D323/18/3 'NO ALARM folks, just a head's up - I don't know how gracefully (not very) I'll shut down by Thursday, or tomorrow...
I just spoke to a couple that approached, broke the vow thoughtlessly, of silence - no biggie, but is a lapse that points to something bigger - I'm losing it - too much going on, I'm taking on too much logistically - have to let things go, so I can do the part that only I'm called to begin, now.
For Gandhi, fast, hunger strike, was itself a full time challenge - I'm better than He? I wish.
[Warning - wordy, very hastily worded, error prone post following - see my point? I'm way too stretched now....]
I'm still ok physically, and mentally, and Spiritually, but I'm wearing down,
and the BIG THING, I can't keep stretching between the two worlds -
The world of active living, creating, doing, blogging, uploading, posting, problem-solving (distributing my few posessions, tools, to the few warriors I see, and some true personal Friends) - and the Spiritual World and Work of Soul Force.
I can't stretch that far any longer. I must move into the final phase, and stop trying to do both - on to full-time Soul Force, mine, then to the Soul of others.
And, I can move on, and I will. If others step up just a little, it will work. I Love them either way. I've worked really hard to do every detail I could. You are never obligated by anything I do, but I will leave a vacuum, and I could leave a mess, but I've tried hard to make it as easy, neat and clean on those that remain, as I can. I've done my best, but I have to move to the final phase now.
There is a small circle that kindly will collect my few belongings, bequeathals, mostly tomorrow afternoon. I've had a repair situation with Dell, complicated, and that is close to resolved, but not quite. A small circle can coordinate, jump in and make it all happen, if they want. But pretty soon, hours now,, I just can't any more, regardless of what happens. I can't. Too much for me now. I have a different job, specific mission, that is demanding everything I am, everything I have to give, to do well, effectively, with Promise and Hope.
What am I saying? I can feel myself letting go of the 'normal' world, not in a destructive way - just physical and mental limits - secondarily as I degrade under the net-zero cal, fluids intake deficits, more so as I move to the biggest Spiritual Operation I've ever attempted, and frankly (you get to howl with laughter), the most important, biggest, most consequential Spiritual Operation undertaken since, well Jesus.
Yes, He was who He is, and I'm not. But that doesn't change the need. The need, well, He saw where we'd be, at the edge of the cliff, in 2000 YEARS, if we didn't awaken and put back in charge, our Soul.
OK, but I see that we now have 2000 HOURS, maybe, to awaken the Soul, the cold, dead, massively in affloholic denial Soul of enough American's - first a few pioneers, but then quickly some decent folks in the center, to radically stand, giving Pr. Obama the spark plug he REQUIRES to not only do his part, but more importantly, for it to prevail and survive through the mid-term elections, and 2016.
It is entirely doable, and NO ONE, VIRTUALLY NO ONE IS WAKING UP TO THE TOTAL LIFE DEDICATION, TOTAL PAYING THE PRICE, A HANDFUL OF US MUST DO, CAN DO, SHOULD YYYEEEAAARRRRNNNN TO DO, NOW.
No credit to me, I see it, I want it, more than my own life, 200 billion times, but Now I have to give just the Dying-for-it stage all of my attention to be the Soul Force that all Hope depends on.
Try to forgive me, or at least understand, my limits. Please.
You have no need to ask forgiveness. You are a human. A prophet, yes, but a human. And the human body, mind, soul can only bear so much in this existence.
ReplyDeleteYou are right that no one is waking up to the total life dedication, and for that am sorry. I want you to know that I won't forget you or what you are doing. I will continue fighting (maybe it is a half-assed fight, but fighting in my own way), and will keep you and your spirit in my thoughts and prayers. Stumbling upon your camp the other day has left an impact on me. Please know that.
Remember in your prayers and meditations these coming days that God somehow exists in and through all things. If the result of our foolish actions means that the earth is destroyed, we will learn that we are fools too late, but God will not cease. Somehow that is comforting to me. I hope it may bring you a sense of peace as you pass, brother. I love you.
Philip, I'm deeply grateful for our encounter, and for your thoughtful comments, even tho I profoundly disagree. I find I have no right to take any comfort in the Creator continuing, and the Creator I know WANTS me to take no comfort has SheHeIt DOES NOT. No, the Creator is writhing in agony over what we are doing to It Children, It's beloved, innocent Children for 1000 generations. It does not want me to find comfort or rest in the face of that easily prevented ecocide, and I DO NOT WANT TO FEEL COMFORT IN THE FACE OF IT. No, I want to feel the pain, because pain in that way is adaptive. If fuels me. It brings me aLive, as NOTHING else can. Pain, near unbearable, when IMPORTANT, is ADAPTIVE. Agape, Loving
ReplyDeleteLoving .. just know, we have 700 fasters so far .. and will be having 40 million people synchronized on 40 day fasts ASAP. Sounds like I will name it after you.
ReplyDeleteLOVE