det 'b. You Can't Save Folks till they Want to be Saved.' sLoving (vid if/when wifi crippling heals))

On the heels of processing the disinterest I'm so aware of feeling about this 99% Spring, training a hundred thousand people in civil disobedience - in the processing of that, what's come to mind yet again is, well as I'm currently thinking of it it's new, for me.

Not rarely in conversation someone has said to me something along the lines of - there's no hope until everything falls apart, until civilization this crushed.  Have I ever totally dismissed that idea?  I don't think so.  But I've dismiss the morality of it.  The immorality of it, the immorality of just stepping aside, washing one's hands, absolving oneself of trying to avoid Armageddon.

What's coming to me this morning however is a variation that I don't recall thinking of before, that is, waiting until Armageddon is so looming in the minds of enough people, in the hearts of enough people, that there's something to work with that, there there are people that want to save themselves, that want to save their children.

For probably decades, I've been trying to move beyond the best definition that I've had of leadership, because I knew that it could be moved beyond, and I wasn't seeing it.  Yesterday as I was walking to my homeless meal-truck supper, it fell in my lap.  'Leadership is the creating, holding within oneself, channeling, and maintaining of creative tension', sLoving.  Creative Tension is Dr. King's term as far as I know.  That's what I've done throughout my adulthood, that's what I do now.  That's certainly what King did.  That's certainly what Gandhi did.  That's certainly what no one in the current so called movement's do by any appearance.

Elinor Roosevelt said, 'she who would give light must endure burning.'  That's the creative tension - must hold fire within themselves - fire hurts; fires hot;  fire's something that part of ourselves wants to separate from.

But nothing ignites without fire.

Do I enable, with all my histrionics, seen and  experienced by so few people, but, as one individual  I put out a lot of heat.  And my desires are so outword, or so toward other people 'getting it.'  Have I been enabling, do I enable?  Do I even in my small way to fill the void, whose frigidity, in this chill should not be filled, should be allowed to engulf as many people as possible, that they might feel the void, the deadly void, the black hole sucking everything in?

It may be that I've been enabling; it may be that I enable, and that I need to fully, explicitly withdraw into a cave; probably a cave that's in plain sight hre in DC, but to avoid the mistake of sending sending energy, any energy outward.

A mob was about to stone a woman, and my understanding is that Jesus knelt down.  He didn't say anything but he knelt  down and began drawing in the dirt.  He wasn't throwing up his arms, he wasn't screaming at the crowd,  he wasn't addressing himself to the crowd.  He knelt down and started drawing in the dirt with a stick.  He was waiting until something happened in the crowd, until they wanted to know, until they wanted to hear, until they wanted to think.

I don't know how this will play out, these thoughts in me, how profoundly or how subtly, but I expect they will play out.

My expectation, which I hope to get stuffed down my throat, is that this 99% Spring will have a major impact - It will kill more time, that we don't have.  Yet another free lunch rant that my generation set in motion the early 70s - no cost - everything is free.  Unlike our parents generation, we don't need to put our bodies on the line, for anybody, no matter what.  Insanity.  Inhumanity.

I think I need to step back, working harder than ever to prepare, in the event that Armageddon is ever so looming that there are people that want to save themselves, and their kids.

I don't know how this will play out in me, but it will, these are substantive, correct thoughts