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JAMES' PERSONAL WRITINGS: SLOVING
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12.15.2014

detail. Surgery was a success. 3 hour operation began at 11am, I was... (detail click link)



Surgery was a success.  3 hour operation  began at 11am, I was waking in Recovery by 4:30pm and in my room by 6pm.  Little pain when I am stationary, huge pain if I cough (rarely occurring), they've prescribed pain meds that seem to manage that well, too.
Great, kind, compassionate, attentive, responsive, highly trained medical team.  Thanks to Obamacare it is available to me.  
Had one of the six  or so nicest surprises of my life today, that I can remember (so profoundly and deeply sorry to any of you that have been so deeply kind to me whose extreme kindness I may be forgetting at this moment, but I'm particularly overwhelmed by this one).   Please blame it on the pain narcotics they are pumping into me.
The five others, in no particular order: 
* 55year old Gerry and early 20’s John, in their suburban neighborhood, running hugely loud power tools on the lawn, till 2am... cutting me a hugely heavy  Cross... for me to walk with 200 miles to DC... to raise action to Save Darfur;
* Beverly nearly 'ripping the throat' out of a pastor she saw should try and rescue me from an extreme hike, while on hunger strike, ‘the most ‘Christian thing she’d every seen’) for the criminally disadvantaged children of Chester PA;
*  Dave and Mary Rachel bringing their new young son X from PA (where they work 7 days per week) to see me when I was living on the streets of DC so I could devote myself to averting global warming;
*  Cathy driving from PA, just moments before hurricane Sandy was to hit DC where I was living on the streets fighting Global Warming... to rip me off of them, to safety, braving the leadinng edge of Sandy all the way back to PA for me, with me; 
* My dad... for the 28 years or so before his death... standing by me, giving me everything he had to give... despite the near total, embarrasing, zero of a person I objectively was at that time....
Oh, I could go on with another 5, or more.  Most people never see such Love even once in their Lives... I've been criminally, entirely, undeservedly over-privileged in this (and every other ) way.  

[Side note: It is important, crucial... to periodically reflect such instances of Pure Loving in one's life, and or, such instances one knows of, even if in literature... for THIS is where we've seen God, the Creator, the Divine... Loving... and they must be the Star we steer by to be, become, and do the same... with every breath.]

The potential of my physical death has never been a concern for me, except as a provider to physical dependents (offspring, woman I was married to), and now, as a possibly consequential fighter for my Family in Palestine.  But personally, hey, you go to sleep, don't wake up, the ride, your 'turn,' is over.  What is the big deal?  So the tiny but real risk of death from any substantial surgery, such as mine this morning, was no concern to me. 

Cathy, my sister in Pennsylvania, to whom I was married for decades, offered, weeks ago, to come down, and I knew she wanted to, and it was from her heart I was sure... but I said the idea was ridiculous... bus picks up and drops me off literally at the curb... of the hospital and my homeless shelter... no, I said... too much time, too much money... too much carbon... zero point or need. And that was the end of it.  Didn't hear from her since... our lives are in near totally different directions.  
Signing in at the hospital this morning I gave Cathy’s  name and my friend Jim from VA, authorization to retreaive my stuff, in the uunlikely event I croaked  (with prior instructions to them that what meager 'stuff' I have go to the world's greatest activist Diane Wilson for her work)  But to the question 'is anyone here with you?,’ and ‘who to call in case of a problem?,’ 'no one' was my reply, as always, with which I was 1000000000000% at peace.  I hate resouces going in my direction… the purpose of my life is to get Loving resources flowing to my Neediest Family for Chists sak!  I was asked the same questions, and gave the same reply when I was in final prep, just seconds  before being sedated and put under for this 3 hour operation.  'No one,' and 'no,’ answers that are such a non issue to me, so habitual for so many years now… I gave them no thought whatsoever.
Three hours later, after what seemed like 30 minutes tops to me, I was in recovery waking up, "Your ex-wife (I hate the term) Cathy is here when you are up to see her."  I'm having trouble seeing the screen, and typing, as the sobs of wonder, Joy, amazement, warmth... come back to me, many hours later, as I type this to you.  I don't recall ever, ever, ever being so overwhelmed with such a Loving act, incomprehensible… Divine.

'I wasn't sure you would be 'ok' with me coming, she said, but I needed to be here, and if upon seeing you you wanted me to leave... I was 100% prepared for that... but I needed to be here.'(and return on the six hour round trip drive).

1 comment:

  1. Sharing from your heart, as always, you bring light into my life. Love you and praying for a comfortable quick healing. xo p

    ReplyDelete