***** details: The one thing my dad could not stand.... My dad was the strongest, wisest, bravest, smartest, most brilliant, most creative, most sensitive, most loving person I've ever known, or know of. Everything and anything I value in myself I can trace back to him. How he survived the massive disappointment I must have been to him I'll never begin to understand - makes me writhe in agony, and sob....

The one thing my dad could not stand....

My dad was the strongest, wisest, bravest, smartest, most brilliant, most creative, most sensitive, most loving, kind, patient, giving... person I've ever known, or known of, except for the man Jesus. Yup. Yup.  True.

Everything and anything I value in myself I can trace back to him.  How he survived the massive disappointment I must have been to him I'll never begin to understand - makes me writhe in agony, and sob at the thought.  But he never let on, even once....

He daily withstood work, pressure, stress, pain, fatigue that would kill 20 men, and did so, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, no vacations, golf on occasion, but only in his later years (and much in a desperate attempt to make something out of me), working 8am to 10pm, day in, day out, EVERY WEEKEND, to deliver for his loved ones.

There is no pain, no stress, no workload, no threat... he would not and did not bear for us with the stoicism, quiet, grace, focus... of Legend.

There was one thing he that near killed him, every time, that he could hardly bear - thinking he had hurt, or failed, one of us, or anyone, really.  He would all but kill himself to avoid it, and when he thought he had not avoided it, and had hurt one of us, as simple as stepping on a toe (that I don't recall him ever doing) the agony he felt would near kill him.  I could see him writhing in agony; exploding at himself in unspeakable rage. Makes me cry to think of his suffering for us.

This too I find in myself, but not to the degree.

The few fools that choose to come anywhere near me, I make it my business to be transparent to them, to try to let them see what they are getting into - traveling close to one that works to be an unviolent equivalent in every respect, of a Navy SEAL, of unviolence - the risk, intensity, danger, potential collateral damage, extremely likely personal destruction - SO THEY CAN QUICKLY FIND THE SANITY TO STAY AWAY.

I live in risk to myself, to fight for our global least of these, and to do so have paid every price cept for physical death, so far, for my global least of these my family, now especially, my next 200 billion kids.

BUT I AM ACUTELY AWARE OF THE LIKELIHOOD OF COLLATERAL DAMAGE FOR ANY AND ALL THAT FOOLISHLY COME NEAR ME. Do Navy SEALS invite their pals behind enemy lines, to come on missions????  Uh, I live behind enemy lines. My every breath is spent on a Mission.  Every beat of my heart.  This is why, for example, cept when FB has fooled me on occasion, I reach out, never, NEVER, to anyone to Friend me. I don't reach out. NEVER. Never will.

But when folks come close anyway, I am passionately, deliberately transparent, but I let them come close enough to get burned, quick and safe, which always, eventually, usually sooner than later, they do.  Never yet has anyone decided to stay close after that, not for long, anyway, except for my few Guardian Angels, especially Bev and Ger, and maybe K.  Maybe one or two others. Pac.  Alex.  Joe.  Too soon to tell.

BUT WHEN THEY GET BURNED, I MAKE IT MY BUSINESS TO NEVER ALLOW THEM TO GET HURT AGAIN BY ASSOCIATION WITH ME - I FULLY WITHDRAW, UNLESS, IN THE CASES OF MY GUARDIAN ANGELS, THEY STUPIDLY MAKE UNMISTAKABLY CLEAR, THAT THEY AIN'T GUNNA GO AWAY. (((((((HUGS AND AWE))))))).

IT IS NOT MY BUSINESS, IT IS NEVER MY PLACE, TO DRIVE ANYONE AWAY.

BUT I CAN'T STAND WHEN SOMEONE, OTHER THAN THE ANGELS, GET HURT, ON MY ACCOUNT, THAT 2ND TIME.

After the first burning, I withdraw, I let them go, in relief, feeling their pain.

And even the Angels. 

This will never lessen in me, only increase.