My prayer life has been practically nil for months now. Why? The final battle for Humanity is so pitched, on so many fronts - Climate Disaster, Democracy, 28 Yr Vigil (dual shifts like Thomas endured all those years), Washington Peace House Integrity, War-De-funding, Connie, Nuclear Arms Reduction, Gaza/Palestine... there has not been time to Pray; just to be a Prayer. Secondarily, Prayer is NEVER the end, but the means, the means to become the "change we need to be" (Gandhi), to become the "pencil in the hand of God," (Teresa) and my sense is that I've been good enough on these fronts these last months that it was wrong for me to indulge in further Prayer at the expense of using every moment to Wage all out Love at thise most crucial of all years in the History of the world.
But tonight I couldn't sleep, my body is not yet adjusted to my morning and evening shifts at the 28 Year Vigil, so I had some time for one of my few Prayer techniques - to put myself, to Imagine myself, in the company of Jesus, King, Gandhi, Romero, Teresa, Eleanor, Dellinger, Joan... and to examine their reaction to my being there, for whatever guidance, positive or negative, that this will yield me regarding "how am I doing?"
Well, tonight as I came to them there was no applause, no high-fives, no warm cheers, no warm "Family" embrace... and I want this from them, very much. But I'm not worthy of this. Yet.
But they were in the midst of this desperate, to the death, final battle for Humanity. And they were entirely accepting of me joining them in the fight. I take this as acceptance enough, for now; affirmation enough, for now.
Remember the final battle of the Lord of the Rings trilogy? All our (s)heroes are encircled by a totally overwhelming hoard of Evil, remember? That is the circumstance in which tonight I found Jesus, King, Gandhi, Romero, Teresa, Eleanor.... And their reaction told me that they felt that I belonged along side them in this fight. I was sufficiently worthy for that.
This is good.
But tonight I couldn't sleep, my body is not yet adjusted to my morning and evening shifts at the 28 Year Vigil, so I had some time for one of my few Prayer techniques - to put myself, to Imagine myself, in the company of Jesus, King, Gandhi, Romero, Teresa, Eleanor, Dellinger, Joan... and to examine their reaction to my being there, for whatever guidance, positive or negative, that this will yield me regarding "how am I doing?"
Well, tonight as I came to them there was no applause, no high-fives, no warm cheers, no warm "Family" embrace... and I want this from them, very much. But I'm not worthy of this. Yet.
But they were in the midst of this desperate, to the death, final battle for Humanity. And they were entirely accepting of me joining them in the fight. I take this as acceptance enough, for now; affirmation enough, for now.
Remember the final battle of the Lord of the Rings trilogy? All our (s)heroes are encircled by a totally overwhelming hoard of Evil, remember? That is the circumstance in which tonight I found Jesus, King, Gandhi, Romero, Teresa, Eleanor.... And their reaction told me that they felt that I belonged along side them in this fight. I was sufficiently worthy for that.
This is good.
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