That's the best I can describe it, and problematically, the analogy that has come to me, that of the rabbit hole - I've never read "Alice in Wonderland!" So the analogy my be terrible! But I think not.
My understanding is that Alice traveled between two realms and as we traveled with her into "Wonderland" we could experience how profoundly, and utterly disorienting it was; like the most aggressive of amusement park rides. Well, that is how it feels for me.
I've returned "Home" after 35 years, to our Father's Kingdom, our birthright, the place we are all born to... and leave, needlessly, horrifically. At best, it must look to you like I have gone into Alice's "Wonderland," of a sort. At worst... I can't imagine how it looks to you, or what your fears and hurts might be. But I try to imagine what it is like for you; and I ache and quake at the thoughts.
My first time through the rabbit hole was abandonment of "saving the world," for the pursuit of sex/marriage and the "real" world, making the woman I was married to and my "family" pleased and proud, pursuing the American "way of life." I remember "Business School" at Syracuse University. It felt like Hell. The value was money/stock holder wealth/profit/safety/security/career advancement.... My body literally hurts at the recollection of it. But tragically, rather than recoil, I found what I thought was "courage" and "responsibility" and plunged onward, contorting and crippling my Soul to fit through that inhumanly small rabbit hole.
I spent the next 35 years pretty much, in a world that seemed as absurd and inhuman as "Wonderland" did to Alice.
Well, now I'm back Home, but it's been 35 years.
No one was Home when I left, except for my bio-father, and when I had the sense to find him, the Father of us all. I suppose that is a major reason that I left in the first place - it was so lonely! Trouble is, living away from Home was infinitely more lonely - a world of zombies and no Father!!!!!!!
Well, now that I am back practically no one is Home. But I say practically. It is sort of like a huge Home that has become a field hospital. With the occasional exception of Thomas (who is usually quite ill) and a few others the occupants of Home are so "ill." [Jay, all this "illness" talk, this is pretty offensive! Well, it is like Dave Dellinger said,
"...decent people ... have been conditioned by a sick society into playing anti-social roles, the basic inhumanity of which they do not understand."
"This is a diseased world in which it is impossible for anyone to be fully human. One way or another, everyone who lives in the modern world is sick or maladjusted. Slick businessmen and bosses, parasitical coupon clippers, socially blind lawyers, scientists, and clergymen are as much victims of "a world they never made" as are the rough and irresponsible elements of America's great slums."
"The only way we can begin to break the vicious circle of blindness, hatred, and inequality is to combine an uncompromising war upon evil institutions with an unending kindness and love of every individual-including the individuals who defend existing institutions."
Isn't this what Jesus told us, with all the shit-from-the-ages-that-the-Church-has-piled-on washed off? Isn't this what the "Fall" is ALL ABOUT?!?! Well, back to my points.] Who are these occupants I am encountering? Some are homeless (lowercase "H"), most are materially poor [what do you do if you can't afford a middle class lifestyle for ALL of your kids? :-) Well, I abandoned most of mine, in favor of two. Some of these folks are doing better, abandoning fewer than I did.] They are outcasts of society. THEY EXIST OUTSIDE OF SOCIETY! Hmmmmmm. Like Jesus.
My point? It is not easy being back Home. Back through the Rabit Hole - absurd and profoundly disorienting. Scary. Daunting. I've forgotten the language; I have no idea where things are; if there are resources I don't know where they are; I don't know how to contribute well; it is like a Hospital ward with a bunch of walking wounded and no supplies, no help, NO TRAINING, and NO LEADERSHIP; I'm walking wounded although I've regained a lot of my Health. And, not only is the hospital filled with wounded, not only is the war raging around us, we are the "enemy," or, the "diseased," the masses of really sick people think! They want to lock us away; and they often do.
:-) Enough for now.
Love forever, your brother, jay
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