(from an early February email)
Hey brother.
"Nobody chose war; they chose selfishness and the result was war." Dave Dellinger
This phrase has been playing around in my mind constantly for the last week or so, and it was an extreme lightning bolt of illumination for me a year or so ago when I read it in Dellinger's "Radical Nonviolence" which is in your audio collection. Do you see the implications? 'Nobody chose war / prostitution / divorce / rape / murder / vehicular homicide / environmental destruction / disturbing the peace / fascism / depleted uranium / ACTIVIST-IMPOTENCE - collusion... THEY CHOSE SELFISHNESS AND THE RESULT WAS (SEE ABOVE).
The phrase has been in my mind as I've worked these endless, lonely weeks on the project for you as my life-long struggle with addiction to (online) pornography arose. Also in my mind as I've struggled, more successfully than ever (so far) with my addiction, is something new. "Start, YES you want to indulge in the addiction, with practically every ounce of strength that you have. BUT THAT IS NOT THE QUESTION. The question is, do you want to leave the realm of hopefulness / helpfulness / Life / Goodness / Love / HOPE / GOD for the time it will take to indulge your addiction, your SELFISHNESS?' Brother, I've never had this last "question", this CHOICE in mind before; I've never seen it; and it has been a Salvation for me. For entirely selfish reasons, now that I have SEEN the choice I have had encouraging new levels of success (complete) against my addiction. YES I want to indulge in pornography. NO I don't want to leave the realm of Goodness / Godness that is available for me to inhabit. I never saw that this is what I was choosing - to leave Life / Goodness / Hope / Potential... for my addiction, for my selfishness. I'm finding that if when the temptation arises I BRING THIS CHOICE CONSCIOUSLY TO MY MIND, to ask my self, "Start, do you want to leave Goodness?," it causes me, if FORCES me to make much more Joyful decisions.
Your Loving brother, Start
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