the Infirmary.  That way I can be a little more
protective of my physical life, one meal a day, fairly healthy, and protect the small
financial resource I can begin to access, when I want, Social Security.  I don't
want it for myself. I can't imagine spending it on myself.  But at some point
sooner, or later, I want it for some combination of:
1.  Supporting my biological offspring through these end time that I didn't see
I was bringing them into, but I did none the less;
2.  Supporting Genesis Living pioneers;
3.  Supporting friends that are already struggling too much with these end times.

I expect it to get much more dicey for we homeless, we destitute, in just a few
more years, even here in DC. Already our status is being criminalized around
the country - feeding us is being made illegal, rapidly; we're being bussed out
of states, thrown in prison, beaten to death by police....  And the shelter I mentioned
is on a prime bit of real estate and is likely to be closed and sold
to the elites within 4 years or less.  But for now, being there is my best guess. I
expect I'll try it.  If not, back on the streets.

I Live for Community, always have, and with a few, brief exceptions since I lived with my dad
as a kid, I've had none.  And I expect to die without any.  This hurts. Oh well.
It is what it is.  I do what people need of me, not what they Want of me. Consequently,
I am unWanted.  A price I'll always be willing to pay.

My Loving to you both