How much do you think that the oyster is saddened by the thought of the sand that is so irritating to it, tween its soft parts, and its shell, well, going kaput? Right. Not much.
Well, I'm that sand, and the world is, well, my oyster. LOL. Always has been that way with me. I AM, my very being, my very Soul IS agitation for a more Beautiful, Divine, Blest, Joyful world, and the world, like that oyster, doesn't like it, the agitation, the sand, me, Loving - not now, not yesterday, not much throughout my 61 years. The oyster, the world, want's it, the sand, the annoyance, the irritation... gone. And that's how 98% of the people close, and far throughout my life have felt toward me. Totally expected, now [boy, for most of my decades I sure didn't get it]. Not real fun for me, but totally goes with the territory, the Being I have, the Soul I have, the territory. I get it. I want to be Sand. I want us to get, to become the Pearl, so sand, for me, it is, and all the trappings.
Whining? Am I whining? Feeling sorry for myself? My guess is that there are few on earth that have been Truly Loved - probably not one in 10,000. Maybe not one in 100,000. Liked? Yes. Enjoyed? Yes. Loved? Not more than one in 1000, for sure, in any stage or walk of life, really Loved in this sick, and ever sickening, Loveless, Lust-worshiping world. And probably not one in a million have been Loved as much as I, by my dad, a few teachers, my friends parents, my Philadelphia clan, my crazy Texas sister, the Secret Service here in DC and to a lesser degree, the Park Police...and others. And then there are those that for any variety of reasons have little or nothing to do with me..., and then... instants, flashes of blinding Love. Like lightening. I've been Loved more than one in 100,000, at least, have been Loved. No, I'm not whining, not complaining for me, but, yes, for us all. We are Godless, and hence exist in a Godless, Loveless world. We are Loveless, and we think it normal.
But as a connoisseur of Loving, an expert, a devote, an addict of Agape... I'm also acutely aware of how few do, how few do Love me; tho it isn't something I devote more than seconds a month thinking of regarding me - because I just know to expect indifference, at best, and in DC, from those I'd long ago have expected to be 'Family' - activists, church - animosity, disrespect, distrust, dismissal, disregard, dislike... are what I've gotten. The blinding exceptions (Lucas 4:18 for example) proving the rule....
So lack of Loving toward me is just background noise - always there - never getting my attention.... What I expect, don't notice, am used to..... And overwhelmed by the outgoing Loving I make my business to be the stuff and substance of my every breath - selfishly. Heaven.
But this is why I'm so touched, so surprised, so surprised at the deep sadness Mel and Saleh seem to feel at my diagnosis. I'm nothing but pain to them. They run a local coffee shop, 12 hours a day. I'm nothing but trouble to them. All sorts of packages, shipping, they've let me have sent to their address, since I have none - stuff used in my work. Some times I'll buy a cup of coffee, and sit, drawing electricity for a couple of hours, in their small store, taking up space that clients with $$$ could be taking. I limit my time for that reason, but still. They have no bathroom for clients, but they insist on me using their private one. This has been going on for 5 months!!!
These are fairly young guys, fairly rough, African Americans - one from DC, one from Jamaica(?).
Christ, the Spirit of Universal Family, is in all of us, but oh, It is seen so rarely, and usually not at all, by me, by anyone. But, here it is, toward me, from Saleh and Mel. It's God, the Divine. And it is Heaven to witness; to be in Its presence.
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