It has been a great pain for me to be aware that I was not an authority on anything of importance. An authority over men? An authority over subject matter FOR men, my sisters and brothers - on matters of Life, Ethics, Morality, the Spirit, Psychology - the entirety of what matters. Why an agony for me? Because in the midst of such universal, spiritual carnage only by achieving a level of authority regarding the the disease and its cure was one a hope for cure. I find myself becoming at long last an authority. This brings further isolation. Terrifying. Jesus must have felt it. But also a faint hopefulness. No, no one besides me sees recognizes my authority. Excruciating. Same with Jesus, and the others.
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